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Parent Emeritus
So tired...
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<blockquote data-quote="Acacia" data-source="post: 715046" data-attributes="member: 19832"><p>I agree with what's been said, especially about getting support for yourself and finding a 12 step group. My experience with my 2 out of 3 difficult children is that contracts rarely work. Theoretically, a good idea, but if they're not honored, then I as the person asking for compliance look weak if I don't follow through and hold boundaries. And I don't know about you, but I have found so many ways to excuse the dishonoring of a boundaries because of fear or guilt about what might happen to my loved one. I do agree that in your house, it's your rules, which ultimately probably means it won't work to have your daughter there. That is the realization I am coming to with two difficult adult children. I don't believe forcing someone into compliance actually changes them. Their compliance is usually just superficial, and they either comply to not have to change, or rebel and don't change. The change has to come from our difficult loved ones, and we are powerless over that. What I know is that it hurts either way, but I am working really hard on taking care of myself. Using this forum is one of the ways I do that.</p><p>Much support and positive energy to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Acacia, post: 715046, member: 19832"] I agree with what's been said, especially about getting support for yourself and finding a 12 step group. My experience with my 2 out of 3 difficult children is that contracts rarely work. Theoretically, a good idea, but if they're not honored, then I as the person asking for compliance look weak if I don't follow through and hold boundaries. And I don't know about you, but I have found so many ways to excuse the dishonoring of a boundaries because of fear or guilt about what might happen to my loved one. I do agree that in your house, it's your rules, which ultimately probably means it won't work to have your daughter there. That is the realization I am coming to with two difficult adult children. I don't believe forcing someone into compliance actually changes them. Their compliance is usually just superficial, and they either comply to not have to change, or rebel and don't change. The change has to come from our difficult loved ones, and we are powerless over that. What I know is that it hurts either way, but I am working really hard on taking care of myself. Using this forum is one of the ways I do that. Much support and positive energy to you. [/QUOTE]
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