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Parent Emeritus
Sometimes I feel like I have abandoned her :(
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 697087" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Hi dakini, I'm so sorry for your struggles. I completely understand your feeling of abandoning your daughter, I have felt that too. However, the truth is that your daughter CHOSE to live as she is. Your choice to not enable that choice is so difficult to do, but it is the choice we are often left with, and in my opinion and in my experience, it is the correct choice. It being the correct choice does not mean it feels good. In fact, it feels bad. It goes against what we as parents want to do to help our kids.</p><p></p><p>Your thinking about abandonment is just that, your thoughts, how you are perceiving the situation, it doesn't mean it is real or true. It seems to be a natural response we have as parents, because we are supposed to take care of our kids........however, they are adults who can make choices as to how they want to live, we don't get to vote on that choice and we do not have to support that choice.</p><p></p><p>I have an adult daughter who has been homeless, in jail, hanging with people who have not had her best interests at heart......and I too have had to detach from those choices and stop enabling her. It's extremely difficult, as you said, "I have never hurt so deeply in my life".........me too.</p><p></p><p>Take care of you now. Get out your tool box and do the things that nurture you......sending you hugs......you're not alone......</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 697087, member: 13542"] Hi dakini, I'm so sorry for your struggles. I completely understand your feeling of abandoning your daughter, I have felt that too. However, the truth is that your daughter CHOSE to live as she is. Your choice to not enable that choice is so difficult to do, but it is the choice we are often left with, and in my opinion and in my experience, it is the correct choice. It being the correct choice does not mean it feels good. In fact, it feels bad. It goes against what we as parents want to do to help our kids. Your thinking about abandonment is just that, your thoughts, how you are perceiving the situation, it doesn't mean it is real or true. It seems to be a natural response we have as parents, because we are supposed to take care of our kids........however, they are adults who can make choices as to how they want to live, we don't get to vote on that choice and we do not have to support that choice. I have an adult daughter who has been homeless, in jail, hanging with people who have not had her best interests at heart......and I too have had to detach from those choices and stop enabling her. It's extremely difficult, as you said, "I have never hurt so deeply in my life".........me too. Take care of you now. Get out your tool box and do the things that nurture you......sending you hugs......you're not alone...... [/QUOTE]
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Sometimes I feel like I have abandoned her :(
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