Hello SS, I am sorry for your need to be here, but it is a place where folks understand your feelings.
Life in general has been tough.
I agree,
life is tough, everyone seems to be enduring some sort of battle.
Especially here on CD.
I haven't seen my son in a couple of months. He usually doesn't answer my messages. Or, maybe, he'll send a one-word answer.
This can be a hard thing. It is the same for me with my two. They either fall off the radar completely, have no phone, or when they do contact me, it is because they want something. Hmmmmmm.
I decided some time ago, to give them over to God. I remind myself that they were just on loan to me in the first place, that my job raising them is done, and they will do as they choose. It may seem like an opt out, or a cop out, but, it has given me some peace of mind when my thoughts wander to the what ifs. That is a difficult place to be, and it prevents me from living my life.
The wondering and worrying can drive you nuts. I've been at this a long time and one thing I've learned is my worrying was wasted energy.
I have been at this for a long time as well. Worrying is wasted energy, I agree. So many times, my thoughts drifted to catastrophic outcomes, and my d cs are out there living the life of their choosing.
We have absolutely no control over what out adult children will do.
Zero.
Acknowledging that fact is a step towards moving forward with your life.
You have worth, you matter.
I have to keep reminding myself that's him, not me. I hope you can find a way to treat yourself to a Christmas without stress and drama. You deserve it.
Yes, you do deserve stress free holidays.
I am glad you are not paying child support, you are right, it is not your job.
I have grandchildren in the mix of this, too. So, I understand the hardship of that. Hubs and I stepped in a lot to help, but, in the long run, their parents just relinquished their role and expected everyone else to take care of their responsibilities.
While they partied.
Uhhhh, no.
We have the front row seats to the drama.
We, do have front seats, but it is possible to move to the back, or leave the theater all together.
It doesn't mean we stop loving them, it just means there is no room for all of the crazy and drama to infect our lives.
We really just want our d cs to live good lives. Our sacrificing our own life, does not accomplish that, in fact, I believe we are our kids best example of how to live.
Many holidays, I languished in despair over what was going on with my two.
I realized that their addiction and bad choices was like a river flooding over the banks and I was drowning in it.
My drowning had no effect on them, in fact, it allowed them to run all over me.
It was time to swim out of the current of drama and stress.
No good could become of my demise for any of us.
Many times I thought "How can I enjoy myself when they are out there floundering?"
A good question to ask ourselves is "How does our loss of peace and joy help our d cs?"
It doesn't.
Take time to work on yourself and shift your focus away from something you cannot change, anyway.
Slowly move from the front seat of the drama.
You matter.
By taking care of yourself, you are showing your son, what he needs to do.
It doesn't happen over night, but, you are truly worth the effort.
(((HUGS)))
Leafy