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<blockquote data-quote="dayatatime" data-source="post: 704733" data-attributes="member: 17805"><p>Wow. This is all really familiar. </p><p></p><p>CDN_DAD- my son was so much like yours. Reading your posts make me so happy that I gave custody to the state. I did it at a little moment where he was out of my house, but due to come back. I sent a certified letter saying that I was unable to care for him and wouldn't be picking him up. There was a lot of intimidation.... he's your responsibility.... abandonment, etc, but it wan't real, and I had my therapist to back me up- say I couldn't care for him.... I can say more if it's helpful. </p><p></p><p>Go Slow- when my son was in the house I lived out of a safe- jewelry, medications, keys, etc. all went in there the second i got home. At the moment because he visits and has figured out that destroying childhood mementos is the best way to stab me, I will be bringing my photo albums to friend's house so he can't destroy them. He was here and things were crazy the other night so old survival stuff I learned from the years he lived here kicked in: I slept with my cloths on, holding my keys, and with my phone right with me. </p><p></p><p>I'd put the local precinct's number in your phone- I think I did that well in advance of becoming willing to dial them. I developed relationships with the youth officers and the domestic violence officers at the local precinct. </p><p></p><p>I kept a paper trail, recording all failed interventions so when things came to a head and some new case worker/PO/whomever came into the picture I could just print it instead of having to try and remember all the years stuff.</p><p></p><p>I installed a second lock. One lock only I have the key to, one lock he has the key to.</p><p></p><p>I got lots of help for myself. Alonon, therapy, more therapy, group therapy, more alonon, spiritual communities, family therapy, etc. </p><p></p><p>I started working outside the house. I worked from home. But the structure of changing to an environment of a group of people helped. </p><p></p><p>Exercise. I'm falling down there now- but swimming and yoga are my favorites- because they are slow and paced and relaxing. </p><p></p><p>I try to be careful about whom I talk to about the situation. Most people don't understand. It isn't helpful to hear their feedback. I don't tell my mother much- she's so fast to reject my son and that's too painful to me. And am almost always do not feel supported by my regular friends on the topic. They just don't get it.</p><p></p><p>Talking to people who do get it: opening up about how bad it really was let me start seeing how bad it really was. </p><p></p><p>Ultimately, for me, it came down to accepting that I really, really couldn't find a sane way to live with insanity, or reason with unreasonable..... </p><p></p><p>I can to accept that my own life had value. That I mattered. That's the biggest way I made it through.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dayatatime, post: 704733, member: 17805"] Wow. This is all really familiar. CDN_DAD- my son was so much like yours. Reading your posts make me so happy that I gave custody to the state. I did it at a little moment where he was out of my house, but due to come back. I sent a certified letter saying that I was unable to care for him and wouldn't be picking him up. There was a lot of intimidation.... he's your responsibility.... abandonment, etc, but it wan't real, and I had my therapist to back me up- say I couldn't care for him.... I can say more if it's helpful. Go Slow- when my son was in the house I lived out of a safe- jewelry, medications, keys, etc. all went in there the second i got home. At the moment because he visits and has figured out that destroying childhood mementos is the best way to stab me, I will be bringing my photo albums to friend's house so he can't destroy them. He was here and things were crazy the other night so old survival stuff I learned from the years he lived here kicked in: I slept with my cloths on, holding my keys, and with my phone right with me. I'd put the local precinct's number in your phone- I think I did that well in advance of becoming willing to dial them. I developed relationships with the youth officers and the domestic violence officers at the local precinct. I kept a paper trail, recording all failed interventions so when things came to a head and some new case worker/PO/whomever came into the picture I could just print it instead of having to try and remember all the years stuff. I installed a second lock. One lock only I have the key to, one lock he has the key to. I got lots of help for myself. Alonon, therapy, more therapy, group therapy, more alonon, spiritual communities, family therapy, etc. I started working outside the house. I worked from home. But the structure of changing to an environment of a group of people helped. Exercise. I'm falling down there now- but swimming and yoga are my favorites- because they are slow and paced and relaxing. I try to be careful about whom I talk to about the situation. Most people don't understand. It isn't helpful to hear their feedback. I don't tell my mother much- she's so fast to reject my son and that's too painful to me. And am almost always do not feel supported by my regular friends on the topic. They just don't get it. Talking to people who do get it: opening up about how bad it really was let me start seeing how bad it really was. Ultimately, for me, it came down to accepting that I really, really couldn't find a sane way to live with insanity, or reason with unreasonable..... I can to accept that my own life had value. That I mattered. That's the biggest way I made it through. [/QUOTE]
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