So unbelievably $%#*&^@!{+#$!!!!!

klmno

Active Member
And you can draw on your savings to help them when the whole reason they need help is because they blew their money and credit??

Yeah, right.

I think his parents have a sickness (addiction/compulsion) and he could easily fall into that, too, if you let it happen. Stick to your guns on this- No way- No more! If they end up starving, you can take them some groceries. After all, they did bring your husband into this worls and raise him.
 

gcvmom

Here we go again!
HaoZi -- I'm trying to get in the habit of showing husband the numbers twice a month now when I pay bills. I used to do it every three months or so, but as we can all see, that didn't have much impact.

Star, husband called them back to find out what specs their car/truck has that they'll be selling and then found out they are planning to sell some other stuff -- like their tool shed and mower and... lots of stuff they can part with that they don't need, won't need and would serve them better as cash. So he's backed waaaay off now. Seems that he was reacting to their "statement" as if it were a request. That's HIS illness of codependency. Plain and simple.

The other thing I pointed out is: What's the rush? They aren't on a deadline to move out here. sister in law#3 has to pay the rent on both places regardless. She's going to try to rent out the TX place, but that will take time. And the parents weren't going to head out here until some time in August. They've got doctor appointments and loose ends to tie up this month. Plenty of time to raise cash for their move. THEIR MOVE. NOT OUR MOVE. GAH!

I hope my kids never, EVER feel beholden to us like husband does to his parents.

I took difficult child 2 and went to the beach today. It was very good to have those ocean breezes blowing through my head to clear all the cr@p away. :bigsmile:

I admittedly have a lot of anxiety over our finances these days because husband is not making anywhere near the money he used to make, the kids are getting more expensive, and we aren't getting any younger. We are less secure day to day now than we were three years ago, there's no doubt about it. So when he makes noise about doing something stupid (like throwing more money at these walking money pits) my nerves get wound just a few hundred turns tighter. Sigh. Hopefully he's seeing that.

And Seriously, this is for you: I emailed husband's credit card issuer and go them to cut the limit by more than 50%!!! WOOT! The limit was in the stratosphere anyway. Now it's in the reasonable range. And guess what? He's none the wiser since he has NO IDEA about any of his financial account details. Serves him right, bonehead. Oops! Did I say that OUT LOUD?! :winks:
 

Hound dog

Nana's are Beautiful
Dig in your heels, dear. Dig them in deep. You're going to need all the brace you can get to keep from being drug into this hole.

omg.

My answer to him would've been: Guess what? They're adults, older than you, I think they can handle the situation all by themselves.

Holy Moly as Darrin would say!
 

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
I have a problem that I dont understand and maybe someone can explain it to me. Maybe I am missing some gene somewhere or maybe I was just raised by parents born in the depression and they scared me to death...dont know. I am shocked to death at some of the prices of houses these days and the mortgages and house payments people are willing to make each month. Seriously. I mean how can someone pay more than one weeks pay for a mortgage? Really? That was what I was always taught was the guide. Your housing expenses should equal no more than one week and preferably less.

I dont get second mortgages at all. Seems like a set up to fail miserably.

My parents didnt like debt at all and they brought me up not to like debt. Probably why I never had much in the way of credit. I just used cash. Now my father had excellent credit because he had an american express card and he paid it off every month and both my parents did have a master charge years ago and then later then got separate cards after the divorce...but again...paid off in full every month.

I have no idea if me buying a house for cash gave me credit or not. No clue. I would think buying my car on time did. Thats the first thing in my life I have ever bought through a credit company. But I didnt do a 60 month loan like they wanted, I did a 4 year.

But Jamie bought a townhouse for almost 140K and his house payment is close to 1k a month. That is almost half is regular paycheck without overtime. With the housing market, the price has bottomed out and he is upside down on the loan. He couldnt sell that house. I begged him not to buy when he did but he didnt listen to me. What do I know? LOL.
 
H

HaoZi

Guest
Even Section 8 housing is 30% of your income. It's certainly more than a week's pay for me!
 

AnnieO

Shooting from the Hip
HOLY GAMOLIES JANET!!! $140K for a TOWNHOUSE?!

I have a 5-bedroom, 2-bath house - 3 upstairs, 2 down, to include the master suite downstairs - 2-car garage, laundry room, HUGE pantry off the kitchen, workroom off the garage, an extra garage downstairs, nice sized living room, back deck, HUMONGOUS back yard with trees and grass and a playhouse for the kids - and we paid $139K in 2005. Our monthly mortgage payment is $750, though sometimes I pay $950 (no early payment penalties). It lists as 1492 square feet but with the finishes downstairs, we're looking at more like 2700 livable. If I pay the $750, it's just over ONE WEEK'S PAY...

I cannot IMAGINE being my parents' age or older, and not having money day to day. Even on just my salary alone, we are comfortable - not living in the lap of luxury, but if we hadn't spent over $30K so far on IVF... LOL! Wow. I just can't imagine.

I'm with Lisa, though. Dig in those heels. Get some spurs with grappling hooks or pitons on them...
 

DaisyFace

Love me...Love me not
I mean how can someone pay more than one weeks pay for a mortgage? Really? That was what I was always taught was the guide. Your housing expenses should equal no more than one week and preferably less.

Janet--

In order to qualify for an FHA Mortgage...your house payment (including taxes and insurance) must be less than 29% of your gross monthly income. Your mortgage payment plus other debt payments (car loans, cc cards, etc) may not exceed 41% of your gross monthly income.

So your rule-of-thumb about the mortgage payment being approximately one week's pay is about right...
 

gcvmom

Here we go again!
Janet, the sister in law has a second because she bought the house in TX, and a third (now) with the purchase of this other place. She (actually her husband) must qualify on paper, otherwise she wouldn't have been approved for the loan.
 

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
Jamie only got his loan because he got the VA loan. I honestly wish they had some kind of idiot clause in there. Like...no dummy, you cannot buy something you cannot afford even if you have access to the VA loan and a real estate agent raring to go!

Billie didnt want to stay in the little one bedroom apt any longer and my suggestion to just move into the two bedroom in the same complex for 100 bucks more was met with scorn. At the time they were paying 450 for a basic little one bedroom but you do have to realize where they are. A suburb of Difficult Child. It is very expensive up there. A two bedroom in the same complex was 575. They werent in the best apts or fanciest places but they were fine. Billie wanted to buy something as soon as Hailie was born. I thought it was stupid. Save some money and wait. Babies are expensive.

Not only that, do realize they have a car payment. They bought a 2006 Ford Freestar ( think that is what its called) in late 2007 or early 2008 and its on a 60 month loan. 200+ month for that plus insurance.

I am sooooo glad I have a paid for home and my car will be paid for in 3 months!
 
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