So very depressed

[susiestar]

I am glad you gave us an update. It feels so scary to tell someone that you are in that deep a hole, doesn't it? somehow it is easier to try to fix things for others - you don't have to see your own depression then.

Even though you have worked for a hot line, and it isn't "your thing" you might just keep the # rattling in your brain. As for seeing any doctor - go to the county dept of health and tell them you need to see a doctor. They will have a free clinic.

It is hard to take "charity". But honey, for you it isn't charity. It is simply giving back after all the years and bills and things you have paid so your daughter could have some emotional health. and if YOU hadn't paid those things, the "system" would have, and would have paid MORE. So- go to the clinic, see a doctor, let them know you are totally broke. They will still treat you and you have EARNED that treatment a thousand times over by raising the daughter you love.

Yes , you love her. But you STILL could have taken the "easy" way out and ignored her problems or turned her over to foster care or even for adoption. You stuck with her.

Now it is time for the rest of the community to help YOU. There is no shame in going to the Free Clinic. You just get in your car, turn it on, drive to the Health Dept and say "I need to see a doctor. Now."

Or you get in the car, turn it on, and drive to the hospital with an ER. You walk in and tell them you have no money and you need to see a doctor desperately. They CANNOT turn you away. NO matter what time, no matter what problem.

We love you. I know you are not really comfortable with hugs, so I will just sit and pat your hand or give you a gentle hair brushing. Something small and comforting.

And I will bring your favorite soup and make you my special hot cocoa or lattes (with or without mocha - your choice) and some of the awesome brownies Jessie is baking.

No matter what else is going on - know you are loved.

Susie

 

[gcvmom]

MB, listen to Susiestar... she's got seriously good advice. And just because this is a historically crummy time of year for a lot of reasons, doesn't mean you have to feel crummy all alone. Emotions can hoover and make life feel out of control, but they're just feelings, and they will pass. Hang in there.

 

[Wiped Out]

Know you are being thought of and are very much cared for. I hate the economy and what it is doing to so many people right now.

 

[Shari]

MB -

I'm glad to be "stuck" with you. Keep sticking. When your daughter is "done" needing you, I will need you. Heck, I'm sure a whole pile of us here will need you.

Do you know any medications that have helped you in the past?

 

[Lothlorien]

I didn't realize that things were getting this out of hand for you. I'm sorry. I'm with WG....scooch over. We'll hold your hand.

 

[mrscatinthehat]

Hugs.......


beth

 

[susiestar]

Hey, are you OK? I am here to give you a gentle back rub or snuggle you in a blankie or go heat up your chicken soup, just whatever.

Just know I am here with you.

 

[SearchingForRainbows]

MB,

No words of advice - I just want you to know I'm thinking about you too. I'm glad you're part of our "family."

Sending lots of caring thoughts your way... WFEN

 

[Suz]

Hugs, MB. I hope you feel better soon.

Suz

 

[crazymama30]

MB, have you ever tried any herbal supplements for depression? They are less expensive than ad's, and do not require a doctor's vist. I have used both St. John's Wort and 5 HTP with success. I was in a dark place, and I did not like it.

http://www.sjwinfo.org/ There is a link to info about St. John's Wort, and if you scroll to other pages they tell you about other treatments.

I have some leftover St.John's Wort (I can't take it as it can interfere with birth control). If you want it I can ship it to you. Just pm me your address.

 

[hearts and roses]

{{{MB}}} Sending you lots and lots of warm gentle hugs...please just keep checking in.

You're not alone and there will be people around the board over the next few days I'm sure of it. I know I will.'

Edited to add: MB, I am so not a person who likes raw displays of emotions (from myself) at all. I hate that my sister makes a complete spectacle of herself when we're at the movies. A scene that most people will maybe tear up over will have her slobbering and blubbering to the point that people turn in their seats to stare. She brings WADS of tissues with her to EVERY movie, just in case. And her laugh is louder than any wicked witch could ever hope to conjure up. My emotions are mostly kept in check all the time, at least I try. Rarely, except maybe when I have severe PMS, do I show anything more than subtle anything...where as two of my sisters show every passing emotion, whether it's surprise from an escaped fart or watching someone get hit by a bus. I mean their emotions are that raw - and embarrassing for me. Hahaha - I know that sounds mean to say that they embarrass me, but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in your keeping your emotions at bay. I too avoid situations I know will trigger an emotional response for me; I totally get that.

 

[ctmom05]

You've described a serious depression. Relying on your own judgment and going thru previously prescibed medications to decide what might work is just plain old not safe. Neither is something OTC-herbal.

You said "Please don't offer a bunch of suggestions about what I can do to get help because I just don't have it in me to bother and I'm very good at making excuses why I can't do something even when I know the reality is the only thing stopping me is me."

I am going to go out on a limb and ignore that. Find somewhere to get started. A phone call to a hotline may be the gateway you need right now. Many of them do more than just listen to the one phone call; they may be able to make a referal.

To push your need for professional intervention to the side until you feel like it is going to add insult to injury. You may feel better....for awhile, and then it starts again; you know that darn well.

 

[Star*]

OH Kitty britches! I just don't know what to say to you other than I know where you are mentally, financially, and emotionally. I do believe that something good will come out of this for you because you are at a point where you have to consider HOW to get in a better mood, and can't put it off any longer. Maybe that's a bonus to depression of this magnitude?

You're in my thoughts
(my happy ones)
I'm sending ya some - k?

Hugs
Star