Some good news for a change!

[Signorina]

{{{hugs}}} I would guess and hope that her friends are responding to her privately and/or have their own comments set to private and you just can't see that activity. Go Patriots. (Packers are out so i will stick with rooting for the Ps) Happy anniversary

 

[recoveringenabler]

Many big hugs to you. Reading your story brings back memories of all the drama my daughter has created in our lives. I am so sorry. It is so hard. Enjoy your game today and take care of you. I think that is the biggest thing I've learned, to focus and care for myself FIRST and out of that, I can be available for others. It sounds easy but for some of us, it's the most difficult thing. I agree with others, you seem more invested in her job then she is. Boy, do I know how that is. My girl is a lot older then yours, 39, and she is still unemployed, now homeless, now in jail. I've almost always been more invested in her life then she is. What a journey. All these wonderful mothers are right there with you. That sure helps me. Blessings to you.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

She posted something this morning that makes me think she is moving on from being depressed over the situation to being mad. That is healthy, I guess. But someone wrote a comment and I was SO glad they did. Someone posted, hi, remember me from so and so's house? Then asked, "Aren't you tired of this life, yet??".

At least it didn't come from me and someone else backed up what I am constantly asking her....

I honestly don't think she would harm herself. She is far too narcississtic for that. I DO believe she continues to threaten for the attention and hoping that would scare loser into staying with her. If she was serious about harming herself, she wouldn't keep posting about it on Facebook...

This is heartbreaking. I want so much more for her than she does for herself. How frustrating! And yet I have been on this ride for so long I am starting to wonder if I will ever truly be able to get off of it...and I NEED to get off.

 

[Bean]

And for those of you still reading this soap opera, I just heard form her and yes, she lost her job. Shocker. Something about taking too much time so I am thinking I was right on with what happened. She was probably supposed to show up yesterday and overslept. Nice. I feel like she will never realize that drugs are truly costing her everything. And yes, I do believe she is still doing drugs - unsure what, but she is still not right. She is depressed. Her boyfriend, who is supposed to be a grown man, is a loser who does absolutely nothing as far as I can tell. They fight and make up in cycles in what seems like a daily basis. If they break up, she has nowhere to stay out there. Her life is an absolute mess and I feel helpless. There is nothing I can do. She has to learn and hopefully grow from this. But, I need to be done. I took time off from work (which has set me back even further in my workload) to buy her the shoes she needed, the pants she needed as well as take another day off to get her driver's license and she couldn't even make it in to work. Time to detach big time.

I get it. I'm with you. Been there, done and doing that. I can see a lot of my actions and responses in what you are doing, and could have written nearly the same posts.

Got job - yay

Needs clothes - ugh, OK.. will buy, want to be supportive
(here's where you've "invested" though, and so now you're even more wrapped up in her keeping the job)

Oops - another crisis - doesn't have xxx - better help her get that, she's almost THERE

1st day of work/school/AA/whatever - probably shouldn't, but DO check in... just a wanting a confirmation that she went, that she's there, that it is for REAL
(here's where you hear nothing, and in desperation check the Facebook)

Didn't do what they were supposed to do - the let down sinks in... anger, remorse, anxiety, fear, sadness, frustration
(they're already off on the next drama or situation, as you're still stewing about the missed opportunity)

It is SO completely frustrating. I've done that I don't know how many times. When you invest your time in these things, and put yourself 2nd, when the end result isn't what it should have been, you're back at square one.

I, now, am at the point where I just don't budge. If she's going to do something - great. If she wants it bad enough, she'll get it herself. She's getting her booze, drugs and fake nails somehow. She can get her pants, ID, whatever. At this point she's gotten so many IDs, pants, shoes, work outfits, and has NOTHING to show for any of it. NOTHING. No lasting jobs, NOTHING. Just food stamps. She can get those just fine. I feel badly. Unsupportive. But, today, right now... I'm in self-protection mode. I truly believe if she wants it, when she decides she does - she won't be stopped. But, as long as (my kid) is calling me and wanting me to set aside my life for her needs, and that is the pinnacle of her success, I know it won't work. That's the cycle of codependency that we're trying to break. Been there, done that, same result each time. She says I'm abandoning her (and that's what my gut feels like, too), but in our situation, I'm trying to allow her to grow. Extreme situation, somewhat extreme reaction. I don't think anyone who hasn't raised a child who is a GFGx3 would understand.

Not saying this is the formula for your response, but it's where I'm at right now.

Hang in. I feel for you.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

I get it. I'm with you. Been there, done and doing that. I can see a lot of my actions and responses in what you are doing, and could have written nearly the same posts.



It is SO completely frustrating. I've done that I don't know how many times. When you invest your time in these things, and put yourself 2nd, when the end result isn't what it should have been, you're back at square one.

I, now, am at the point where I just don't budge. If she's going to do something - great. If she wants it bad enough, she'll get it herself. She's getting her booze, drugs and fake nails somehow. She can get her pants, ID, whatever. At this point she's gotten so many IDs, pants, shoes, work outfits, and has NOTHING to show for any of it. NOTHING. No lasting jobs, NOTHING. Just food stamps. She can get those just fine. I feel badly. Unsupportive. But, today, right now... I'm in self-protection mode. I truly believe if she wants it, when she decides she does - she won't be stopped. But, as long as (my kid) is calling me and wanting me to set aside my life for her needs, and that is the pinnacle of her success, I know it won't work. That's the cycle of codependency that we're trying to break. Been there, done that, same result each time. She says I'm abandoning her (and that's what my gut feels like, too), but in our situation, I'm trying to allow her to grow. Extreme situation, somewhat extreme reaction. I don't think anyone who hasn't raised a child who is a GFGx3 would understand.

Not saying this is the formula for your response, but it's where I'm at right now.

Hang in. I feel for you.

Wow - you really get me. Like scary got me. Thank you!!! You are so spot on right, too. So right. I need to back off again. It is when I backed off that she started doing good. I get wrapped up in everything again and things go down the crapper. I think that tells me I need to detach and stay detached.