Sometimes the smallest things seem like a big deal...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by witzend, Aug 2, 2013.

  1. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    and it's not always bad.

    I called M yesterday. Just to talk to him. He's bouncing around emotionally and thinking he is going to get a job moving cars from cargo containers to port. Sounds good. There was lots of dismay about his paternal grandmother, who is clearly losing it at this point in her life. She's the cat-hoarder, but apparently there's some diagnosis of schizophrenia at this point? It's hard to know being that she's 78 and deaf, who knows what she's suffering from at this point. In any case, she's been contacting the police and saying that M and his girlfriend have been stealing stuff. It might be of concern, except that she's complaining that they have stolen her water heater and replaced it with an old one, stolen her furnace and replaced it with a broken one, so on and so forth. I told him not to bother worrying, everyone knows that she is ill and there's no reason to try to figure it out. I think it went over his head.

    In any case, I didn't ask about my family or about L, and he didn't offer. He is still very difficult to talk to. Everything is a drama and illogical but he seems functional at his own level. I was proud that I made the effort without it being a big drama on my part. So, it seems like a small thing, but it seems like a big thing, too.
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    That little bit helps, even if it's not obvious. You go girl!
  3. That's great Witz!!! A good conversation even if there was some drama on M's part. I don't know the whole story with M but I do know how it feels to have a good conversation for a change (ie. one that doesn't deteriorate and go south on you!)

    *I'm happy for you.
  4. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    Witz, this is huge. Those first, smallest steps, those first times we do something we have always done, but come at it from a different place, take such courage. In order to do what you've done, you have to have made such progress along the path you have chosen to walk, now.

    I'm so proud and happy for you, Witz.

    It isn't about M's reaction or response. This one is all about you, and how you are growing and choosing to empower yourself to perceive the situation in a changed and healthier way.

    I couldn't be happier for you, Witz.


  5. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good job! Each small step adds up to big change. I'm happy for you.......

    As I was reading your post, I looked up and on my desk at work I have a sticker right there in my view which says, "Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions." That is my mantra and as you see, it works!
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    It IS a big thing.
  7. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    I'm so glad you got to have a normal conversation on his level. That is huge, you must feel so good.
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Baby steps are wonderful. Way To Go! DDD
  9. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    Good for you, it's a process I am still working on! I have a very close senior family member that I let stress me out. I love this person and I realize we are opposites in many ways and that will never change. But, this person likes the drama too and I do not. She also complains too much!

    I have to learn to let it all roll of my back and not feel I have to fix everything she complains about!

    Looks like you are doing that very well!
  10. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    Wanted you to know I was thinking about you, Witz.

    However things are going? It will get better. The more you work to free yourself, the more of "you" there will be.

    This is from The Power of Now:

    "The pain body may seem to you like a dangerous monster that you cannot bear to look at, but I assure you that it is an insubstantial phantom that cannot prevail against the power of your presence."

    Eckhardt Tolle
    The Power of Now
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Witz, I am proud of you too. Sorry I didnt get around to this post until now but things have been a bit hectic in my life.

    I realize how hard it is for you to do what you did. I have people in my life that I could never make that call because I waited too long and now I feel left out and somewhat embarrassed about myself.

    I love some of the quotes that RE and Scent of Cedar always post. I keep meaning to get me a sharpie and write them on my walls. Maybe a better idea would be to get one of those dry erase I can just imagine what someone would think if they came in to get me on a stretcher and saw ramblings on the wall!!!! I might end up in the wrong part of the
  12. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    I have a quote box, Skotti. Whenever I read something meaningful to me, I write it on an index card. When I am confused, or hurt, I sift through those things that mattered enough for me to write them down. Sure enough, there will be something there, something relevant to me.

    If whatever it is really resonates? I make another card, and tape it to the fridge.

    Or, carry it in my purse.