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Something irritating advice please.
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<blockquote data-quote="Kalahou" data-source="post: 703543" data-attributes="member: 19617"><p>A dad,</p><p>I agree with the comments / advice from the others above. I commend your son for his independence and his accomplishments in his life, per his own initiative and desires in his own heart and mind. Very often we see more potential for our children and wish they would achieve more. Many on this forum (including myself) have expressed how they realized a need to accept and surrender to the truth that their difficult child would likely never rise to the excelling potential we as parents had hoped for. You understand this, but your wife has not yet reached this point.</p><p></p><p>I can see that it is very important to you to go see your son. It is probably important to him also, although he may not be showing it so much.</p><p></p><p>Can you explain to your wife that you are proud of your son and miss him and want to show him your love and support by visiting him? You can tell your wife you do understand how she feels, but presently are not as concerned for his future as you are for showing your love and support to him, You believe he is showing a good motivation and start, and it is important to you that you support and commend your son’s efforts. </p><p></p><p>I don’t know your family dynamics, but if your wife cannot accompany you to visit your son without critical judgement, would your wife understand and accept for you (alone, without her) to visit your son by yourself for a few days? I personally don’t think this would be undermining her decision to not go herself. While it is important for you and your wife to stick together on many things, perhaps you can lovingly explain that you understand and respect your wife’s position, but you feel a father needs to be a strong support for his son, that you want to be there for him, as your current show of acceptance and approval may indeed inspire him to greater potential in the long run. </p><p></p><p>If you can go visit your son for a few days early on, then you could return back home and have the nice holiday together with wife and oldest son. For myself, I would go by myself (without my spouse), if it was really important to me. There may not be another convenient time soon for you to see your son and show your support. It will mean a lot to him. But i understand and empathize with you re: the conflict with your wife. </p><p></p><p>Wishing you the best A dad. Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kalahou, post: 703543, member: 19617"] A dad, I agree with the comments / advice from the others above. I commend your son for his independence and his accomplishments in his life, per his own initiative and desires in his own heart and mind. Very often we see more potential for our children and wish they would achieve more. Many on this forum (including myself) have expressed how they realized a need to accept and surrender to the truth that their difficult child would likely never rise to the excelling potential we as parents had hoped for. You understand this, but your wife has not yet reached this point. I can see that it is very important to you to go see your son. It is probably important to him also, although he may not be showing it so much. Can you explain to your wife that you are proud of your son and miss him and want to show him your love and support by visiting him? You can tell your wife you do understand how she feels, but presently are not as concerned for his future as you are for showing your love and support to him, You believe he is showing a good motivation and start, and it is important to you that you support and commend your son’s efforts. I don’t know your family dynamics, but if your wife cannot accompany you to visit your son without critical judgement, would your wife understand and accept for you (alone, without her) to visit your son by yourself for a few days? I personally don’t think this would be undermining her decision to not go herself. While it is important for you and your wife to stick together on many things, perhaps you can lovingly explain that you understand and respect your wife’s position, but you feel a father needs to be a strong support for his son, that you want to be there for him, as your current show of acceptance and approval may indeed inspire him to greater potential in the long run. If you can go visit your son for a few days early on, then you could return back home and have the nice holiday together with wife and oldest son. For myself, I would go by myself (without my spouse), if it was really important to me. There may not be another convenient time soon for you to see your son and show your support. It will mean a lot to him. But i understand and empathize with you re: the conflict with your wife. Wishing you the best A dad. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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