Socializing after gfgness

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by maril, Jun 27, 2009.

  1. maril

    maril New Member

    I feel confident in my decision to go to the graduation party of friends'/neighbors' daughter today; odd to say "confident," I know, but I will explain.

    Of course, over time, our saga with difficult child has made its way through the grapevine and there are those, who look at us negatively. Personally, I feel we have tried hard to address our issues as best we could.

    I am aware there will be detractors at the party but will go there, keeping in mind: 1) The family invited us/included us, 2) We are going to celebrate a lovely young woman's graduation/it is her special day.

    Thanks for listening. :peaceful:
  2. Jeppy

    Jeppy New Member

    Enoy the party! Obviously the hosts are able to see beyond surface behaviors of your difficult child to the valuable person underneath. I love it when that happens!
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Enjoy! I think you have made the right decision. Go and have a great time!!
  4. maril

    maril New Member

    Thanks to both of you! We had a good time and it was nice to catch up with neighbors. It seems like all of our kids have grown up so fast.

    My attitude is a little better now; not so sour. :halfsmile:
  5. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I'm glad you had fun. For a long time I did no socializing because of difficult child's antics. It was so hard to face the friends I had for so very long who had seen his promise and then his downward spiral. In the past year I have come out of my shell and started going out and about again. I know that it didn't bother my friends as much as it did me---it was just my perception and the shame I felt about his behavior. I will never again isolate myself because of difficult child's choices. It put me in a dark hole that I had to fight to get out of.
  6. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Good for you for appreciating the family's wish to include you and honoring their special day.
    I am also someone who felt that others judged my son and I was defensive about him. I learned that who difficult child is isn't me. There are actually people who wanted to know me or socialize with our family regardless of difficult child's antics.

    I have 2 separate type social groups. One that knows my son and understands and a more formal group that knows some but not any intimate details of our life. We are polite with the second group and enjoy ourselves socially but it's on a superficial level. Not everyone has to know everything about your life and it's ok to enjoy events without being tainted by the difficult child's in our lives.

    It's good that you went. One small step forward for you. Keep going.
  7. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I'm glad you went and enjoyed yourself! :thumbsup:
  8. maril

    maril New Member

    Thanks to all!

    Fran and everywoman: I am encouraged by what you have shared, and it helps to see how other parents deal with their feelings in a positive way. It is good that you both have overcome challenges we all face with our difficult children.

    Learning from you all on these boards has helped me gain a better perspective, and I seem to be able to better define what my role should be at this point with an older teen difficult child. Sometimes I do slip ... I need to continue to work on being consistent and to also recognize what is his responsibility vs. mine.

    Hope you all enjoy your Sunday and that it is truly a day of rest (and a peaceful day, also)! :peaceful: