Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Son heading to jail, just feel numb
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Kalahou" data-source="post: 722185" data-attributes="member: 19617"><p>Hello mtic,</p><p>You are not alone here. Everyone understands and relates to your situation in one way or another.</p><p> Yes, this is just how I felt by the time my son finally went to jail - on felony. Actually in another way, I felt so relieved and thankful. I had peace. I did not bail him, I did not supervise release. I stopped thinking of him as being "arrested" and started thinking of him being "<em>rescued</em>." (My son is 10 years older than yours.)</p><p></p><p>By the time I learned on his arrest, I was done with keeping quiet about all the "problems" with him. It is too hard to keep it all inside yourself. I shared here and with supportive siblings, and "let go" of my embarrassment. What do I have to be embarrassed about? I did nothing wrong / I am not in jail. It has nothing to do with me - I didn't cause it, and can't cure it.</p><p></p><p>My son's felony charges were not "drug" charges either, but he either tested positive when arrested, or exhibited drug behavior, or else volunteered drug information to his defender etc. He did not like living in jail. He stayed in jail with no visits from anyone for 6 months. I did accept a 5-minute phone call once a week, and I did write a note to him every few weeks.</p><p></p><p>Fortunately for him, he apparently qualified for /was recommended for and released on probation to a 18-month to 2-year drug court program, which has strict terms and conditions. If you violate the terms / conditions of the court, you go back to jail, which happened to him a couple times for short periods during this time. He's had consequences for other issues also ~ all part of learning.</p><p></p><p>I think his prime motivation is to stay out of jail, so he does "the minimum" (as is usual for him) to meet the terms of the program. I think going to jail and getting in the drug court was a life-ring for him. I rarely see him, rarely hear from him (for only 5 mins) and often do not think of him. But he knows I support him in any honest efforts to manage his life responsibly. He is not a personality I would normally choose for a friend, but we can share a hug for being in the same family.</p><p> As others above have stated, there are benefits from being in jail. I kept a belief that perhaps someone would be put in his path who would take an interest in him. He did reading in there and actually wrote a few long letters to relatives who wrote to him. I was shocked! One very favorable thing was revealed by the very first thing he said to me when I saw him after his release. He said <em>"I had a job for the last 3 months everyday!</em>" The job was 4 hours a day in the laundry. ( But that was the first thing he told me ~ it was obviously something he was proud of that meant something to him ~ he had not had a job more than a week during the prior 4 or more years.)</p><p></p><p>Hang in here with us, and vent all you like. There is much wisdom, and caring here. It is a safe place. Trust the process.</p><p>Take care. <em>You are going to be alright. </em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kalahou, post: 722185, member: 19617"] Hello mtic, You are not alone here. Everyone understands and relates to your situation in one way or another. Yes, this is just how I felt by the time my son finally went to jail - on felony. Actually in another way, I felt so relieved and thankful. I had peace. I did not bail him, I did not supervise release. I stopped thinking of him as being "arrested" and started thinking of him being "[I]rescued[/I]." (My son is 10 years older than yours.) By the time I learned on his arrest, I was done with keeping quiet about all the "problems" with him. It is too hard to keep it all inside yourself. I shared here and with supportive siblings, and "let go" of my embarrassment. What do I have to be embarrassed about? I did nothing wrong / I am not in jail. It has nothing to do with me - I didn't cause it, and can't cure it. My son's felony charges were not "drug" charges either, but he either tested positive when arrested, or exhibited drug behavior, or else volunteered drug information to his defender etc. He did not like living in jail. He stayed in jail with no visits from anyone for 6 months. I did accept a 5-minute phone call once a week, and I did write a note to him every few weeks. Fortunately for him, he apparently qualified for /was recommended for and released on probation to a 18-month to 2-year drug court program, which has strict terms and conditions. If you violate the terms / conditions of the court, you go back to jail, which happened to him a couple times for short periods during this time. He's had consequences for other issues also ~ all part of learning. I think his prime motivation is to stay out of jail, so he does "the minimum" (as is usual for him) to meet the terms of the program. I think going to jail and getting in the drug court was a life-ring for him. I rarely see him, rarely hear from him (for only 5 mins) and often do not think of him. But he knows I support him in any honest efforts to manage his life responsibly. He is not a personality I would normally choose for a friend, but we can share a hug for being in the same family. As others above have stated, there are benefits from being in jail. I kept a belief that perhaps someone would be put in his path who would take an interest in him. He did reading in there and actually wrote a few long letters to relatives who wrote to him. I was shocked! One very favorable thing was revealed by the very first thing he said to me when I saw him after his release. He said [I]"I had a job for the last 3 months everyday![/I]" The job was 4 hours a day in the laundry. ( But that was the first thing he told me ~ it was obviously something he was proud of that meant something to him ~ he had not had a job more than a week during the prior 4 or more years.) Hang in here with us, and vent all you like. There is much wisdom, and caring here. It is a safe place. Trust the process. Take care. [I]You are going to be alright. [/I] [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Son heading to jail, just feel numb
Top