Some days it is so hard to love a difficult child....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Mom2oddson, Aug 6, 2012.

  1. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    10 days ago, we got back from vacation and Steph moved out that same day. She had to leave because we don't show her any respect or give her any support. And it was okay with us because we were going to give her 30 days to move out.

    We made a deal that we would keep her cell phone on if she came over on Sundays and picked up doggie droppings. The first Sunday she showed up after a text reminder to do it.

    Yesterday, I sent a text asking if she was still planning on keeping the deal and did she need a ride. I sent the text at 10:55. At noon I got back a text from her...... "Get off my nuts! I just woke up!" (Hope that passes the sensors). Needless to say, her phone is permentantly turned off.

    So, after a while, I go make myself a drink and go sit on the deck with husband to relax. There was something wrong with my drink. It was soda and WATER.... The next bottle I went to was water and the next and the next and the next.... All my liquor bottles were filled with water. Guess now I know why she moved as soon as we got back from vacation.

    Oh, and all of those bottles were well hidden in different parts of the house. She had to search hard to find them. And all my gold chains are missing. And all the silver change is missing out of what I thought was a very well hidden change jar. My sealed bottle of nitroglicerin is no longer sealed. I'm sure there are other things that are gone that I just haven't found yet.

    I really love my daughter when she is herself. I can't stand the drug addict version of her. But the "Get of my..." comment really makes it hard to love her.

    Of course now, I'm sure we won't hear anything from her or about her for many months. husband and I were talking about how we have to accept that there is a chance that we may never hear from her. Or there is that chance that she will OD, or end up in jail.
  2. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry, mom. This just made my heart sink. Even if these revelations are affirmations that kicking her out was the right thing to do, it doesn't make them any less painful. I remember coming home from vacation once when I'd let Oldest house sit for me.. and my house was a disaster, my change jars emptied, pills missing. I just cried.

  3. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    Thanks. We knew that Steph was on a bad path again, but this was just final proof.

    What is really scary is that she's not living with other family members or with one friend. She's out couch surfing among her druggie friends. I'm really afraid of losing her, either from her permanently ending her relationship with us or because she loses her life over her decisions. it's so hard.
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending understanding and caring hugs. Over the years I have experienced some of those things...and although I never had rude/crude talk to cope with, it just breaks your heart. I'm sorry you are going through this. DDD
  5. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I know how difficult this is for you and H. I understand the thought process of never hearing from her again or she will end up in jail or die, it is a horrible way to think, I think that as well about my own difficult child. I am sending you hugs and warm wishes that you find peace.
  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Just sending hugs.
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I'm so sorry she's walking down that path again. Maybe this time with no family/friends to fall back on (I don't count addict friends as friends), she'll bottom out faster and be ready to turn it around soon.

    I know it has got to be hard watching her to this to herself. She'll stay in my prayers.
  8. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    I am so sorry. You know you've done your best. Someday I pray that she will know it too.
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im so sorry. You know my stance on the stealing but at this point I really think you should simply because she stole nitro pills. Those arent anything to play with. They can kill you. Its not like she stole a few lorcet or phenergan which while they are bad enough, they wont kill her unless she takes them all at once. The nitro scares me to death.
  10. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    (((HUGS))) my difficult child has been a professional couch surfer for a couple of years now....I am still waiting for bottom...every time I think she is there, I am proven wrong. I am so sorry. :(
  11. JillS

    JillS New Member

    Yes, they can be very hard to love when they violate you and continue to make one bad decision after another. So sorry you're going through this.
  12. peg2

    peg2 Member

    Sending many prayers. I am going through the same thing, but had to get restraining order on my then 19 year old son(22 now). Can not accept abuse, of any kind. I am devastated, and wish I could tell you how to handle it, but I can't myself, very well. I go to therapy and am also battling breast cancer(diagnosed Feb. of this year). How much can we handle? Sometimes there is nothing to do but pray, but you can't have her back with you!!!!!!
    Hugs, Peg.