Son is now in hospital

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by in a daze, Feb 2, 2013.

  1. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    It all started 2 days ago...he called me at work about 1030 AM. He was in his car. His speech was slurred. He was kind of incoherent. Said he was having abdominal pain. Able to tell me street and landmarks, so I was able to tell EMS where he was. Brought to ER. I left work and went to be with him. He was disheveled, clothing dirty, large ink stains on khakis, nails long and dirty (he told me he was supposedly doing an errand for his employer, his uncle, on his way downtown). Speech still slurred in ER. Worked up for abdominal pain; CT showed colitis; antibiotics and vicodin for pain. Drug/alcohol screening: none detected! (hard to believe given his history and the evidence)

    Phone records show he had been up for the past two nights. Condo littered with beer bottles, overturned lamps, a mess. (Know for a fact that he had had two parties Monday and Tuesday.) Given also that he blew his check, psychiatric doctor thinks a hypomanic episode.

    difficult child did not want to stay. Told him that I was not taking him home or to the condo. difficult child wanted to sign himself out. I told him he could hitchhike and good luck because it was freezing out. I took his clothes, shoes, keys, wallet.

    Talked to him today. Still wants to go home. They have him on a boatload of medications...Besides the Lamictal and the Tranzadone which he was already on they added Lithium300 mg 2 x a day, Zoloft, and Protonix for his acid reflux. He has always maintained that the SSRI'S that he was put on in high school gave him "brain damage". He is talking about refusing the medications. Spoke to social worker. She said lets get some medications into him and then decide on a discharge plan.

    And besides all this happening, I got to work that morning, found my coworkers all in tears. Apparrently our clinical coordinator's son had shot himself to death the day before.

    So any advice, especially from those who have had a family member who has been noncompliant with medications, therapy, etc.?
  2. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Have no words of advice, just want to send my support FWIW. Sorry about your son and about the clinical coordinator's son - such a heartache.
    I have an older brother (60 yrs old now) who has been schizoaffective for all his adult life. He is medication compliant, has been for the entire time except for a short period in 1992, and he still has so many issues. He can't hold a job - at least your son is seemingly able to hold it together for his job. Sending gentle hugs your way.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    No advice, but I am sure sorry for this turn. I pray he stays long enough to get some medications in him.....I truly hope he can be compliant. I just dont know what people do who can't be guardians of their kids who hurt themselves this way, you are all just amazing.

    I am truly sorry about your co workers son. That is such a shock, I have experienced that with a close friend too. There are just no words. (A boy I helped raise, took care of from age 5 through 12 and all of his younger brothers too, killed himself at age 19, I'm still heart broken.)

    I'll pray your son is not ever in that position. You were very strong to take his stuff and walk off to force him to stay. Keep us updated please......
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Fingers crossed that he stabilizes quickly. Hugs coming your way. DDD
  5. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am so sorry. Sending you hugs and comfort. I have no real advice either, my daughter is non compliant in everything and all I have ever been able to do is learn more about detaching. It's hard. But, it really is their choice. You took a strong stand in taking his clothes, let him stay as the SW recommends and take it moment to moment. Perhaps something will take hold for him and he will feel better. Or not. In the meantime, take care of you, go do something nurturing for yourself, he is safely tucked away right now, get some peace and quiet.
  6. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Thank you everyone for your words of comfort and wisdom. We went to see him today and he looks and sounds 90 % better. Not talking about stopping the medications today. Had meeting with SW. She thinks PHP then transition back to independent living. Brought up dual diagnosis center (residential). SW says waste of money, he doesn't want to go and doesn't buy into it. Ugh... hate the thought of him coming back to live with us! Wondering if we should put him or threaten him with a halfway house.

    husband spoke to difficult child'S cousin. difficult child would spend the weekend with cousin and drink all his dad's hard liquor. Said difficult child was delusional the night before hospital admission telling him he talked to him all night when cousin was asleep (multiple text messages to cousin on phone records, one way).
  7. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Oh yes...very much enjoying the peace and quiet!!!
  8. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    My easy child/difficult child didn't want to be on medications or be in the hospital last year but we convnced himthat he needed to be because he was delusional and work would not let him back until he had treatment and a doctor sign that he was ready to return to work. He did the alcohol recovery program and is still sober but no longer attends AA. He has also expressed a desie to stop all medications. We plan to tell him before he goes back out on his own, that if he does stop treatment we will not take him back under our roof again. He is a good guy and wants to please us so I am hoping that will be enough.

    The addiction counselor at the hospital told us that often once they are in treatment for a while and feeling better, they want to continue in the program. I am hoping that happens for your son. Unfortunately there is little that you can do if he doesn't want treatment. -RM
  9. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    IAD, he is an adult, I don't believe you are responsible for him to have to take him home or house him in your condo. One thing I do know about the system is that as long as the family will take responsibility for them, they will not look at any other options. You may want to talk to the SW and let her know you have no intention of housing him. Find other options. This may be your opportunity to find some other place for him to live. Otherwise, you will need to start to adjust to the realization that this may be the way it is and you have to find ways for him to have healthy dependence. Before you make any decisions at all, talk to the SW and let her know that living with you is NOT an option and see what unfolds. Good luck.
  10. Siobhan Harper

    Siobhan Harper New Member

    Agree with RE. NO WAY do you need to bring him home or provide housing. My difficult child has been non-compliant forever, so until that changes, you can pretty much count on a repeating scenario. If your current SW doesn't start coming up with some other options, ask to talk to another one, or the supervisor. There are totally options here, and bringing him back into your home doesn't come close to being good for you or him!

  11. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    He is back home with us. Hasn't started PHP. He went today (late of course) and couldn't find the room (hospital under construction) They told him to come back tomorrow. He claims he doesn't feel like drinking. He is taking his medicine. I think he is on too much lithium. He is kind of clumsy and his speech is a little slow. The p doctor increased it in the hospital. Plan to transition back to condo and job. Very uncertain.

    If he crashes again we may not take him back.