in my opinion... This goes right along with baskets A, B and C.
Onyxx had a MySpace account LONG before she was old enough. This was, at first, a battle - and then - we let it go - with caveats. She had to friend us; we had the right to block it from use; we had to be present while she was on it; and we installed a keylogger. Our reasoning was this: One, BM let her, and at the time, she lived there. Meaning at least that way, we had a clue what was going on. Two, it calmed some of the battles down. Mostly reason one, though. When it got out of hand? She was not allowed to use it at our home. And at a couple of points, we contacted MySpace and had them remove the account. She has one out there - and hasn't been on it in MONTHS. Facebook's where everyone is... (And, yes, I know about her other MySpace accounts. They got monitored, too. Thank you, keylogger.) By the time she decided facebook would be worthy? She was 15. And the same rules still apply. Unfortunately, the keylogger isn't working suddenly (last couple of months).
Cleaning rooms - Jett MUST clean his weekly or more often, but Onyxx doesn't have to. Why? Well, hers is MESSY - but clean underneath. His is just disgusting. We removed the carpet last weekend - beautiful hardwood floors underneath - but all the places he urinated on the floor? Were BLACK - and the varnish was GONE. But now, without the carpet and padding, his room no longer reeks. I see a huge difference between messy and dirty. Onyxx's room used to be a MRSA infection waiting to happen. No, I'm not joking. I refused to walk in there barefoot or in house slippers. I didn't touch anything without gloves.
I think it's a difference between what you can stand and what you just can't. I could care less if the kids wear sweatpants to school - with a nice shirt, LOL - as long as they are within dress code and reasonable for the weather. I finally told Jett that if he got sick after wearing t-shirt type shorts and no coat, I wasn't taking him to the doctor. He hasn't done that again... Now that it's getting warmer, I'll have to remind him NOT to wear long sleeves... But if he wants to? OK. He can't take his shirt off if he gets hot at school...
I don't mind if the kids have a water glass in their room. 5, plus other dishes, is overkill to me. Besides, there isn't supposed to be eating in bedrooms... But... I can't supervise 24 hours a day. So I have to grumble at them, but let some things slip a little.
Now, as for "not that bad for a ____ year old"... Onyxx brought 8 Mile over from BM's when she was 11. Imagine our shock. At age 8-9, she wanted to watch Anaconda, etc. and loved Akon - I told her not to bring his music in my home, or it would be destroyed. (Non-negotiable for me.) CD appeared? GONE. Normally I won't do things like that, as I love music AND hate wasting money, but occasionally I will stand my ground. (Never saw another Akon CD... To this day.) I had to block the Playboy Channel (we can't get CMT and VH1, but we get THIS?)... because Onyxx was watching it. (And DVR'ing it - which is how I discovered the problem.)
Some lines in the sand are hard-and-fast, and some are dotted. Each person has to come up with their own "gottas".