Both have issues with lack of remorse at times, especially Oldest. Excuses for their actions and crying about why something is not her fault is a pretty common tactic. But the following scenario (or something similar to it) has played itself out so often and I just dont get it. Maybe I never will, but I wanted to throw it out here to commisserate with others anyway. Scenario: One of my difficult children does something that directly affects ME and causes ME to suffer in some way. I get angry, and tell them I am angry. But their reaction is not to apologize and try to make up for it or fix it, instead, their reaction is to get angry at ME for being angry at THEM. Somehow I end up the bad guy. This morning, I get into the shower, get my hair wet, and reach for my shampoo. Its gone. $!^*@*)^*( Youngest has taken it into her bathroom because for the umpteenth time, shes run out of her own and hasnt bothered to go to the store to get any. I cannot tell you how many times this has happened, with various things of hers shampoo, conditioner, makeup, my phone charger she either left her own somewhere or has run out, so she just comes into my room or bathroom and helps herself to mine, usually taking it with her and leaving it elsewhere. I go to use it, and have to hunt it down. Its not even the borrowing I mind so much as her not putting it BACK. It is so freakin thoughtless it makes me crazy. So here I am, dripping wet, and I have to get out of the shower, wrap myself in a towel, and walk to the other bathroom to get my shampoo. I was furious, and I was letting her know as much verbally. She wasnt up yet, nor were the kids.. but it was time for them to be up anyway. I slammed my bedroom door I was so ticked off, because this was a bit of a last straw with some other stuff thats been going on lately. (yeah yeah I know, I threw my own temper tantrum.. but Im entitled occasionally, right?!) So, I get ready, go downstairs, and shes not talking to me. She wont answer me when I ask her questions. Really?! Finally she tells me she cant believe I was yelling this morning, and slammed the door and woke up the kids. She is furious about it. She says nothing about the shampoo, refuses to even acknowledge it or that she was wrong in taking it. Im the bad guy, again. It makes me feel as though Im not allowed to be angry, that my feelings dont matter, that she can do whatever she wants to and how dare I get mad at her about it. Im not necessarily looking for how to deal with it, because Im working on that (somethings got to give, they have to move out of my house. somehow. I cant stand it much longer. I feel like Im living with a teenager all over again.) But Im finding myself wondering about the thought process behind such actions. Do they deflect the anger because they cant admit they were wrong, at any cost? Do they not think they are wrong? Is their self-esteem so low that when someone tells them how they screwed up, they get defensive and angry? Or are they just selfish ******* who really dont care what others think and think they can do what they want, a sense of entitlement? Combination of all of the above depending on the day, their mood, and circumstances? It just makes me CRAZY. (ha). She's 23 freakin years old, not 14. And I may have to lock up my shampoo tonight.