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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 61596" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Remember that old song with "you have to be cruel to be kind, in the right measure..."?? I think letting natural consequences take their course is a form of this. Sometimes it can make you feel like the meanest person alive, but you're actually helping them learn valuable lessons that have a much better chance of sticking than just telling them something.</p><p></p><p>A few years back my easy child asked me if I'd either cosign or give her the down payment for a loan to buy her house. I told her I'd do neither, if you can't get the loan on your own you don't need it, and if you don't have the down payment you don't need the house. Look for a home in a different price range. When she was crushed (and she was) I explained that I'd waited 20 yrs for my first home. That just because she was newly married and had a child didn't mean she was ready to own her own home yet.</p><p></p><p>easy child found another way to get the loan, and it involved making her house payment more affordable. Also she found a better home in a lower price range that was a far better deal than the one's she'd been looking at. If I'd done what easy child wanted she could've lost the house due to the payments being too high and ruined her credit. I had to be harsh and firm in the moment to help her in the future.</p><p></p><p>As far as the budget.... You could have a set allowance for difficult child. If she over spends for whatever reason she remains broke til time for allowance again. If she needs something during that time she does without.</p><p></p><p>I do the above for Travis, although it was with his paycheck. He'd blow it on tons of stuff he didn't need then whine about not having money to eat ect. Enough times of doing without, and he greatly improved on budgeting his own money. (he lives at home)</p><p></p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 61596, member: 84"] Remember that old song with "you have to be cruel to be kind, in the right measure..."?? I think letting natural consequences take their course is a form of this. Sometimes it can make you feel like the meanest person alive, but you're actually helping them learn valuable lessons that have a much better chance of sticking than just telling them something. A few years back my easy child asked me if I'd either cosign or give her the down payment for a loan to buy her house. I told her I'd do neither, if you can't get the loan on your own you don't need it, and if you don't have the down payment you don't need the house. Look for a home in a different price range. When she was crushed (and she was) I explained that I'd waited 20 yrs for my first home. That just because she was newly married and had a child didn't mean she was ready to own her own home yet. easy child found another way to get the loan, and it involved making her house payment more affordable. Also she found a better home in a lower price range that was a far better deal than the one's she'd been looking at. If I'd done what easy child wanted she could've lost the house due to the payments being too high and ruined her credit. I had to be harsh and firm in the moment to help her in the future. As far as the budget.... You could have a set allowance for difficult child. If she over spends for whatever reason she remains broke til time for allowance again. If she needs something during that time she does without. I do the above for Travis, although it was with his paycheck. He'd blow it on tons of stuff he didn't need then whine about not having money to eat ect. Enough times of doing without, and he greatly improved on budgeting his own money. (he lives at home) Hugs [/QUOTE]
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