Son gets drunk makes scary threats

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by cher, Oct 18, 2012.

  1. cher

    cher New Member

    I just read this and it is so much with I am dealing with one son who when gets drunk is scary threats and very unpleasant he is 29 lives at home after spending 10 years in prison for stealing been out 2 years and is in jail again, last night he called and when I told him I am not bailing him out he got angry and hung up on me. then he tried calling back 7 times my only thought was I am so glad I am not dealing with this in person. He is saying I go to rehab blah blah blah all we asked from him is not to drink, He has been half a## looking for a job(ehich I know is hard cause he is a felon) does things around here but only on Fridays like he wants an allowance. I am so sick of his behavior threats etc. I am glad I found this place. I have been thinking today I can't make this up. He was diagnosis with add and bipolar but wont take medications I spend my money to take him to dr and it is a waste. He is living like he is 17 and getting drunk disorderly open containers etc. The last year there has been so many outburst/sorry circles going on. I just can not take anymore and to tell you the truth I am scared to death of him when he drinks. I just am fed up. then I feel guilty .
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Cher, welcome. I'm glad you found us. You're living in an environment many of us are all too familiar with. You might want to start your own thread, you've replied to an old thread and if you start your own, you will likely have more responses. You can either post here in substance abuse or in Parent Emeritus for older adult kids, or both. I encourage you to keep posting and when you can, put your info on the bottom of your post as you see on ours so we know more about you and can offer better assistance.

    That combination of ADHD, Bi-polar, alcohol and drugs seems to be a common combination our kids choose, to their detriment and everyone's suffering. I'm sorry you find yourself in this predicament, it's very difficult. You have a right to your life and to feeling safe in your own home. You can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do and you don't have to provide him a home if he doesn't abide by the rules and boundaries you set.

    I was a little confused, is he in jail now? Will he be staying in jail without you bailing him out? It may be a good idea to remain true to your stance on not bailing him out, perhaps jail is where he needs to be now. When he is released, you may want to look into restraining orders for his violent behavior and how you can evict him in your state (sometimes it requires legal action, court involvement) sometimes it's simply a notice. You are entitled to live your own life without having to take care of him or put up with his behavior. It's difficult but necessary to learn how to detach from him. It helps to find support in groups, 12 step groups, therapy, counseling, books, whatever you can do to help yourself to come to grips with how to deal with your son and to realize you have no power to change him, he has to make those choices, he has to want to change.

    For me, therapy worked and Codependents anonymous, for others it's al anon or other 12 step groups for families and/or drug abuse. NAMI (National Alliance on Mental illness) has lots of information and support groups for parents. Keep posting, it helps. I'm glad you found us...........(((HUGS)))
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I also have a 31 year old living at home though he doesnt have any substance abuse issues. I need to work on getting him out too. I have no clue how I ended up in this situation. He barely contributes financially to the home and doesnt contribute at all as far as physical help. I am so ready for him to just go. That is my next big project for the new year. He swears he is supposed to go sometime the beginning of the year because his girlfriends divorce will be final on 1/6 but I just dont see it happening.

    As far as all the side stuff going on about diagnosis's, dont let that get into your mind. We put out our mentally and physically disabled son several years ago and he is doing fine. Sometimes...most times...these kids do much better when they have to actually take care of themselves rather than be perpetual teens living with mom and dad. What self respecting young man really wants to live with mommy and daddy at 25 and 30? Exactly how to you cozy up to a woman and say "well we can sneak into my parents place after they go to sleep."
  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Cher, I asked to have your post and the responses moved to it's own thread since the original post is very old.

  5. cher

    cher New Member

    Nancy I am sorry I did start a thread I did not know I had to erase the one.
  6. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Cher, Nancy was just telling you that she asked another moderator to move your thread, you don't have to do anything, we're just trying to put you in the best place to get you the most responses. No worries. We're taking care of that stuff.
  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Cher, I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this. Your son is way too old to be living at home. He needs to be on his own and stop terrorizing you. Do you have any support to helpo you in dealing with this?

  8. cher

    cher New Member

    I found this place and am going to go and check out al anon. I do have my husband, my family is here but he has hurt them s much that they just want him gone, I as mom want to help. He called again from jail today but I turned my phone off I can not stand to not answer right now. Thanks Nancy
  9. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    {{{hugs}}} Cher