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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 704709" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You are asking how to be sane while living with Insanity. There are no guidelines to living with somebody who won't respect your rules or listen or get help. I would have called the police long ago for the drug use as I did when my daughter was fifteen and he would have no access to driving since he drinks and uses drugs (did this too) and if he wanted extra money he'd get a job he could walk to. Yes, even in the cold.</p><p></p><p>He can dress warm...They are young. I work at a restaurant and a few of the kids who work with me walk far and ride bikes even in the Wisconsin cold and snow. Since they do work sometimes they save enough for cabs. They are kids who are hard workers whose parents do not or can not give them all the extras so they make sure they work hard and pay themselves.</p><p></p><p>My daughter did not stop using drugs but she feared the consequences of being caught so she was more respectful and careful than your son. I think I is necessary to instill a it of fear of our ways of dealing with breaking the law and being disrespectful under our roof or else they 200% control ourbspace with the knowledge that we will do nothing about it. So then it becomes blatant and worse to live with.</p><p></p><p>Over my dead body would my house smell like either weed or cigarettes. She knew this and did not do it or did it only discretely and not a lot. If she brought anything into the house including cigarettes (and she knew we would go through her bedroom...We removed her lock) everything we found was thrown out or shown to the cops. This included cigarettes as nobody, and she wasn't exception, can smoke anything under my roof. I have a smoke free home. She learned to abide b tst and, was not allowed to bring hervseedy boyfriend's iverwhen she quit drugs, she even quit cigarettes.</p><p></p><p>Girlfriend would be banned from my home. My daughter wasn't allowed to bring her seedy boyfriends over. If they tried to come in, even in front of my daughter I would tell them to go or Id call the cops. I was known in Kid Drug world as "mean." So what? I did not look to them for admiration.</p><p></p><p></p><p>My concrete suggestions are to cut out all Only, give him what you legally have to untill he turns ,18 (no car, cell, expensive clothing, junk good, nothing,) and to call the police if the teen does drugs in your house. At seventeen, it doesn't stay on the record, although he is prepping to get a record all on his own at 18 and beyond.</p><p></p><p>As long as they get a totally free ride to be awful, they are, which is bad for us and our difficult children and other loved ones. It doesn't teach them one thing if they break the law and we don't call the police. Well, it teaches them that mom will rescue them forever and will never make a stand. That gets worse as they age. They continue to beg for money and often become abusive and even violent when they are 25 and we say no.</p><p></p><p>If you are unwilling to make his life uncomfortable, there is no way to make things tolerable. You can't. You will feel him walking all over you, learning nothing about consequences about illegal behavior in your home. And disrespect.</p><p></p><p>I don't know of any other way to make anything change for the better. This journey we were handed is not for the faint of heart. That is just a fact. We either stand strong or lose ourselves as well as watching sometimes as the rest of our relationships also fall apart. We in my opinion must have the upper hand. Our house/our rules or we do not help you one bit. Sorry.</p><p></p><p>Hugs for all your hurting.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 704709, member: 1550"] You are asking how to be sane while living with Insanity. There are no guidelines to living with somebody who won't respect your rules or listen or get help. I would have called the police long ago for the drug use as I did when my daughter was fifteen and he would have no access to driving since he drinks and uses drugs (did this too) and if he wanted extra money he'd get a job he could walk to. Yes, even in the cold. He can dress warm...They are young. I work at a restaurant and a few of the kids who work with me walk far and ride bikes even in the Wisconsin cold and snow. Since they do work sometimes they save enough for cabs. They are kids who are hard workers whose parents do not or can not give them all the extras so they make sure they work hard and pay themselves. My daughter did not stop using drugs but she feared the consequences of being caught so she was more respectful and careful than your son. I think I is necessary to instill a it of fear of our ways of dealing with breaking the law and being disrespectful under our roof or else they 200% control ourbspace with the knowledge that we will do nothing about it. So then it becomes blatant and worse to live with. Over my dead body would my house smell like either weed or cigarettes. She knew this and did not do it or did it only discretely and not a lot. If she brought anything into the house including cigarettes (and she knew we would go through her bedroom...We removed her lock) everything we found was thrown out or shown to the cops. This included cigarettes as nobody, and she wasn't exception, can smoke anything under my roof. I have a smoke free home. She learned to abide b tst and, was not allowed to bring hervseedy boyfriend's iverwhen she quit drugs, she even quit cigarettes. Girlfriend would be banned from my home. My daughter wasn't allowed to bring her seedy boyfriends over. If they tried to come in, even in front of my daughter I would tell them to go or Id call the cops. I was known in Kid Drug world as "mean." So what? I did not look to them for admiration. My concrete suggestions are to cut out all Only, give him what you legally have to untill he turns ,18 (no car, cell, expensive clothing, junk good, nothing,) and to call the police if the teen does drugs in your house. At seventeen, it doesn't stay on the record, although he is prepping to get a record all on his own at 18 and beyond. As long as they get a totally free ride to be awful, they are, which is bad for us and our difficult children and other loved ones. It doesn't teach them one thing if they break the law and we don't call the police. Well, it teaches them that mom will rescue them forever and will never make a stand. That gets worse as they age. They continue to beg for money and often become abusive and even violent when they are 25 and we say no. If you are unwilling to make his life uncomfortable, there is no way to make things tolerable. You can't. You will feel him walking all over you, learning nothing about consequences about illegal behavior in your home. And disrespect. I don't know of any other way to make anything change for the better. This journey we were handed is not for the faint of heart. That is just a fact. We either stand strong or lose ourselves as well as watching sometimes as the rest of our relationships also fall apart. We in my opinion must have the upper hand. Our house/our rules or we do not help you one bit. Sorry. Hugs for all your hurting. [/QUOTE]
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