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Son in jail...again.. new to the board
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 666631" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Hi Jude and welcome to the forum. </p><p></p><p>Your story sounds eerily familiar to me...very similar to my story with my son. He isn't bipolar, but jail was a revolving door for him---he could not stop breaking the law. I think he was in jail either 8 times or 9 times. Honestly don't know which one.</p><p></p><p>It got to be rote for me after a while. Not at first, but after a while.</p><p></p><p>I stopped the phone calls completely. I would take the free one from him after he would get arrested. It would flash up "Shreveport Louisiana" on my phone, and my entire body and psyche would crater. </p><p></p><p>I would know he was back in. (Poor Shreveport!)</p><p></p><p>Anyway...I decided not to put myself through those paid phone calls anymore the last two or three times. He would do basically exactly what your son is doing on the phone...leaving me a complete wreck for the rest of the day after I hung up.</p><p></p><p>I did write him in jail, but kept it to newsy postcards after a time...no lectures or speeches or "you might want to think about..." any more.</p><p></p><p>I finally realized he already knew what to do...he just didn't want to do it.</p><p></p><p>My son's issues are alcohol and prescription drugs.</p><p></p><p>Ahhh...the girlfriend. My son, too, has a girlfriend who has a diagnosis of bipolar but doesn't take medications. I am 100 percent with you in wishing and hoping that the relationship is over right now. I so understand your feelings here. I am with you. </p><p></p><p>My son's girlfriend is in jail---has been since July on a domestic assault charge against him. Her second one against him. She was on probation already and so they have kept her for a while this time. Her hearing is next week and my son will go back and testify. I bet she gets out.</p><p></p><p>I hope you can rest in the fact that they are separated right now, and if for no other reason, this is a very good thing and the good part about him being in jail (if there can be a good part). </p><p></p><p>My son says they are done, but he has said that before. Only bad things will come from this relationship, I believe, but it has to be HIS decision, not mine. He has to see it for himself, just like everything else that has happened over the past 7 years.</p><p></p><p>Just like you are, I got to the point where I was done. I couldn't do one more thing to try to help my son, after trying for years and years and years to get him to "see the light." I had to let it go.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you read the detachment post. I read it over and over, every single day, and I posted it on my bathroom mirror. It was a great tool for me when I first came here, like Al-Anon has been, reading books like Codependent No More, Boundaries, all of my Al-Anon books, journaling, praying, doing nice things for myself, exercising etc. All of these "tools" you can assemble---the ones that work for you---will help you change your thinking and your behavior over time. Feelings, now, they are much harder to manage but you can learn to feel your feelings and not act on them.</p><p></p><p>There is so much peace that can come with just...letting go.</p><p></p><p>I know you love your precious son very much. I do, too. But we can't save them. If we could, we would. But we can't. I finally accepted this fact, and released him to my Higher Power, the Universe, Mother Nature, God, whatever "the force" is for you. It can even be this forum if necessary.</p><p></p><p>We have to let go. In all aspects of life, not just this, but this was the first real test I had ever had (except for my divorce and my sister's death) of letting go, I mean really letting go. I still can "take it back" but very quickly, I can let go again.</p><p></p><p>We are here for you. We know there is a long story with lots of twists and turns, and we trust that you will reveal it---or not---as you wish. </p><p></p><p>Like Echo said, you wrote enough. We get it. We are here for you and we understand. We will support you in your decisions, and offer ideas, options, care and encouragement. That's our deal here.</p><p></p><p>Warm hugs this morning.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 666631, member: 17542"] Hi Jude and welcome to the forum. Your story sounds eerily familiar to me...very similar to my story with my son. He isn't bipolar, but jail was a revolving door for him---he could not stop breaking the law. I think he was in jail either 8 times or 9 times. Honestly don't know which one. It got to be rote for me after a while. Not at first, but after a while. I stopped the phone calls completely. I would take the free one from him after he would get arrested. It would flash up "Shreveport Louisiana" on my phone, and my entire body and psyche would crater. I would know he was back in. (Poor Shreveport!) Anyway...I decided not to put myself through those paid phone calls anymore the last two or three times. He would do basically exactly what your son is doing on the phone...leaving me a complete wreck for the rest of the day after I hung up. I did write him in jail, but kept it to newsy postcards after a time...no lectures or speeches or "you might want to think about..." any more. I finally realized he already knew what to do...he just didn't want to do it. My son's issues are alcohol and prescription drugs. Ahhh...the girlfriend. My son, too, has a girlfriend who has a diagnosis of bipolar but doesn't take medications. I am 100 percent with you in wishing and hoping that the relationship is over right now. I so understand your feelings here. I am with you. My son's girlfriend is in jail---has been since July on a domestic assault charge against him. Her second one against him. She was on probation already and so they have kept her for a while this time. Her hearing is next week and my son will go back and testify. I bet she gets out. I hope you can rest in the fact that they are separated right now, and if for no other reason, this is a very good thing and the good part about him being in jail (if there can be a good part). My son says they are done, but he has said that before. Only bad things will come from this relationship, I believe, but it has to be HIS decision, not mine. He has to see it for himself, just like everything else that has happened over the past 7 years. Just like you are, I got to the point where I was done. I couldn't do one more thing to try to help my son, after trying for years and years and years to get him to "see the light." I had to let it go. I am glad you read the detachment post. I read it over and over, every single day, and I posted it on my bathroom mirror. It was a great tool for me when I first came here, like Al-Anon has been, reading books like Codependent No More, Boundaries, all of my Al-Anon books, journaling, praying, doing nice things for myself, exercising etc. All of these "tools" you can assemble---the ones that work for you---will help you change your thinking and your behavior over time. Feelings, now, they are much harder to manage but you can learn to feel your feelings and not act on them. There is so much peace that can come with just...letting go. I know you love your precious son very much. I do, too. But we can't save them. If we could, we would. But we can't. I finally accepted this fact, and released him to my Higher Power, the Universe, Mother Nature, God, whatever "the force" is for you. It can even be this forum if necessary. We have to let go. In all aspects of life, not just this, but this was the first real test I had ever had (except for my divorce and my sister's death) of letting go, I mean really letting go. I still can "take it back" but very quickly, I can let go again. We are here for you. We know there is a long story with lots of twists and turns, and we trust that you will reveal it---or not---as you wish. Like Echo said, you wrote enough. We get it. We are here for you and we understand. We will support you in your decisions, and offer ideas, options, care and encouragement. That's our deal here. Warm hugs this morning. [/QUOTE]
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Son in jail...again.. new to the board
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