Son has asked to go to detox

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by ColleenB, May 27, 2017.

  1. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    You are so not alone. Remember that. Please. You have come such a long, long way. You are right there for your son. You have been all along. You have never deviated. You are very, very strong.
  2. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    Dropped him off. I didnt go in with him as he needs to do this himself. Came home and crawled into bed. I am exhausted.

    I know the next few days/weeks will be rough for him and it breaks my heart but I also feel a little tiny bit of hope that this is the beginning of a new journey for him. I know he could need this more than once, that relapse is common.... but the fact he is finally seeking treatment is huge.

    He confessed some scary stuff to me this am. And made me promise not to ever tell anybody, and to never remind him. It was like he was in confessional and I was his priest. I am still trying to process it all. One of his last comments was "I can't believe I come from a home like this and I ended up like this" He has a lot of shame. I told him we don't feel ashamed of him,and that we will never turn our backs on him.

    I did tell him he needs to be honest with us from now on if he hopes to find real recovery.

    I am going back to work tomorrow. I just spoke to my principal and he assured me to take my time, and if I have to work a 1/2 day here and there to take it. I'm so blessed to have good supports in my life.

    I don't know what is next. It's his journey and he needs to take control. I will try to be supportive and step back now. I am hoping my husband and I can heal some too. I called my counsellor to set up an appointment for me.

    Time to take a breath.......
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  3. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet


    I have been off the computer since Friday and just caught up today.

    So glad to hear of this breakthrough! I have to say I knew something was up with him because it sounded like my son's behaviors.

    I hate the "weed and drinking are okay" thing and I've heard it before too but don't worry about that right now.

    My son had to go to detox AGAIN and now is in sober living AGAIN. He was actually huffing when his girlfriend found him and brought him to detox. That image is horrible for me.

    Why do they do this to themselves??? The only explanation is their brain is SICK. That is it. If you can accept that then it helps make sense of it all. Addiction is a real illness.

    Please try to take one day at a time. That is what I am doing too. I wake up every night in a sweat worrying about our son. He had a great therapist and she left and now he has to get a new one today. UGH. Why did she have to leave right now. We had a FaceTime with him on Friday evening and he seems so lost and alone and then I found out about the therapist he connected with that left. I immediately texted his program director and he called me and assured me that son is not alone and there are a lot of people watching out for him and that his new therapist will be seamless blah blah blah. I told him my son seems helpless, he kept rubbing his forehead, which is something his therapist said he did. Had not seen that before. I know he is not helpless. Maybe it was me feeling helpless.

    This week he will get a new therapist and a sponsor and looking for a job. I'm very stressed out about it all. I know it doesn't help him or me.

    Colleen please try to take care of yourself in spite of all that is going on. This is a long and very hard road and you have to save your strength. I am glad that he finally admitted that there is a problem though. That's a start.

    Hugs and prayers for you guys.
  4. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet


    Have been thinking about you. How are things going now?
  5. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member


    He isn't allowed to contact us until the weekend. I'm back at work, holding on by my fingernails June is a tough month in schools.... teachers are tired, kids are wild!

    I am trying to keep from thinking about what he is going through. I am still feeling frustrated by how different we treat mental illness and addictions then we do physical illness. If my son was in hospital for a physical illness I would have support and doctors would keep us in the loop. I honestly think the way we approach addiction treatment, not involving family is one of the reasons we have such relapse issues. Addiction becomes a family disease and recovery depends on supports for the addict. The shame surrounding addiction and mental illness keeps us from all working in an open and healthy way.

    I know it is up to the addict to do the work, but family and friends do have a huge impact on success.

    I don't know what is to come... I can't predict. However I do hope I can move forward in a way that supports his recovery and doesn't contribute to the stigma and shame.
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  6. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis


    Well said and I agree. If it gives you hope our son is doing well, and I guarantee he wouldn't be without our support sandwich communication. I don't like how they treat addiction at times, our son saw a therapist that said she had to help him stop calling himself a drug addict. Time makes all the difference.

    People hide all kinds of things in shame, and if people don't support y o ur situation they are not friends. Even those who don't understand should have the grace and sympathy.

    Your not alone, keep yourself healthy, it's a long process for all involved. Can't just pop a pill and feel better, it's work and constant uphill, but you and his loved ones can walk with him.

  7. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet


    You know he is safe and that is a good thing. I hope your son embraces the help that he will receive now.

    I think in some ways it may be best initially if he has no contact with family. I say this because they really need to immerse themselves in their treatment and I think family can be a distraction. All family can do is offer love and support but HE has to do the hard work. You will have plenty of time to be involved when it's needed.

    I agree with you 100% about how addiction is treated. It is a terrible shame that we have to feel terrible shame. I am not even talking to some of my family members because of things in the family that have happened due to my son's addiction. They just don't get it and I refuse to babysit people emotionally that are a drain on my already depleted energy. I was there for them during spouse affairs and abusive relationships. But I guess this doesn't deserve the same compassion in their eyes.

    As my son's last therapist said, you have to TRUST the PROCESS. That is what I am doing this time and we have been down this road many times before. I am so emotionally exhausted from what my son is going through that some days I don't know how I function. I am so very thankful for my husband and I lean on him so much and he is my rock.

    My son is moving forward even though sometimes I don't even know where he gets the energy. We have all been through so much. Last Father's Day he overdosed on his girlfriend's mother's morphine. Her mother has since died. My son is in sober living again. Life keeps changing. The funny thing is that last year at this time I thought my son was doing great and then that happened.

    Hang in there. This is not a sprint but a marathon.

    Cyber hugs!
  8. Billiesue

    Billiesue Member

    Colleen, so happy for you, that your son has decided this. I am anxious to hear more. Prayers for you and him.
  9. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    He called yesterday. Asked for change for phone and vending machines. He sounded ok,/ bit defensive when I asked about rehab after detox. He said he is going to be doing outpatient counselling for now.

    I dropped off his change to the security guard as I am not allowed to go into the detox or even talk to anyone. It's hard. I felt so ashamed, like he was in prison. I cried a little and the elderly guard felt bad for me I could see.

    The last time my husband had been at the detox was as a teenager to drop off his own father.... it was rough. I dropped son off last week as husband was out of town.

    We cleaned his room today, got rid of anything that looked suspicious. Lots of baggies and cocaine residue. It's so draining.

    I leave tomorrow for a play therapy conference and husband will be home. I am thinking it will be good to learn and feel like I still have another part of my life that I enjoy and feel good about. I love learning and have been looking forward to this conference. I hope I can really let myself let go of my fog for a few days. I told the fellow counsellor I am going with... as she is very perceptive and will pick up on my mood. She is a wonderful friend who knew we had issues with son when I was doing my masters and we were in all our classes together, we talked almost daily. She actually suggested acupuncture for addiction and sent me several professional articles about its effectiveness. It is something I will suggest to son.

    Thank you all for being here..... I have no idea what is next, but I know I can face it. I have to.
  10. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Addicts have brain changes snd are capable of stealing, lying, abusing us, and acting like they have no conscience. The brain changes went back to normal once my daughter quit, but before that the normal mother nurturing did not work. We tried love and positiviity. She just took advantage of my hurt for her and did not quit. It isnt the same as cancer, in which people remain who they always were, just ill.

    The theiving, lying, sometimes assault on innocents, selling drugs and wreckless behavior makes people have a hard time sympathizing with addicts. They can hurt others for drugs. Illness or not, there is a way to avoid being an addict...dont start using. Cancer is unavoidable. Others think,"Why did they start doing this???"

    Our addicted adult kids are different than those with other illnesses so they get little sympathy from strangers and due to the drugs at work our compassion often makes them worse.

    Addicts scare people for good reason. Drug use causes crime.

    The only way to become whole is to get the drugs off the brain. And often our addicted loved ones only respond to goes against our grain but often works, even as we feel guilty and cry.

    I wish your son a very successful journey. If he wants to do this, he can do this. Addicts quit every single day. I hope he is
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2017
  11. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    You are doing great, Colleen. You've been brave and strong and wise. Sending you some extra strength and patience today in case you are running low. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I am crossing all body parts that your son experiences a real lasting change in his life.
  12. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I read on a sign last week of a addiction therapist office "Addiction is a Pre-existing Condition".

    That is so true isn't it? But how are we to know? What could we even have done as parents to stop it anyway?

    I also send you strength on this very difficult journey. I am on it too and it is exhausting.