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Son has given up on college
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<blockquote data-quote="ColleenB" data-source="post: 724470" data-attributes="member: 19887"><p>We’ve “donated” so much money to the local universities that when they call looking for alumni support I honestly tell them I’ve already “donated” thousands </p><p></p><p>Our oldest started and quit four times, all different programs, every time claiming this was the “one” and begging us to help him. Stupidly, we did. By the last one we told him to get a loan as he now qualified due to being out of high school four years (prior to that we made too much) and so he has loans to pay back at some point now. When our younger son dropped out of computer science last Xmas, saying he would work full time and he Hated his classes, I totally felt like a failure as a parent. How could BOTH my children fail at something my husband and I held as so important and had modeled for our sons? I went back as an adult to get my teaching degree and then four years ago I graduated with my masters degree. Older sons drug use has made the dream of university impossible. Once he felt any stress or anxiety he would begin using heavily and skipping classes and then it was usually apparent by October he wasn’t going to classes. </p><p></p><p>Fast forward a year.... younger Son is in a forestry program and is doing amazing, and so happy! He knew himself well enough to say he wouldn’t be happy in the IT world and needed hands on work. So proud of him and we are confident he will be ok. Drugs have never been an issue with him, and he rarely drinks. </p><p></p><p>Older Son went to detox this summer, and has been slowly working on sobriety with some serious slips. However... he loves his nose program , it’s a college for the arts, hands on and he says people don’t judge. He is on student council and is really trying. We are cautiously optimistic. </p><p></p><p>I guess what I’m saying is that your son is very young and don’t give up hope. By the forth dropout last Xmas I was feeling pretty low. And angry to be honest of all the wasted money we work so hard for. We no longer pay any tuition for either boy. We have told them they can live with us and we will feed them. That’s it. No cash no tuition. It’s working for us and they both seem to be doing their best. </p><p></p><p>I am scared every day my older son falls off the wagon, because it’s very likely he could. </p><p></p><p>I know how sad and low you are feeling right now. Listening to my friends talk about their kids in university etc is still hard on me. Where we live people consider university to be “superior” and both my boys are finding success in the hands on college system. I used to think university was the only choice. I know now that having happy successful kids is way more important than the degree. </p><p></p><p>Take care of your hurting heart and please be comforted that you have done your best.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ColleenB, post: 724470, member: 19887"] We’ve “donated” so much money to the local universities that when they call looking for alumni support I honestly tell them I’ve already “donated” thousands Our oldest started and quit four times, all different programs, every time claiming this was the “one” and begging us to help him. Stupidly, we did. By the last one we told him to get a loan as he now qualified due to being out of high school four years (prior to that we made too much) and so he has loans to pay back at some point now. When our younger son dropped out of computer science last Xmas, saying he would work full time and he Hated his classes, I totally felt like a failure as a parent. How could BOTH my children fail at something my husband and I held as so important and had modeled for our sons? I went back as an adult to get my teaching degree and then four years ago I graduated with my masters degree. Older sons drug use has made the dream of university impossible. Once he felt any stress or anxiety he would begin using heavily and skipping classes and then it was usually apparent by October he wasn’t going to classes. Fast forward a year.... younger Son is in a forestry program and is doing amazing, and so happy! He knew himself well enough to say he wouldn’t be happy in the IT world and needed hands on work. So proud of him and we are confident he will be ok. Drugs have never been an issue with him, and he rarely drinks. Older Son went to detox this summer, and has been slowly working on sobriety with some serious slips. However... he loves his nose program , it’s a college for the arts, hands on and he says people don’t judge. He is on student council and is really trying. We are cautiously optimistic. I guess what I’m saying is that your son is very young and don’t give up hope. By the forth dropout last Xmas I was feeling pretty low. And angry to be honest of all the wasted money we work so hard for. We no longer pay any tuition for either boy. We have told them they can live with us and we will feed them. That’s it. No cash no tuition. It’s working for us and they both seem to be doing their best. I am scared every day my older son falls off the wagon, because it’s very likely he could. I know how sad and low you are feeling right now. Listening to my friends talk about their kids in university etc is still hard on me. Where we live people consider university to be “superior” and both my boys are finding success in the hands on college system. I used to think university was the only choice. I know now that having happy successful kids is way more important than the degree. Take care of your hurting heart and please be comforted that you have done your best. [/QUOTE]
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