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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 58315" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Some suggestions:</p><p></p><p>1) Decide. Do you want the door to be left open for him? Or do you want him gone, completely, so he can never bother you or your kids? Never ever.</p><p></p><p>If you want the door left open, then ignore anything else I'm putting here. But be sure, before you read on.</p><p></p><p>2) You now have two things to do. First, find out where you stand legally, in terms of getting a protection order for you and your children. Second, send him either a letter or an email, saying the following:</p><p>"This is to inform you that I do not want you to communicate with me or any member of my family, by any means, ever again. If you do so I will commence legal proceedings." make sure you mark the email with notification back to you. Keep this proof of receipt in your archives.</p><p>You can add your reasons, along the lines of the damage he has done to you and the distress it causes you when he makes contact even indirectly, but that's your choice. Personally, I wouldn't bother telling him; just the judge.</p><p></p><p>The last step is to set your email to automatically "bounce" anything coming in from him, with a message saying, "This is an automated reply. You have breached my firm request and I now will use this breach to commence the legal proceedings I said I would, in the event of your attempt to contact me or any member of my family."</p><p>Make sure a copy of his email(s) go into your email archive - do not delete them. Even if you choose to NOT take action, you need the chain of evidence.</p><p></p><p>This is what I had to do, when I had a neighbour bothering me (online stalking). </p><p>I had no immediate grounds for taking out a protection order, UNTIL I had sent him a letter asking him to not contact me by any means. I made sure I kept a copy of that letter as well as a copy of his having received that letter (in my case, I notified him via certified mail). I also had copies of other correspondence from my creep, as well as things he had written about me to others, to use if I needed to. I had also attempted mediation which he refused - this was also in my armoury. In your case, I think you're way past mediation.</p><p></p><p>The reason I suggest this, is to help you take control back. You need to f eel in power again and for me, this worked. No longer did I feel I was on the run.</p><p></p><p>Whatever you choose to do, do not let anybody take your power away from you. At 13 you could not be legally capable of making choices for yourself. Your father did the wrong thing. But you were already too vulnerable and abused. And he compounded that abuse.</p><p></p><p>You have grown and moved on. Take control back. At the very least, it should stop him talking about or even thinking about moving into your neighbourhood.</p><p></p><p>He sounds like he wants to control you again, by whatever means he can. Don't let him - show him you're the one in control.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 58315, member: 1991"] Some suggestions: 1) Decide. Do you want the door to be left open for him? Or do you want him gone, completely, so he can never bother you or your kids? Never ever. If you want the door left open, then ignore anything else I'm putting here. But be sure, before you read on. 2) You now have two things to do. First, find out where you stand legally, in terms of getting a protection order for you and your children. Second, send him either a letter or an email, saying the following: "This is to inform you that I do not want you to communicate with me or any member of my family, by any means, ever again. If you do so I will commence legal proceedings." make sure you mark the email with notification back to you. Keep this proof of receipt in your archives. You can add your reasons, along the lines of the damage he has done to you and the distress it causes you when he makes contact even indirectly, but that's your choice. Personally, I wouldn't bother telling him; just the judge. The last step is to set your email to automatically "bounce" anything coming in from him, with a message saying, "This is an automated reply. You have breached my firm request and I now will use this breach to commence the legal proceedings I said I would, in the event of your attempt to contact me or any member of my family." Make sure a copy of his email(s) go into your email archive - do not delete them. Even if you choose to NOT take action, you need the chain of evidence. This is what I had to do, when I had a neighbour bothering me (online stalking). I had no immediate grounds for taking out a protection order, UNTIL I had sent him a letter asking him to not contact me by any means. I made sure I kept a copy of that letter as well as a copy of his having received that letter (in my case, I notified him via certified mail). I also had copies of other correspondence from my creep, as well as things he had written about me to others, to use if I needed to. I had also attempted mediation which he refused - this was also in my armoury. In your case, I think you're way past mediation. The reason I suggest this, is to help you take control back. You need to f eel in power again and for me, this worked. No longer did I feel I was on the run. Whatever you choose to do, do not let anybody take your power away from you. At 13 you could not be legally capable of making choices for yourself. Your father did the wrong thing. But you were already too vulnerable and abused. And he compounded that abuse. You have grown and moved on. Take control back. At the very least, it should stop him talking about or even thinking about moving into your neighbourhood. He sounds like he wants to control you again, by whatever means he can. Don't let him - show him you're the one in control. Marg [/QUOTE]
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