Someone tell me what to do...world fell apart tonight
- Thread starter DammitJanet
- Start date
DJ...
I can't post the specific details on-forum, let me know if you want more than this... this is from personal experience.
This is a TOTALLY different situation, but... something to think about.
When land is re-zoned or development rules change, there is often a huge battle. And usually, the developer wins.
The people who lose the least, are the ones who, in addition to making their displeasure known (they NEVER agree with this development), recognize that it is going to happen anyway... and start fighting, early, for the things that make the situation "survivable". In property terms, that means upgrades to the development, more add-ons thrown in for the community, and so on... so that at least if they want to sell out, the new development doesn't kill them on property values.
While there is NO way this is fair, and NO way that it should have to go this way...
Maybe you need to start a list, and start fighting for the things YOU need to survive... and you need them NOW. Before Buck arrives, or as part of his move-in.
Like - him and Tony having to clean out that other room to your approval level.
Maybe a mini-fridge in your room.
Definitely a curfew - times when botherboy has to be invisible...
Kitchen rules (allowed to scrub the floor, do the dishes... but NOT allowed to cook, not allowed to touch anything in the fridge.
Or maybe, the "section off the house" idea...
These are just dumb ideas to get you thinking...
Something, anything... fight for what it takes for YOU to survive.
Make it as extreme as you need to... but you are still "allowing" Tony to let Buck come... on YOUR terms.
If you need two weeks to put it together (i.e. for Tony to put it together...) then Buck needs to go to a shelter or wherever else, until things are ready.
Just another item from the "stupid idea" bin.
I can't post the specific details on-forum, let me know if you want more than this... this is from personal experience.
This is a TOTALLY different situation, but... something to think about.
When land is re-zoned or development rules change, there is often a huge battle. And usually, the developer wins.
The people who lose the least, are the ones who, in addition to making their displeasure known (they NEVER agree with this development), recognize that it is going to happen anyway... and start fighting, early, for the things that make the situation "survivable". In property terms, that means upgrades to the development, more add-ons thrown in for the community, and so on... so that at least if they want to sell out, the new development doesn't kill them on property values.
While there is NO way this is fair, and NO way that it should have to go this way...
Maybe you need to start a list, and start fighting for the things YOU need to survive... and you need them NOW. Before Buck arrives, or as part of his move-in.
Like - him and Tony having to clean out that other room to your approval level.
Maybe a mini-fridge in your room.
Definitely a curfew - times when botherboy has to be invisible...
Kitchen rules (allowed to scrub the floor, do the dishes... but NOT allowed to cook, not allowed to touch anything in the fridge.
Or maybe, the "section off the house" idea...
These are just dumb ideas to get you thinking...
Something, anything... fight for what it takes for YOU to survive.
Make it as extreme as you need to... but you are still "allowing" Tony to let Buck come... on YOUR terms.
If you need two weeks to put it together (i.e. for Tony to put it together...) then Buck needs to go to a shelter or wherever else, until things are ready.
Just another item from the "stupid idea" bin.
FlowerGarden
Active Member
I am sorry you are going through all of this. We had my alcoholic brother in law living with us when we first got married. It was not planned but he lost his job a couple of months before the wedding. It was horrible. I had it the opposite way, he would stay in his room with the door closed. I would never know if he was home or not. He slept all the time, too, and would not hear me knock. I could not do what I wanted to do in my own home. Felt uncomfortable wearing certain clothing if he was around, etc.
Many times I came home from work for lunch and would find that he ate what I planned to have. I wound up having to have toast at times. At night, after we went to bed, he would make himself dinner. He would be banging the pots and pans around and setting off the smoke detector at times. Some nights I couldn't sleep and would get up to get a drink and to watch some tv. I couldn't because I would find he had fallen asleep on the couch watching tv. This went on for 2 months.
Luckily, husband was on my side and told him it was rehab or move out. He moved out. He kept trying to sneak back but husband stood his ground. Eventually, he did go to rehab. Working with the rehab, we agreed to allow him to come to dinner one night a week and worked up to letting him stay with us on the weekend. I still felt I couldn't do what I wanted to in my own home but did it for a year. Then I told husband we had to stop. He needed to move on to the next step.
My story has a happy ending because he has not touched alcohol for 26 1/2 years, has gotten better and better jobs, and got married late in life.
Unfortunately, I have no advice. Just hugs and understanding. I told you this story to show how I know what you mean about having him there....how much it bothers you. I know your pain. I wish you well with figuring this out with Tony.
Many times I came home from work for lunch and would find that he ate what I planned to have. I wound up having to have toast at times. At night, after we went to bed, he would make himself dinner. He would be banging the pots and pans around and setting off the smoke detector at times. Some nights I couldn't sleep and would get up to get a drink and to watch some tv. I couldn't because I would find he had fallen asleep on the couch watching tv. This went on for 2 months.
Luckily, husband was on my side and told him it was rehab or move out. He moved out. He kept trying to sneak back but husband stood his ground. Eventually, he did go to rehab. Working with the rehab, we agreed to allow him to come to dinner one night a week and worked up to letting him stay with us on the weekend. I still felt I couldn't do what I wanted to in my own home but did it for a year. Then I told husband we had to stop. He needed to move on to the next step.
My story has a happy ending because he has not touched alcohol for 26 1/2 years, has gotten better and better jobs, and got married late in life.
Unfortunately, I have no advice. Just hugs and understanding. I told you this story to show how I know what you mean about having him there....how much it bothers you. I know your pain. I wish you well with figuring this out with Tony.
muttmeister
Well-Known Member
But he does not feel the need to help you because you are his wife?
It's time for him to decide where his priorities lie. I understand you are between a rock and a hard place but if you feel that strongly, if the rock won't move and the hard place won't move, you may have to.
LittleDudesMom
Well-Known Member
Janet, I'm so sorry to hear this latest in the Buck saga.
I have no words or suggestions that haven't already been said. Hugs.
Sharon
I have no words or suggestions that haven't already been said. Hugs.
Sharon
