Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
So why do we (or in this case I) miss abusive people? I don't get it.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 627156" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Scent...the truth of your incredibly powerful post hit me hard and I started to cry. It is 100% true. You're right. I can never go back to the way it used to be either. I used to think I was the "crazy" one and my sister was the sane one. This particular episode, where she did not instantly cut me out the way she usually does, but engaged me, let me see her mean-spirited thought process, let me learn that she will twist any knife she can when angry, let me know that she is the crazy one. It was never me. I "saw" it ... all of it, but they all blamed me so I took the blame. And, no, since I can see it now I can't go back. </p><p></p><p>I *am* learning, Scent. She is the last link.</p><p></p><p>Years ago, or so it seems, my father used emotional cut off too plus a bonus....his inheritance or what he could give me. It was his 85th birthday. We had planned a surprise party for him, but we unexpectedly could not go to the party. Well, it turned out that he new about the party and was livid that *I* stopped this milestone from happening.</p><p></p><p>But did I? I had talked to my sister and told her to have it anyways. My kids would be there. We'd call. My brother was flying in from NJ. He would be there. My ex-husband whom Dad likes very much would be there. His woman friend would be there. It could go on without me. But Sissy wrote to me and said "Brother already canceled the plane tickets. It's off." He hand't canceled his plane tickets and was there, and I don't really know what happened, but my father told me he would never speak to me again and that he was going to disinherate me for ruining his "surprise" party. Kind of funny in retrospect. I didn't hear from him for a long time. I never thought I'd hear from him again. I felt shamed and angry and sad and nobody would talk to me....then something happened. A lilght bulb went on and I thought...SO WHAT???? I had NOT really ruined the party. Everyone else chose not to go when I couldn't...that was on THEM. As for the inheritance, I no longer give a flip if he gives me any of it or not and THAT took his power away. He can't control me anymore. My sister can not try to control me by angering him against me either because I don't care. </p><p></p><p>My father didn't want an 85th "surprise" party because he loved his family so much and wanted us together. He is very distant. He wanted one because then he could brag about it to the ladies that he dances with at the senior dances that he attends. I kid you not, THAT is why. He didn't say so, but I know him. He is a narcissistic. </p><p></p><p>I don't know why it took me years to see my sister straight after that silly incident about the party. My father is now 90 and, trust me, after that, no party was planned. And he does talk to me with more respect because I have told him firmly that if he is not respectful, I will not stay on the phone. If my sister ever calls me again, and I'm not going to encourage it, that is the way I need to handle her, although she is a bit different. She will say "It's not me, it's you." </p><p></p><p>I will muse over it. I will have a lot of time. I hope I will stop caring about what she does, like I did with my father. </p><p></p><p>All of you are tremendous help. Scent, with your permission, I will print out your response and keep in somewhere I can find it when I need it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 627156, member: 1550"] Scent...the truth of your incredibly powerful post hit me hard and I started to cry. It is 100% true. You're right. I can never go back to the way it used to be either. I used to think I was the "crazy" one and my sister was the sane one. This particular episode, where she did not instantly cut me out the way she usually does, but engaged me, let me see her mean-spirited thought process, let me learn that she will twist any knife she can when angry, let me know that she is the crazy one. It was never me. I "saw" it ... all of it, but they all blamed me so I took the blame. And, no, since I can see it now I can't go back. I *am* learning, Scent. She is the last link. Years ago, or so it seems, my father used emotional cut off too plus a bonus....his inheritance or what he could give me. It was his 85th birthday. We had planned a surprise party for him, but we unexpectedly could not go to the party. Well, it turned out that he new about the party and was livid that *I* stopped this milestone from happening. But did I? I had talked to my sister and told her to have it anyways. My kids would be there. We'd call. My brother was flying in from NJ. He would be there. My ex-husband whom Dad likes very much would be there. His woman friend would be there. It could go on without me. But Sissy wrote to me and said "Brother already canceled the plane tickets. It's off." He hand't canceled his plane tickets and was there, and I don't really know what happened, but my father told me he would never speak to me again and that he was going to disinherate me for ruining his "surprise" party. Kind of funny in retrospect. I didn't hear from him for a long time. I never thought I'd hear from him again. I felt shamed and angry and sad and nobody would talk to me....then something happened. A lilght bulb went on and I thought...SO WHAT???? I had NOT really ruined the party. Everyone else chose not to go when I couldn't...that was on THEM. As for the inheritance, I no longer give a flip if he gives me any of it or not and THAT took his power away. He can't control me anymore. My sister can not try to control me by angering him against me either because I don't care. My father didn't want an 85th "surprise" party because he loved his family so much and wanted us together. He is very distant. He wanted one because then he could brag about it to the ladies that he dances with at the senior dances that he attends. I kid you not, THAT is why. He didn't say so, but I know him. He is a narcissistic. I don't know why it took me years to see my sister straight after that silly incident about the party. My father is now 90 and, trust me, after that, no party was planned. And he does talk to me with more respect because I have told him firmly that if he is not respectful, I will not stay on the phone. If my sister ever calls me again, and I'm not going to encourage it, that is the way I need to handle her, although she is a bit different. She will say "It's not me, it's you." I will muse over it. I will have a lot of time. I hope I will stop caring about what she does, like I did with my father. All of you are tremendous help. Scent, with your permission, I will print out your response and keep in somewhere I can find it when I need it. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
So why do we (or in this case I) miss abusive people? I don't get it.
Top