Someone help me get thru this ......LONG

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by tracyf551, Apr 22, 2009.

  1. tracyf551

    tracyf551 New Member

    I feel like I want to scream, yell, cry, just bawl my eyes out and I don't know what to do!!!!!! I get call from my mom yesterday said difficult child called her for a ride cuz he was left by his "friends " in a town about 1 hour away. We were going to go get him but then received a text from him that they came back. Then mom calls me back saying a police officer from this town had called her but didn't understand the message. So I called the officer back. Well here's the story difficult child was caught on tape stealing from a store there, bad enough I know. The real kicker is the car they are in is stolen!!!!! The officer tells me he knows difficult child is not the one who stole the car that he is just caught up. But they need him to turn himself in for the theft. They say they need to question him about the car, finger print and picture for the theft and he is released. They want the girl driving the car. She apparently went to a dealer in our town for a test drive and was to bring the car back the next day and didn't. I know difficult child has no license and insurance in order to do this. The officer said the first one to turn themself in has charges for the car dropped but if difficult child is caught in the car he goes for grand theft and retail theft. Roughly 10 to 12 years. So since all this I have been trying to get him to come and let me take him to talk to them. I told him thru texting if he gets caught in that car its all over. Needless to say work was rough today. I text him at lunch and told him I will come get him and we will go he said OK. But when I got ready to leave he stopped texting and I don't know where he is. I have had his real friends trying to get in touch with him but no responce. The girl he is with is the same girl who turned him onto heroin.
    Don't get me wrong he is no angel, but difficult child is also not a typical 18-19 year old. He is very immature, then mind of a 13 year old. He still calls me Mommy, like when he was little. I am affraid he is laying someplace dead, in jail, or something. He has been depressed for a long time and these drugs are making it worse. I don't know what to do. I feel like I am dying inside!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  2. ShyChelle

    ShyChelle New Member

    I can somewhat relate. ((((hugs)))) I honestly don't know what else I can say to help. Gotta love em, but there just isn't anyway you can control the situation. Which ***** I know. Maybe take a calm walk or nice bath. You have to take care of your own sanity or you won't be able to handle the what's next thing. Then text him again and hopefully the silence on the other end will change. I don't know if any of that helps or makes sense. If anything big hugs and prayers for your son are going out from me.
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Tracy I'm so very sorry. I can imagine your worry.

    I hope you hear from difficult child soon.

  4. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry, Tracy. I hope that he will re-think this. The sad thing is that the girl will probably put it all on him when the time comes, and regardless of what they know to be true, that story will get into the record and he'll have to defend himself from it.
  5. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    Wow. That would be stressful - very stressful. I don't know if there is much else you can do, but wait and see if he turns up or turns himself in.

    So sorry for you!
  6. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I can totally relate. My son was sucked into a burgulary as a lookout but ended up doing 18 months to the other kids 7 months. Those kids stole guns tried to sell them and threatened anothr kid with one of them but my difficult child was the one who got the stiffest sentence because he was a kid known to the police due to a history of petty stuff, not too bright and socially inept.
    I consider him lucky that the FBI didn't get in on it and charge him with gun trafficing. According to the attorney that was a real possibility.

    I hope you can convince your difficult child to go to the police but if not, you have done all you can do. The unfortunate fact is that immature or not, he is an adult and he will reap adult consequences for his choices. I will pray that he makes the right choice soon enough for it to make a difference.

    I hope you can get some rest tonight and all future nights. It is so hard on us moms of difficult child's in trouble. I spent many a night hanging on the board hoping for and reading responses to my posts. We are here for you if you find yourself in this same position.
  7. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Tracy, so sorry. It looks like he may be in some serious trouble. Has he been arrested before? Does he have a record? If this is a first offense, he may get off with just a fine and probation. Hopefully he will wake up tomorrow sober, and be ready to do something. Let work know that if he calls, you have to go. As soon as he says yes, ask where he is, and go immediately. That way he has no time to think about it. You may want to arrange with the police to meet you if you think he might get violent.
  8. ShyChelle

    ShyChelle New Member

    Any news yet? Still thinking about ya!
  9. Im a Believer

    Im a Believer New Member

    Tracy ~ I hope you are feeling better ~ Please know I care and pray for you to somehow find peace in the storm ~ (((hugs)))
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Lordy I hope things are going better and he has decided to turn himself in. Let us know.
  11. missy44

    missy44 New Member

    I'm sorry you're going through this, I can't imagine how hard it must be.

    I don't have any advice, just hugs and hope....
  12. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Tracy -- I'm keeping you and your son in my thoughts and prayers. I hope he turns himself in soon.
  13. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I'm so very sorry.
    I believe you said his "real" friends are aware of the situation. This is a good thing.
    Your son has had some treatment, but it didn't "stick." I'm concerned that he continues to make the choices that he is making.
    If you speak to your son, I would encourage him to go to the police. If you have an opportunity to speak with an attorney or judge, you might mention your concern that he is developmentally delayed.
    These are small things you might do...but you can't control him or the situation he is in.
    Based on the title of your post, you are going through anxiety related to his behavior.
    By working through that...taking actions should they be can feel better.
    So, my concern is more for you. Do you have someone in "real" life that can help you get through this?
    What things (even if they are small things), might help you to feel better at this time?
    You might want to google
    Lasted edited by : Apr 23, 2009
  14. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Tracy -

    I would ask the officers to put INTO WRITING that the first one that turns themselves in gets a pass......because WE DID THE SAME THING WITH DUDE....and when it came down to court? The cop was NO WHERE to be found.....did NOT back up what he told us, lied out his teeth.....and Dude stood ALONE for the charges.

    OUr public defender gave me advice that I will pass on to you. He said that NO police officer has the ability to offer a lesser sentence, or give anyone that comes forward first immunity. It just means they HAVE someone to pin the crime on. All the crud about talking to the police and writing a statement too? Nope....ask for an attorney and don't say a WORD. Tell him to keep his mouth shut.

    IF you worry that that's the advice from a frustrated Mom - I had an appointment. with a high dollar criminal lawyer who gave me the EXACT same advice. Lawyer up, keep your mouth shut. Anything the police promise? Get it in writing BEFORE you turn yourself in, and make sure it's authorized by the cops Captain or higher up.

    Been where you are - it's not much fun.....

    Would HIGHLY recommend YOU calling a doctor and getting some type of nerve medicine to deal with what is going to be coming at you. I didn't and had a stroke....literally. I didn't go to court either - it was too much.

    HUGEST HUGS I CAN MUSTER - take care of you - so that you CAN take care of your son.
  15. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Star said it. How sad so many of us have learned that "the system" is not fair and square. I'm saying a prayer for you and your son. If he is into heavy drugs I would imagine he would be more determined to stay out and know he can get access. Geez, I'm sorry.

    Hugs. DDD
  16. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    I too agree with Star. Have them put it in writing. I understand your worry also. My son is not living with us and has no phone - when I go for days without hearing from him I worry the same as you do. He is 25 and his choices have made it so he cannot live at home. It is horrible. I know you will hear from him soon. Maybe he is rethinking it now. Hang in.
  17. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    So sorry to hear about this. I agree with Star. Until my difficult child had his run-in with police I thought they were the best. I know they do a tough, tough job ... but in my son's case they lied to him, to me, in the written complaint; they did things illegally and then just lied about the timeline; illegally searched and got away with it. I wouldn't trust anything a police officer says now, and I wouldn't talk to one. I would get a lawyer and let him/her do the talking.

    I hope you've heard something more - thinking of you and sending warm thoughts.
  18. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Tracy -

    CHECK IN - I'm worried about you!!!!!

    THis is a VERY STRESSFUL time - we're here to hear.