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So upset today
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<blockquote data-quote="2much2recover" data-source="post: 635992" data-attributes="member: 18366"><p>When I was Legal Guardian of my sister who was developmentally delayed, the State offered a service called support coordination. Maybe something like that is available in your state. If son qualifies, this could help take some of the burdens off your back with a qualified person to deal with the specifics of the disabilities your son suffers from. Besides just offering the services you say your son refuses, I would tell you to tell him, if he refuses to cooperate with a sensible plan and accept those services, that you are sorry but that is the ONLY way you can help him. It sounds as though you are having a hard time detaching from you difficult child because he has disabilities, however I would say to you that things like detachment still apply in these situations - especially if the adult child is able to function on any level in society. It is not YOUR fault that your son has disabilities. One of the reasons my sister with disabilities could be so difficult is that my parents guilt about her disabilities resulting in NO boundaries or consequences on her behavior - so she felt free to act out willfully. She was always a spoiled brat. Yes, I said that - I loved her dearly, but when it came down to her behaviors she could be quite the bully because no one ever taught her that she couldn't be one. You must drum it in your head - that he is what he is - it's his life AND that there is only so much you can do to help. I am extremely sensitive to people with developmental disabilities or as I really refer to them Intellectual Disabilities. Through my experiences with my sister though I did learn that we have to let this population be self-determining. They deserve to have whatever quality of life they have and CHOOSE for themselves how they want to live. If I could advise you about all the upcoming legal issues to let HIM work it out with the court - hopefully the court, seeing his disabilities, will require him so do certain things he is unwilling to do. Having been a "mom" (our parents died young) to someone with Intellectual Disabilities I give you permission to let go and let God. Having taken care of someone with I.D's I accept that they have the RIGHT to live on their terms even if we wouldn't choose this way of life for them. I do understand the heartbreak of trying to balance between wanting to protect and can't take it one more minute. However, if you can detach, perhaps the consequences of difficult child's actions may allow him to understand that what he wants isn't always going to be what he gets. I think that starting to detach <em>now, </em>really will help <em>HIM</em> be better prepared for a time in life when you are no longer there (when you pass away) to pick up the pieces.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="2much2recover, post: 635992, member: 18366"] When I was Legal Guardian of my sister who was developmentally delayed, the State offered a service called support coordination. Maybe something like that is available in your state. If son qualifies, this could help take some of the burdens off your back with a qualified person to deal with the specifics of the disabilities your son suffers from. Besides just offering the services you say your son refuses, I would tell you to tell him, if he refuses to cooperate with a sensible plan and accept those services, that you are sorry but that is the ONLY way you can help him. It sounds as though you are having a hard time detaching from you difficult child because he has disabilities, however I would say to you that things like detachment still apply in these situations - especially if the adult child is able to function on any level in society. It is not YOUR fault that your son has disabilities. One of the reasons my sister with disabilities could be so difficult is that my parents guilt about her disabilities resulting in NO boundaries or consequences on her behavior - so she felt free to act out willfully. She was always a spoiled brat. Yes, I said that - I loved her dearly, but when it came down to her behaviors she could be quite the bully because no one ever taught her that she couldn't be one. You must drum it in your head - that he is what he is - it's his life AND that there is only so much you can do to help. I am extremely sensitive to people with developmental disabilities or as I really refer to them Intellectual Disabilities. Through my experiences with my sister though I did learn that we have to let this population be self-determining. They deserve to have whatever quality of life they have and CHOOSE for themselves how they want to live. If I could advise you about all the upcoming legal issues to let HIM work it out with the court - hopefully the court, seeing his disabilities, will require him so do certain things he is unwilling to do. Having been a "mom" (our parents died young) to someone with Intellectual Disabilities I give you permission to let go and let God. Having taken care of someone with I.D's I accept that they have the RIGHT to live on their terms even if we wouldn't choose this way of life for them. I do understand the heartbreak of trying to balance between wanting to protect and can't take it one more minute. However, if you can detach, perhaps the consequences of difficult child's actions may allow him to understand that what he wants isn't always going to be what he gets. I think that starting to detach [I]now, [/I]really will help [I]HIM[/I] be better prepared for a time in life when you are no longer there (when you pass away) to pick up the pieces. [/QUOTE]
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