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son is in partial hospitalization (PH)
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 684053" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Fine. It is chaotic. He is there for a reason, to gain sobriety. After that, his Florida College Plan is there. While I do not know Florida I would assume that there are some colleges in quieter areas. Or not. To get ahead people have to do things that are hard.</p><p></p><p>Most people in Florida will never have the opportunity to leave and will deal with the chaos their whole lives. If he does not like chaos let him study hard or work hard and on his own dime, choose the life he wants in the conditions he wants.</p><p></p><p>Mom and Dad have their own lives. Son is now an adult having made a series of adult choices from which there is no walking back, only forward.</p><p></p><p>If he is welcome to visit for a weekend, a week, tell him that. If he is not welcome, tell him that, and remind him why. In a public place. And when he reacts point to his behavior.</p><p>He has every right to forgo college, and forego this opportunity to study. He has no right to decide to stay in your home, unless you want this.</p><p>Why in the world would you feel guilty? He is an adult. He has chosen his path thus far with adult actions, for which he is responsible. Nobody can or should walk those back. Because he needs to be held responsible so that he can learn to hold himself responsible.</p><p></p><p>He is no longer a child.</p><p>Well, there you are. No from Mom. No from Dad.</p><p></p><p>Are you traveling to visit the area? If it were me I would think about whether you want to tell him on the phone, and risk a blow out that interferes with any visit, or whether you want to wait and tell him in person, in a restaurant or other public place.</p><p></p><p>He is an adult who happens to be your son. He does not get to determine how you live your life, including his role in it. You determine this, with your husband.</p><p></p><p>You have set him on his path *by that I mean you raised him. His exact spot has been determined by him.. He needs to walk it. You have any opportunity in the future that you choose to avail yourself of to help him in whatever yet specified way you choose. That is your decision and not his. You have decided that now is not the time.</p><p></p><p>He will have the opportunity to begin defining himself and his relationship with you, by his response.</p><p></p><p>That is the beauty about detaching. One of them. Your son will be allowed by you the dignity and the confidence to decide who he is and who he wants to be, by his choices. Let us see what he does.</p><p></p><p>Whatever he does you need to remember it is his choice and his responsibility, not your own. The days where you are one hundred percent responsible, or 80 percent, are no longer here. Now he owns the preponderance of both power and control<em> and responsibility</em>. Not the inverse.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 684053, member: 18958"] Fine. It is chaotic. He is there for a reason, to gain sobriety. After that, his Florida College Plan is there. While I do not know Florida I would assume that there are some colleges in quieter areas. Or not. To get ahead people have to do things that are hard. Most people in Florida will never have the opportunity to leave and will deal with the chaos their whole lives. If he does not like chaos let him study hard or work hard and on his own dime, choose the life he wants in the conditions he wants. Mom and Dad have their own lives. Son is now an adult having made a series of adult choices from which there is no walking back, only forward. If he is welcome to visit for a weekend, a week, tell him that. If he is not welcome, tell him that, and remind him why. In a public place. And when he reacts point to his behavior. He has every right to forgo college, and forego this opportunity to study. He has no right to decide to stay in your home, unless you want this. Why in the world would you feel guilty? He is an adult. He has chosen his path thus far with adult actions, for which he is responsible. Nobody can or should walk those back. Because he needs to be held responsible so that he can learn to hold himself responsible. He is no longer a child. Well, there you are. No from Mom. No from Dad. Are you traveling to visit the area? If it were me I would think about whether you want to tell him on the phone, and risk a blow out that interferes with any visit, or whether you want to wait and tell him in person, in a restaurant or other public place. He is an adult who happens to be your son. He does not get to determine how you live your life, including his role in it. You determine this, with your husband. You have set him on his path *by that I mean you raised him. His exact spot has been determined by him.. He needs to walk it. You have any opportunity in the future that you choose to avail yourself of to help him in whatever yet specified way you choose. That is your decision and not his. You have decided that now is not the time. He will have the opportunity to begin defining himself and his relationship with you, by his response. That is the beauty about detaching. One of them. Your son will be allowed by you the dignity and the confidence to decide who he is and who he wants to be, by his choices. Let us see what he does. Whatever he does you need to remember it is his choice and his responsibility, not your own. The days where you are one hundred percent responsible, or 80 percent, are no longer here. Now he owns the preponderance of both power and control[I] and responsibility[/I]. Not the inverse. [/QUOTE]
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son is in partial hospitalization (PH)
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