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Parent Emeritus
So why do we (or in this case I) miss abusive people? I don't get it.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 627157" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I forgot to mention one huge manipulation weapon my sister often used to cut me off from trying to resolve a conflict. </p><p></p><p>She would call the police and they'd come over and say she said I was harassing her. She did this OFTEN. The first time she did it, I was in my middle 30s and this was her first cut off. Apparently, although she would not tell me why at the time, she was angry because I had told my mother some things about her that she felt put her in a bad light and she would not hear me out as to why I told her...it's not important. I shouldn't have told my mother ANYTHING, but I was not as far along on this journey at the time. I actually had told her these things when I was in my 20's so my sister was furious about something I had told my mother when I was in my 20's, some ten years earlier than when she first cut me off. I called and called to find out why she wouldn't talk to me. I loved her dearly then, I was hysterical, but she kept hanging up on me. Finally, I drove to her house and rang the doorbell calling for her to at least let me in and explain what I did. When she wouldn't, I got so mad that I took off my tennis shoe, which was like a canvas shoe, and wrote on it "FU" and threw it at her door. </p><p></p><p>She called the cops. Some of you or all of you may have thought she was justified. I think she may have been justified. After all, it was HER house, she didn't want me there, I wouldn't go away and I threw my shoe at her door. Then to make it worse (this turns into a bad comedy) my car wouldn't start. I had to call husband, who was boyfriend at the time and did not like my sister or the drama, and he had to start the car. The police came in the meantime. </p><p></p><p>She apparently liked the police idea because she started to use it every time she cut me off if I called her. One time we bought a new car and had moved so she didn't know what to tell the cops about where we lived. Maybe back then they couldn't figure it out on name alone. Maybe they didn't want to waste the time. Eventually, I saw her at a mall and then saw her copying down our new car's license plate number. It had been some three to five months since I had called her without her permission, but she called the cops anyway to say I was harassing her. And I hadn't called her except for that one day when I probably tried to call her three or so times to find out what she was angry about THIS time. </p><p></p><p>She even called the cops in Wisconsin in my small town. The cops she got was the father of one of Jumper's good friends and he knows us and asked if Sis is mentally ill. Then he told me with the honesty of a friend that she told him I had borderline. And she is always accusing ME of stepping over her boundaries. She knew this was a small time and that I knew the cops. Of course, this time I denied it and just said, yes, she was mentally ill. He shook his head and said, "She was really carrying on. Well, I'll tell her I warned you. I have to." I said I understood. </p><p></p><p>She only stopped calling the cops when I emphasized that we were friends with all the cops (all three...lol) and that they knew me well and were unlikely to believe I have any disorder, which is true.</p><p></p><p>We are moving to a bigger town now. I'm sure she'll be able to find it on the internet...new address. But I will not call her or text her anymore to give her fodder for the cops. We don't know the cops in the new city and it is bigger.</p><p></p><p>Sis, I see you for what you now.</p><p></p><p>Sis, why did it take me so long and why does it still hurt?</p><p></p><p>Sis, even though it hurts, I am much stronger now. You can't break me. Not like you did, and liked doing, the first time you cut me off.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 627157, member: 1550"] I forgot to mention one huge manipulation weapon my sister often used to cut me off from trying to resolve a conflict. She would call the police and they'd come over and say she said I was harassing her. She did this OFTEN. The first time she did it, I was in my middle 30s and this was her first cut off. Apparently, although she would not tell me why at the time, she was angry because I had told my mother some things about her that she felt put her in a bad light and she would not hear me out as to why I told her...it's not important. I shouldn't have told my mother ANYTHING, but I was not as far along on this journey at the time. I actually had told her these things when I was in my 20's so my sister was furious about something I had told my mother when I was in my 20's, some ten years earlier than when she first cut me off. I called and called to find out why she wouldn't talk to me. I loved her dearly then, I was hysterical, but she kept hanging up on me. Finally, I drove to her house and rang the doorbell calling for her to at least let me in and explain what I did. When she wouldn't, I got so mad that I took off my tennis shoe, which was like a canvas shoe, and wrote on it "FU" and threw it at her door. She called the cops. Some of you or all of you may have thought she was justified. I think she may have been justified. After all, it was HER house, she didn't want me there, I wouldn't go away and I threw my shoe at her door. Then to make it worse (this turns into a bad comedy) my car wouldn't start. I had to call husband, who was boyfriend at the time and did not like my sister or the drama, and he had to start the car. The police came in the meantime. She apparently liked the police idea because she started to use it every time she cut me off if I called her. One time we bought a new car and had moved so she didn't know what to tell the cops about where we lived. Maybe back then they couldn't figure it out on name alone. Maybe they didn't want to waste the time. Eventually, I saw her at a mall and then saw her copying down our new car's license plate number. It had been some three to five months since I had called her without her permission, but she called the cops anyway to say I was harassing her. And I hadn't called her except for that one day when I probably tried to call her three or so times to find out what she was angry about THIS time. She even called the cops in Wisconsin in my small town. The cops she got was the father of one of Jumper's good friends and he knows us and asked if Sis is mentally ill. Then he told me with the honesty of a friend that she told him I had borderline. And she is always accusing ME of stepping over her boundaries. She knew this was a small time and that I knew the cops. Of course, this time I denied it and just said, yes, she was mentally ill. He shook his head and said, "She was really carrying on. Well, I'll tell her I warned you. I have to." I said I understood. She only stopped calling the cops when I emphasized that we were friends with all the cops (all three...lol) and that they knew me well and were unlikely to believe I have any disorder, which is true. We are moving to a bigger town now. I'm sure she'll be able to find it on the internet...new address. But I will not call her or text her anymore to give her fodder for the cops. We don't know the cops in the new city and it is bigger. Sis, I see you for what you now. Sis, why did it take me so long and why does it still hurt? Sis, even though it hurts, I am much stronger now. You can't break me. Not like you did, and liked doing, the first time you cut me off. [/QUOTE]
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So why do we (or in this case I) miss abusive people? I don't get it.
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