for those of you who have followed me, just an update. We are going on our trip and leaving our boys home. It's kinda scary but I think it's ok. Younger son knows to let us know if anything happens, if older son goes back downhill via depression... We have lots of family in town he can also reach out to. Older son seems to be doing a bit better. Not sleeping all day anymore, going to classes. He is also much kinder, not angry , which lets me know he isn't using hard drugs. His personality was completely different when he was using. Very angry. I'm not sure he isn't using pot. But he says no. I haven't seen it or smelt it lately. He is drinking, and he knows it's a slippery slope. He has actually said he may try AA or NA. I think this may work better for him than the counselling route we have tried. He likes the idea of being able to listen at first. He has also been very apologetic, and it seems sincere. He says that he knows he is a good person so that is why he feels bad about his behaviours these last few years. I hope and pray this is the start of his journey to healing.