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Substance Abuse
Son is back. Now what?
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 654169" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Rina, we adopted my son as an infant so he may not have the issues a child who was older, came from another country and spent time in an orphanage...but even so I think he has a lot of feelings about being adopted....I have talked a bit about it with my daughter who was also adopted ( but has always been an easy kid and very close to us) and she has expressed that she also had feelings about being adopted, but she accepted them more easily....and really I think the big difference between her and my son is innate personality! He has always had a tougher time dealing with his feelings than she is. She is much more easy going than he is.</p><p></p><p>I too have gone through periods where I wondered what I did wrong and feeling like I failed him....and he too went through a period where he was pretty rejecting of us.</p><p></p><p>What a therapist pointed out to us once is that we have no idea what would have happened to him if we had not adopted him. Chances are really good that he would have been much much worse off...that in fact we were a protective factor for him...and that he would have probably ended up in prison or dead years ago!</p><p></p><p>I have come to believe that in fact that is true. In fact the last time he was in jail when we were visiting him I came to the realization that it is the love of his mother (and father) that will keep him from becoming a hardened criminal.</p><p></p><p>And at the moment he is working and doing ok. What has really changed is that now he can tell me he loves me.....for years he could not and would not do that.</p><p></p><p>So continue to love your son.,,,but find ways if you can to let go of the expectation that he will love you back. I am sure you are a big positive influence on his life even if he can't see that now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 654169, member: 15801"] Rina, we adopted my son as an infant so he may not have the issues a child who was older, came from another country and spent time in an orphanage...but even so I think he has a lot of feelings about being adopted....I have talked a bit about it with my daughter who was also adopted ( but has always been an easy kid and very close to us) and she has expressed that she also had feelings about being adopted, but she accepted them more easily....and really I think the big difference between her and my son is innate personality! He has always had a tougher time dealing with his feelings than she is. She is much more easy going than he is. I too have gone through periods where I wondered what I did wrong and feeling like I failed him....and he too went through a period where he was pretty rejecting of us. What a therapist pointed out to us once is that we have no idea what would have happened to him if we had not adopted him. Chances are really good that he would have been much much worse off...that in fact we were a protective factor for him...and that he would have probably ended up in prison or dead years ago! I have come to believe that in fact that is true. In fact the last time he was in jail when we were visiting him I came to the realization that it is the love of his mother (and father) that will keep him from becoming a hardened criminal. And at the moment he is working and doing ok. What has really changed is that now he can tell me he loves me.....for years he could not and would not do that. So continue to love your son.,,,but find ways if you can to let go of the expectation that he will love you back. I am sure you are a big positive influence on his life even if he can't see that now. [/QUOTE]
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Son is back. Now what?
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