So unbelievably $%#*&^@!{+#$!!!!!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by gcvmom, Jul 12, 2011.

  1. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    More inlaw money crap. I am just steaming the more I think about this.

    husband pulls me aside this morning and says his parents are about $2500 SHORT of the money they need to pay the movers to get them from Texas out here to their "new" house sister in law#3 bought them (because they were soooo bored and soooo lonely at the OTHER house she got them in TX).

    We just paid $250 for their flippin' plane tickets to go back to start packing so they wouldn't have to bring BOTH cars out (one was already here). Although I reminded husband that they'd asked for help to get home even BEFORE the whole house deal went down because when they "planned" (that is a word they apparently don't understand) their little trip to Vegas in June for this "free" slot tourny they failed to hold out enough cash to pay for gas/lodging on the way back (they have NO credit cards because they ruined their credit) and husband was already talking about giving them MORE money so they could get home. And then the house thing came up.

    He has the gall to ask ME how I would solve this if it were my mother. The fact that she would never EVER let herself get in this position is apparently lost on him. I told him I cannot possibly offer him a solution because I don't know all the options. Then he tries to get me to talk to his parents on the phone about this -- UH-UH, NO WAY, NO HOW. NOT MY PLACE, NOT MY JOB. And YES I have a say about this because it affects OUR FAMILY, and they come FIRST, well BEFORE his extended family!!!

    Then he has the nerve to suggest that it's okay for us to go into debt to help them! That since we have a little bit in savings (which I have to draw from each month to cover our expenses), it should be okay to use that. Hellooooo? What if he loses his job again? We would have NOTHING to fall back on!!!


    Ooooh I am just so, so, SO MAD. :grrr:
  2. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    This makes my blood boil, and its not my money. I think its mutual husband's that can't every say no to mommy...


    Let's go beat something.
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Oooh! Oooohh! Ooooohhhhh!!!! (Raising hand) I know!

    I know the answer:

    Offer to sell their car for them. You know - the one that's already here?

    Seems you outta be able to get at least $2500...
  4. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    And if thay balk at selling it - maybe they can do one of those "title loans"...?

    Take a loan against the value of the car.
  5. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Ooh, he's a good manipulator, isn't he? "How would you handle this if it were your mother?" Ha ha ha ha ha! I'd totally call him on that! This has nothing to do with you or your mother. Or his mother for that matter. This has to do with he's your husband and what his sister agrees to do for their parents has nothing to do with you or anyone in your house. Too bad, so sad for them all. They'll either figure it out or they won't.
  6. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Geez E. Pete.

    Now while I will admit that husband does loan money to mother in law, he also borrows from her. Never much - like $100 here or there - but it makes no sense to me... If she can loan him money, then why, a month later, is she borrowing...???

    YOUR FAMILY COMES FIRST. I ain't talkin' 'bout YOUR MOM. I'm talking about the kids - THEN YOU AND husband - and maybe then the zoo.
  7. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Right now he's looking up bluebook for the car that's here, because they WERE planning to sell it eventually, and brother in law#1 offered to find a buyer for them. husband didn't realize they could sign and mail the pink slip and the keys to brother in law#1, and thought the sale had to wait until the got back out here.

    And Witz, you're right, it has NOTHING to do with me or my mom or any other hypothetical situation he can dream up. And I told him it's stupid and a waste of time to ask me to brainstorm with him when he doesn't know all the facts and isn't asking the questions. I was led to believe his parents had no credit, and now he tells me they do have a little. Fine, then THEY can charge what they need to THEIR credit card!!!

    I told him I will be EXTREMELY RESENTFUL if he puts this all on me and makes me out to be the bad guy. :grrr:

    He claims they haven't asked for ANYTHING, that he simply asked them how the move was going and that's when they told him they have less than $2,000 in cash and the cheapest movers want $3,500. Well I'm not STUPID -- if they didn't want to burden him with the information, they wouldn't have told him that. And because he thinks he has to be the big man and prove he's the biggest earner in the family... I reminded him he's NOT the one earning the most anymore. His brother in law #3 is and he's the one that's carrying THREE mortgages (thanks to the inlaws). No way in hell would we qualify for a second mortgage right now, much less a THIRD!!

    Insanity, insanity, insanity. These people are nuts!!!
  8. seriously

    seriously New Member

    I am 100% with you on this one.

    Why are these supposedly mature adults unable to solve this problem? That's not really all that much money to raise if they have furniture and cars they could sell.

    And why not ask the daughter who is apparently rolling in dough and foolish enough to share the wealth with her idiot parents?

    I sure hope you have those savings in an individual account where husband cannot just walk in and withdraw it...
  9. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I can see validity in asking someone "what would you do"...but I really don't think your husband is really looking for that answer and a new approach... Sounds more like an attempt to play on emotions. I agree, no, no, and $%#@ NO!

    I like the idea to title loan the car. Or even sell it.

    Maybe my husband not making a lot of money is a blessing in least his parents can't ask us for money...
  10. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    They sound like difficult children of the twilight years :)
  11. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Shari, my mother in law asks even though husband is unemployed...
  12. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Seriously: husband has blissfully hid is head from our finances despite my attempts over the years to keep him in the loop. I once made a disc for him with ALL our account numbers, passwords, etc., in the event something happens to me, he would be able to step in and take over. He has no idea what he did with that disc. :-/ So this summer, I've started forwarding all our online payment confirmations so he can see what I'm paying out. I don't think he's eveen looked at the emails I've sent. So as for him having access to our accounts, he has no clue what to do, even when I GIVE him the information. But he does have a credit card, so he's able to wreck some havoc to a certain extent. I really should see about lowering the limit on that card, for safety's sake.

    I made it IMPLICITLY CLEAR that I WILL NOT go back to the days of having credit card debt!!! Only in a life-or-death situation will I acquiese to that, and THIS is in NO WAY a life-or-death matter with his parents.

    And yes, whoever said it, he IS trying to play on my emotions. He wants my blessing, he wants me to say yes. Sorry, can't have both. You can coerce me into saying yes, but you'd better be ready for the consequences that come with that yes, and believe me, it is NOT PRETTY. :winks:
  13. seriously

    seriously New Member

    Lower that limit baby! Better yet, take it away and give him a prepaid card that he can only use the amount on the card and that's it.

    I think my wife is a long lost sibling of your husband's.

    She tried to use the trust account credit card (rarely used because it's a trust account for oldest difficult child) and had it denied 3x. Did she think to call the credit card company? or ask the business to contact the approving agency so she could clarify things? NO. Instead she just kept trying to use it and then charged the charges to our PERSONAL accounts. ARGH. I was driving when I got a call from the automated fraud prevention service saying the charges had been denied. I pulled over, caller her and she's like "yeah, they keep denying it." I nicely asked if she had tried calling the number on the card or asked the business to call about the denial? Oh, she says, there's a number on the card? they can do that?

    It was too late by then but I drove around screaming about her playing dumb and being an idiot about money for a good 10 minutes before I calmed down. This is a court supervised trust and I have to justify every little thing and appearing to pay ourselves from the trust funds is a big no-no. So we will probably have to absorb those $100+ charges somehow...

    Yeah, the manipulation thing drives me crazy. They are not dumb people. Why do they think we should treat them like they are - and conversely like we are too when they say stupid things like that?????????
  14. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    argh! The thing that stands out most to me is the entire concept your husband seems to have that he makes the most money (even though you say you had to remind him it is no longer the case) out of his siblings. Who cares? Who cares if you are multi millionairres? Who cares if so and so did XYZ for mother in law and father in law? That automatically leaves him on the cuff (READ: YOU AND THE KIDS BUDGET TOO!) for your in laws? For real? There is a BIG difference between wanting to do something nice and help out parents, that is altogether different than being someone made to be "obligated" to carry their expenses especially (!!!!!) when they have no reason for needing help if they are going to casinos etc. "Free" tourny or not, it is NOT a free trip, there ARE costs. They are wasting their money on foolish entertainment that they have no right to INDULGE in if it means they resort to relying on their adult kids who have spouses and children etc. Not even NEAR the same as good parents, responsible seniors who struggle on a tight firm budget therefore kids try to help out or something. I'd be blunt, husband or not. Sorry. Don't have it. Wont have it. Good luck with that.

    Just last week my brother in law called my S/O. Apparently drug addicted sister in law called brother in law to talk about their mother. On and on she went at how since father in law passed last fall, mother in law is struggling. Oh yea, she is! I see it frequently. Because her limited income that WOULD support her basic needs and a few extras is paying to refill stolen prescriptions (stolen by sister in law) or for tickets to cross the province to help wipe sister in law's brow when she wants to detox AGAIN (lasts a day, she goes out with mother in law's cash and gets a fix and there goes the detox). I love my mother in law and am lucky for many of her qualities and do enjoy her. I am however realistic and she is not perfect. She enables sister in law financially and then ends up in tough financial straights herself. Aside from this, she has a small race track up the road with slot machines attached. Not a real casino, just the track and slots. She is a frequent visitor and although she convinces herself she has no problem with gambling since she won't spend more than $30 on the slots at a time or $30 on the races, do that 5 days a week, on a old age pension limited income and high rental costs, and it is no different than people making $100K a year who spend half of it in a casino and lose their mortgages. It's all relative, and on her income she can't toss money about like that. I haven't bought new summer clothes for 2 years. Yet S/O and I paid mother in law's power bills for past 3 months. Actually "I" paid it since S/O had his training allowance from employment insurance end a few weeks before graduation and has had no income of his own since, which is creeping up to the 3 month mark. Her power bill is more than my monthly child support for easy child, and I have a household to support with triple the bills and my income is less than mother in law's. When I heard that she went to visit sister in law and paid the bus tickets etc and replaced a stolen script out of pocket, I had enough. S/O agreed Im happy to say. brother in law's call was to say how sister in law was all upset and that it is the siblings DUTY to provide for their aging widowed mother, I about screamed in a rage but held it in. S/O laughed, he's so much better at not letting things get to him. He said umm, I have NO income and owe child support which makes me a DEADBEAT right now which I HATE, so no can do brother dear and drug addict sister should be told such. He said Melissa will NOT be permitted to pay moms bills anymore out of HER child support for easy child. brother in law pointed out S/O's new job and the decent salary. S/O said thanks for the congratulations! I'm going to enjoy a few treats myself which will add up to my wedding really, mom will have to cut out paying for sisters addictions and paying for her own slot problem. I was proud.

    Hang in there, stick to your guns. Let husband handle it but hold those purse strings.
  15. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    When is the last time you wrote out the income/outgoing in plain old black and red ink to really show him?
  16. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I think I'd tell him to call Mom and be careful of how to pack things - that she had better be ready to have a ginormous yard sale in Cali once she gets here - because the BOMB isn't done dropping yet GCV. This is just the fuse.

    The part thats being SET UP right now is "Oh dear, dear, dear - WE don't have 2500 for movers whatever shall we do?" For the extra $2500 in cash for movers - WELL Call a few moving companies because MOST require payment IN ADVANCE ------I went to school with truckers that worked for MAYFLOWER and drove the extra huge trucks and sister? THEY DON"T get their crews to come in AHEAD of time and pack and move WITHOUT payment in FULL because that truck is NOT moving without cash up front. So my thought is - they have the money - they wanted EXTRA cash to stop and play the slots.

    Secondly - the "Set up" is - IF THEY DON"T have cash NOW for the movers and are nearly broke???? HOW are they going to pay for the utlities, food etc THE MONTH they get there? ----Cali utilities can NOT be cheap...and once they SELL THE CAR since NO ONE WOULD HELP THEM? They'll be a one vehicle family and when daddy has the car Mommy is going to be calling SOMEONE for rides....because she can't go anywhere and has NO money to get to the foodstamp office.

    She's very cunning and manipultive this one.........but not so great you can't see through her like glass if you were married to the Queens son once upon a time.

    Stick to your is the ONLY thing that is going to make her back off. And BRAVO DaisyFace for quick thinking! I'm amazed at the wit and love of this board everday!
  17. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Shouldn't they have the yard sale BEFORE the move? Money to pay movers AND less stuff to move/ship. Heck, send boxes parcel post, it might be cheaper.
  18. Star*

    Star* call 911

    NO - if they have it before they move - they'll have more money for slots. lol

    But if they pack according to what they can get rid of when they get to cali - all the sellables can go right into the garage - and VOILA instant yard sale. And of course GCV can offer to HELP but then (Oh how sad) she will have a sick child that day) achooooo.
  19. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I would be beyond furious, too. OMG.
  20. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I need to call Jamie and Billie and demand my $2500!