Something is happening

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Malika, Feb 8, 2013.

  1. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Well, you never know what's around the corner. When I picked J up for lunch today, the teacher asked me if I would give my permission for a special teaching professional to come into the school to observe J in class and make recommendations about ways in which he can be helped to learn successfully.... don't know where this sudden proposal to take things seriously and get interventions has come from (my paranoid side things it might be because of J's big outburst on Friday...) but at any rate it is good news.

    Other "go figure" news... The teacher said that J has been astonishingly good and hard-working all week in class and outside (which J did tell me). So what is that all about?? I asked him and he just said he had decided to try... But if he CAN be like that if he chooses then that means....??
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Maybe trying is being reinforced better, J wouldn't really understand that's what was going on.

    And the teacher may be realizing that trying or not, J may need more support? Im glad. I hope this person takes time to talk to you too.

    Is the care program at the school? I pictured them in separate places.
  3. whatamess

    whatamess New Member

    What it means is he's going to try, that doesn't mean when he fails he isn't trying, it means he lacks skills (or support) to do better.
  4. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Not quite sure what you mean by the care program, buddy - he has after-school care at the school every day and on Wednesdays (when there is no school) he goes to a play centre in the neighbouring village.

    I really hope the teacher is supporting him better. Through my nice physiotherapist (typing so much for my work I get strained muscles), I have made contact with a retired teacher who used to help children with learning difficulties who is going to give Jacob extra reading help once a fortnight. So I hope these things will help.
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I think I'm confused about where the standing in the corner place was. I pictured school and a separate care /play brain scrambled.

    So, the after school care is at the school? And that's where the problem was? (We have care places that pick kids up etc.)
  6. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Yes, it is confusing :) It would be wicked of me to say that all places in France are standing in corner places... lol. Anyway, the standing in the corner place was at the after-care after school on Friday and then we had a big bust up at the play centre on the following Wednesday when I wanted him to go to karate and he wanted to stay and play with his friend.

    J said to me at lunch time "You don't punish me!" I said that's right, and what did he think about that? He said he thought it was good because punishing him doesn't make him better. He does understand, really :)
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    The trying hard means that with the right incentives, he has an excellent chance of being very successful, but it will take a lot of work. Not succeeding at times means there is something going on hat needs to be worked out. I learned early that when Wiz had big problems, he was getting sick and in two days would need a doctor. Why two days? because it took that long for symptoms to be vsible tot he doctor, though I could often tell right away. My sense of smell is super sensitive, and I could smell that he was sick, but for years no doctor would believe me. then I took him in when I smelled the problem and 2 days later for about six things in a row and the doctor finally clued in and woudl treat when I first brought him in. Once medical issues are ruled out, hten you look at what else has changed in him and in school.

    But it is a good sign that he can try and get good results.
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    It is really great news that t he school is finally getting J some help!!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! :)

    As far as "trying" goes, most children don't have to try to keep in anger or conform. They just do it. I think J. is telling you that he is trying to do what the other kids do, but it is probably hard for him and that means he can fail at it from the stress of holding in all his energy. Thus the up and down roller coaster of our children. They don't want to be "bad" (most of the young ones anyway), but some of them plain can't help it when the pressure inside is too much. Good for him for giving it a strong effort!
    With age and time and help, he can probably do very well!
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Yaaaay! VERY good!

    Had to chuckle at your comment that all places in France are standing-in-corner-places. :)

    I hope that this outburst was a good thing. It seems to be that way. Seems like at least one teacher is on board now.
  10. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Duckie used to get wound up pretty tightly, growing more and more difficult until a meltdown would happen. Then, the clouds would clear and she'd miraculously do better for a period of time. Until the cycle began again.....
  11. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Yeah, honestly I could not tell you what is going on... This week, in all seriousness, J has been the worst and the best I have EVER seen him. So Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde seem concurrent rather than consecutive :)

    I do wonder... J is hardly ever ill, never seems to want to take to his bed, but this week he has had a running nose and seems a little hot... could this explain things, at least partly?
  12. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

  13. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I agree.
  14. buddy

    buddy New Member

    me too. seems to be worse than when he is full blown sick, which is rare.
  15. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Actually, I was thinking more that it was the sub-illness that was making him so remarkably GOOD. I remember an assistant at a nursery he went to when he was two (and just as hyperactive, of course) saying to me that when he was tired he became calm and he was so much easier to deal with...

    Tonight he was like this Little Lord Fauntleroy... please and thank you, listening to me TOTALLY, enthusing and effusive with gratitude because I bought him a fountain pen, the most model of model children.

    Well, if nothing else, life if not boring with these children, I guess :)
  16. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    I would see it this way: he knows what is socially appropriate and use the skills when he can. It is in him and that is HUGE. As he mature and gains more control of his ADHD, he will likely be able to use those skills more often and even when it is challenging to him. Maybe the "not feeling well" part drains some of that extra energy?
    You obvioulsy don't want him to be tired or sick all the time, but your angle/analysis sure has something to teach. What can be done to use up some of the extra energy. I know you have him in lots of sports, but it is still just a few hours a week. Some stuff you can include in his daily routine. A tread mill, apartment bicycle are things that poped in my mind. I don't know if it would work or even doable... Jogging before going to school? Aerobic routine?
    What is J's take on his own behavior? Can he explain it himself why some days he can be so cooperative and some others things are challenging? I always find it very helpful to ask V what he thinks and where is coming from in his actions. I have to fently push him past "I don't know" but usually I can extract some useful info.
    As far as the school: don't release the pressure! Your effort will eventually pay off. It is a slow process but one you have started early, time is on your side, I believe.
  17. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Ktllc. I really hope this charming and gracious side of his personality will blossom as he gets older... I can do my bit to help that, of course.
    I don't know about the tiring him out thing. I would have thought that was possible, like you, but I have read about ADHD that the energy never diminishes, the child does not get tired in the sense of becoming slower and calmer (though they may actually be very tired) but just keep going, as if on batteries that do not die... I do kind of see this with J.
    He is definitely under the weather - has a bad cold, in fact, even though he is not talking about it or wanting to be looked after. So there is the mystery solved... that is why he has been so "good" all this week at school.