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Substance Abuse
Son finally moved out
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<blockquote data-quote="ColleenB" data-source="post: 694241" data-attributes="member: 19887"><p>We are back from vacation and all seems fairly quiet on the home front. My mom is having a good visit but hadn't seen older son very often. He only came by to see her a few times. Younger son did fine, going to work and being helpful around the house. For that I am thankful.</p><p></p><p>Older son showed up yesterday while I was out shopping, but he was sleeping. This was around 4pm. He had been at a music fest the night before I guess. He didn't get up until almost ten, as I was heading to bed. I gave him a few gifts from our trip And he seemed ok, tired.</p><p></p><p>I went to bed soon after as I am still jet lagged. Didn't really talk to him much, probably for the best.</p><p></p><p>My mom said he told her he plans on going back to work as a teachers assistant like he was before. She told him he would need to clean up his appearance. It's good that he will listen to her and my get defensive. He knows this. When he worked before he was clean and sober. It was the best six months of the previous four years... The most hopeful for sure. He told me once he actually felt good about himself then.</p><p></p><p>I haven't pushed it with him at all when he brings it up because I know my interference is a huge trigger for him. I'm trying so hard.</p><p></p><p>Last night my husband said their was a message on our home phone about a work abroad program with Australia. Not sure what that is about but sounds like he is trying to figure things out.</p><p></p><p>Why does it still hurt my heart so much to see him? I still think about him constantly, and play the what if game all the time.... Sigh.... I feel like I will never feel free. I spend so much energy worrying about his future, and obsessing about his past. Even away in the Mediterranean I had a wonderful time, but thought of him daily. I would see other young people his age travelling and it would hurt my heart. He loves to travel and he should be doing that right now! He is young and so so smart. His friends are all doing that, and starting to be grown ups... But he is still going to music festivals and sleeping all day.....I know this is kind of normal too... But he has no balance. Life is all a party.</p><p></p><p>My heart hurts now that I am home again and I'm trying to not ask him those touchy questions... It doesn't help.</p><p></p><p>I told my mom about him dealing and me paying off the dealer. Probably shouldn't have, she is sad now about it. I just hate how this life makes us keep these big secrets.... I'm not one who does that normally. It's too hard.</p><p></p><p>So when I got up this morning my poor mum was crying saying she is do worried about him. I felt terrible that she now is so upset. She said after I went to bed he paced around and when she asked if he was staying the night he said he was, but was on the phone and then left. I told her not to read too much into it. He comes and goes regularly. We usually have no idea where he could be.</p><p></p><p>I wish I hadn't told her. I don't want her constantly asking or worrying now. </p><p></p><p>He has to figure it out.... Just hard to watch.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ColleenB, post: 694241, member: 19887"] We are back from vacation and all seems fairly quiet on the home front. My mom is having a good visit but hadn't seen older son very often. He only came by to see her a few times. Younger son did fine, going to work and being helpful around the house. For that I am thankful. Older son showed up yesterday while I was out shopping, but he was sleeping. This was around 4pm. He had been at a music fest the night before I guess. He didn't get up until almost ten, as I was heading to bed. I gave him a few gifts from our trip And he seemed ok, tired. I went to bed soon after as I am still jet lagged. Didn't really talk to him much, probably for the best. My mom said he told her he plans on going back to work as a teachers assistant like he was before. She told him he would need to clean up his appearance. It's good that he will listen to her and my get defensive. He knows this. When he worked before he was clean and sober. It was the best six months of the previous four years... The most hopeful for sure. He told me once he actually felt good about himself then. I haven't pushed it with him at all when he brings it up because I know my interference is a huge trigger for him. I'm trying so hard. Last night my husband said their was a message on our home phone about a work abroad program with Australia. Not sure what that is about but sounds like he is trying to figure things out. Why does it still hurt my heart so much to see him? I still think about him constantly, and play the what if game all the time.... Sigh.... I feel like I will never feel free. I spend so much energy worrying about his future, and obsessing about his past. Even away in the Mediterranean I had a wonderful time, but thought of him daily. I would see other young people his age travelling and it would hurt my heart. He loves to travel and he should be doing that right now! He is young and so so smart. His friends are all doing that, and starting to be grown ups... But he is still going to music festivals and sleeping all day.....I know this is kind of normal too... But he has no balance. Life is all a party. My heart hurts now that I am home again and I'm trying to not ask him those touchy questions... It doesn't help. I told my mom about him dealing and me paying off the dealer. Probably shouldn't have, she is sad now about it. I just hate how this life makes us keep these big secrets.... I'm not one who does that normally. It's too hard. So when I got up this morning my poor mum was crying saying she is do worried about him. I felt terrible that she now is so upset. She said after I went to bed he paced around and when she asked if he was staying the night he said he was, but was on the phone and then left. I told her not to read too much into it. He comes and goes regularly. We usually have no idea where he could be. I wish I hadn't told her. I don't want her constantly asking or worrying now. He has to figure it out.... Just hard to watch. [/QUOTE]
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