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Substance Abuse
Son homeless again
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<blockquote data-quote="Deni D" data-source="post: 760772" data-attributes="member: 22840"><p>Ahh, so you panicked and jumped in to try to rescue him, something we know as mothers is a natural response. I think a lot of us here would be in the running for a gold medal on that jumping. I get how your husband was angry about it but just as you jumped so did he. I think therapy would be good for both of you. I know how dealing with a brick wall of anger from an adult man can make things even harder for you to deal with, to step back and let your adult child be as they are. So maybe your husband will be willing to also talk with someone but if not as others have suggested it really would be a good idea for you regardless. Your son is young, he has much more energy for chaos than you do, it could go on for a long while. </p><p></p><p>Over the years my son has done the same to me and then gone silent only for me to find out he found another soft place to land, many times. As time goes on though those soft places become harder for them to find. That's when you need some real strength to hold on so they can become accountable for themselves, at least to the degree they can. I know you can stand to initially give him an address to a homeless shelter or a mental health organization instead of putting him up in a hotel but the nasty guilting responses from him, you have that come your way, is another story. That's the stuff most people couldn't even imagine, let alone how to deal with it or how it takes us apart. Bottom line though, he needs more help and guidance than you can provide, you know that. The sad truth is he will only accept help and guidance when he is ready and it could be a while. At 18 you have no control but then again services are provided to dual diagnosed adults in the mental health side of things once he's in the system for issues like his. </p><p></p><p>I hope I don't sound harsh. I certainly know when my son was 18 if someone had told me I'd still be into this 10 years later I would have thought I just won't survive. I would have thought no one can live like this for long. The thing is they can't. I mean you, not him, he might be okay with the over the edge rebellion to bumping into adulthood until it runs it's course for him, whatever the course might be. But for you, I hope you take the reins of your life by getting help with therapy, meditation, yoga, mindfulness, massages and anything that suits you now rather than waiting until later thinking/feeling you can do something, control his life, you can't, we can't. Letting go, and letting be, loving unconditionally, but not taking yourself out is the only recipe for this hand you have been dealt. Everything JayPee said is so very true, true down to a kind and loving core level for both you and him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Deni D, post: 760772, member: 22840"] Ahh, so you panicked and jumped in to try to rescue him, something we know as mothers is a natural response. I think a lot of us here would be in the running for a gold medal on that jumping. I get how your husband was angry about it but just as you jumped so did he. I think therapy would be good for both of you. I know how dealing with a brick wall of anger from an adult man can make things even harder for you to deal with, to step back and let your adult child be as they are. So maybe your husband will be willing to also talk with someone but if not as others have suggested it really would be a good idea for you regardless. Your son is young, he has much more energy for chaos than you do, it could go on for a long while. Over the years my son has done the same to me and then gone silent only for me to find out he found another soft place to land, many times. As time goes on though those soft places become harder for them to find. That's when you need some real strength to hold on so they can become accountable for themselves, at least to the degree they can. I know you can stand to initially give him an address to a homeless shelter or a mental health organization instead of putting him up in a hotel but the nasty guilting responses from him, you have that come your way, is another story. That's the stuff most people couldn't even imagine, let alone how to deal with it or how it takes us apart. Bottom line though, he needs more help and guidance than you can provide, you know that. The sad truth is he will only accept help and guidance when he is ready and it could be a while. At 18 you have no control but then again services are provided to dual diagnosed adults in the mental health side of things once he's in the system for issues like his. I hope I don't sound harsh. I certainly know when my son was 18 if someone had told me I'd still be into this 10 years later I would have thought I just won't survive. I would have thought no one can live like this for long. The thing is they can't. I mean you, not him, he might be okay with the over the edge rebellion to bumping into adulthood until it runs it's course for him, whatever the course might be. But for you, I hope you take the reins of your life by getting help with therapy, meditation, yoga, mindfulness, massages and anything that suits you now rather than waiting until later thinking/feeling you can do something, control his life, you can't, we can't. Letting go, and letting be, loving unconditionally, but not taking yourself out is the only recipe for this hand you have been dealt. Everything JayPee said is so very true, true down to a kind and loving core level for both you and him. [/QUOTE]
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