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Parent Emeritus
Son, 30, has been in jail over a month
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 664328" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I have to go to work (yes, on Sunday) but I'll give you a quickee suggestion. I am sorry you've been on this roller coaster for ten years. Time to get off and take care of YOU and your other loved ones w ho are pushed out of your space because our Difficult Child tends to take up all of us and that's not right, in my opinion.</p><p></p><p>Don't answer his calls, except for one call once a week for five minutes. He can write to you. It is too emotionally draining for you to hear him begging and lying all t he time. Whether you talk to him a lot, give him money, or take better care of yourself and those who honor and respect you, he is not going to change. You tried this. If he ever does change, it will be of his own free will with no family influence. In fact, I believe the more we help them out (which isn't REALLY helping them out), the more they think "So if I get into trouble, Mom's th ere to get me out of the mess." </p><p></p><p>As long as he lives and cohorts with criminal types he can have bad things happen to him and giving him money, which could be used for drugs even in jail, he is in danger and that's hard to live with. But you can't change him. You can only change yourself and your reaction to his behavior. </p><p></p><p>If you decide on this option expect him to rant, yell, tell you how you are the wost parent/person on the face on the earth and I would't listen to that either. I'd warn him that any abuse of you will result in an end of your call and that you will not read any abusive letters. You'll be glad to discuss things calmly for a short while, but no abuse. And this isn't YOUR fault and you don't want to hear the lie that it is.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and I know others will come along with options as well.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 664328, member: 1550"] I have to go to work (yes, on Sunday) but I'll give you a quickee suggestion. I am sorry you've been on this roller coaster for ten years. Time to get off and take care of YOU and your other loved ones w ho are pushed out of your space because our Difficult Child tends to take up all of us and that's not right, in my opinion. Don't answer his calls, except for one call once a week for five minutes. He can write to you. It is too emotionally draining for you to hear him begging and lying all t he time. Whether you talk to him a lot, give him money, or take better care of yourself and those who honor and respect you, he is not going to change. You tried this. If he ever does change, it will be of his own free will with no family influence. In fact, I believe the more we help them out (which isn't REALLY helping them out), the more they think "So if I get into trouble, Mom's th ere to get me out of the mess." As long as he lives and cohorts with criminal types he can have bad things happen to him and giving him money, which could be used for drugs even in jail, he is in danger and that's hard to live with. But you can't change him. You can only change yourself and your reaction to his behavior. If you decide on this option expect him to rant, yell, tell you how you are the wost parent/person on the face on the earth and I would't listen to that either. I'd warn him that any abuse of you will result in an end of your call and that you will not read any abusive letters. You'll be glad to discuss things calmly for a short while, but no abuse. And this isn't YOUR fault and you don't want to hear the lie that it is. Hugs and I know others will come along with options as well. [/QUOTE]
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Son, 30, has been in jail over a month
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