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So true.....
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 657242" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>This is sooooooooooooo wise. I'm verbal too and I would stick up for myself, often in not-so-nice ways with FOO. Being raised with sarcasm, mocking, and having a quick wit, I am not proud of some of what I have said either, Tish.</p><p></p><p>For some reason, with my kids I've always told myself not to give advice unless asked for advice and not to interfere in how they do things. There was a time I didn't like Princess's SO and wondered if he'd be abusive. But it was not my place to tell her who to be with, even though I did offer her a place to stay if she ever wanted to leave him. I'm so glad I kept my trap shut. My daughter can be very dramatic (less so now), and her stories were often embellished with him being the bad guy when she was mad at him, but the fact is, they are bonded soulmates and for t he most part very compatible and good to one another. I get scared thinking about how I may have sabataged the father of my granddaughter, who I feel is the best father ever. I have come to think of him as another son.</p><p></p><p>Jumper, being my youngest, I always want to give her advice. I do not want her to go to her old school's graduation because her ex will be there, but she opened up to me the other day and told me they still talk and he's being stubborn and she WANTS to see him graduate, even though they are currently not on great terms. The most I said was hugging her and saying, "I just can't help it, being your mother I just hate to see you cry." She said, "Mom, I've already cried so many tears I don't think there aer any left." And then she laughed and said, "I can handle it."</p><p></p><p>She can.</p><p></p><p>I need to let her do this without criticism and if she comes home upset, I need to be there for her in the way she wants me to be.</p><p></p><p>The only one I give advice to is Bart and he ASKS for advice. Or as he puts it, "Let's brainstorm together, Mom."</p><p></p><p>We have both learned how far we can go when he is under pressure.</p><p></p><p>One of my newest mottos is "Less is more."</p><p></p><p>If you don't want to talk to me, I won't talk to you. If you don't ask for my advice, I won't give it to you. If you plan an affair and I want you to do it another way, I'll swallow it. I won't comment.</p><p></p><p>Although I could have used these skills with my FOO and probably would have gotten less guff, I didn't k now these skills then. I do now and it is has really made a HUGE difference with my relationship with my children.</p><p></p><p>They trust you when they know you will listen, but not lecture or give your own advice or, most of all, when they know you will not criticize.</p><p></p><p>I REALLY have to bite my tongue when hubby says something I don't agree with. It's harder with him. I've learned to let him talk then say, "That's a good idea. Here's my idea. What do you think?"</p><p></p><p>I have a horrible habit of talking over people. So does Bart. Both of us are trying to work on that.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be able to stop that terrible habit.</p><p></p><p>I guess it's better than telling other people what they are doing wrong, but still....</p><p></p><p>Thanks for the reminder message!!!! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 657242, member: 1550"] This is sooooooooooooo wise. I'm verbal too and I would stick up for myself, often in not-so-nice ways with FOO. Being raised with sarcasm, mocking, and having a quick wit, I am not proud of some of what I have said either, Tish. For some reason, with my kids I've always told myself not to give advice unless asked for advice and not to interfere in how they do things. There was a time I didn't like Princess's SO and wondered if he'd be abusive. But it was not my place to tell her who to be with, even though I did offer her a place to stay if she ever wanted to leave him. I'm so glad I kept my trap shut. My daughter can be very dramatic (less so now), and her stories were often embellished with him being the bad guy when she was mad at him, but the fact is, they are bonded soulmates and for t he most part very compatible and good to one another. I get scared thinking about how I may have sabataged the father of my granddaughter, who I feel is the best father ever. I have come to think of him as another son. Jumper, being my youngest, I always want to give her advice. I do not want her to go to her old school's graduation because her ex will be there, but she opened up to me the other day and told me they still talk and he's being stubborn and she WANTS to see him graduate, even though they are currently not on great terms. The most I said was hugging her and saying, "I just can't help it, being your mother I just hate to see you cry." She said, "Mom, I've already cried so many tears I don't think there aer any left." And then she laughed and said, "I can handle it." She can. I need to let her do this without criticism and if she comes home upset, I need to be there for her in the way she wants me to be. The only one I give advice to is Bart and he ASKS for advice. Or as he puts it, "Let's brainstorm together, Mom." We have both learned how far we can go when he is under pressure. One of my newest mottos is "Less is more." If you don't want to talk to me, I won't talk to you. If you don't ask for my advice, I won't give it to you. If you plan an affair and I want you to do it another way, I'll swallow it. I won't comment. Although I could have used these skills with my FOO and probably would have gotten less guff, I didn't k now these skills then. I do now and it is has really made a HUGE difference with my relationship with my children. They trust you when they know you will listen, but not lecture or give your own advice or, most of all, when they know you will not criticize. I REALLY have to bite my tongue when hubby says something I don't agree with. It's harder with him. I've learned to let him talk then say, "That's a good idea. Here's my idea. What do you think?" I have a horrible habit of talking over people. So does Bart. Both of us are trying to work on that. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be able to stop that terrible habit. I guess it's better than telling other people what they are doing wrong, but still.... Thanks for the reminder message!!!! :) [/QUOTE]
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