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Substance Abuse
Son is back. Now what?
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 653985" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>Rina I know your heart is hurting so badly right now. Your son may not have the same ability to attach that you obviously have for him. It is not your fault. For many years I felt my daugher would not care if I lived or died and then I realized that all I wanted was for her to be safe and happy and if that meant she didn't want me in it I would have to accept that. Your son is still very young and going through some very difficult times. I suspect a lot of what he says has to do with the fact that you are trying to stop him from what he wants most, drugs. It is our job as parents to get our kids to adulthood and then if they want to have a relationship with us that's wonderful but not at all a sure thing.</p><p></p><p>Right now you have to make sure he is safe and getting help. How he feels about you or at least what he is saying, cannot be taken seriously at this point. His mind is clouded with drugs. Your son has a lot of stuff he needs to work out in the next few years. I wish I could convince you that nothing that you did or didn't do caused this. I use to second guess myself a lot also. </p><p></p><p>It is sounding more and more like he has attachments issues, those can be very difficult to work through. I remember one of my daughter's therapists who worked with adopted kids exclusively, telling her that she never accepted us like we accepted her and that if we haven't left her in 13 years we weren't going to. I think she was always waiting for us to do that and so she never wanted to get close.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 653985, member: 59"] Rina I know your heart is hurting so badly right now. Your son may not have the same ability to attach that you obviously have for him. It is not your fault. For many years I felt my daugher would not care if I lived or died and then I realized that all I wanted was for her to be safe and happy and if that meant she didn't want me in it I would have to accept that. Your son is still very young and going through some very difficult times. I suspect a lot of what he says has to do with the fact that you are trying to stop him from what he wants most, drugs. It is our job as parents to get our kids to adulthood and then if they want to have a relationship with us that's wonderful but not at all a sure thing. Right now you have to make sure he is safe and getting help. How he feels about you or at least what he is saying, cannot be taken seriously at this point. His mind is clouded with drugs. Your son has a lot of stuff he needs to work out in the next few years. I wish I could convince you that nothing that you did or didn't do caused this. I use to second guess myself a lot also. It is sounding more and more like he has attachments issues, those can be very difficult to work through. I remember one of my daughter's therapists who worked with adopted kids exclusively, telling her that she never accepted us like we accepted her and that if we haven't left her in 13 years we weren't going to. I think she was always waiting for us to do that and so she never wanted to get close. [/QUOTE]
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Son is back. Now what?
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