So hard. You are very brave. I admire you. Xoxo
Thanks wiser, he absolutely refuses any rehab. He does not think he has an issue as he says "I control the drugs they don't control me". We are in the throws of gaslighting, anger and blame at the moment. Hanging in there though.Hi there...have you offered up any rehab treatment for him? Homewood in Guelph has a great program. Don't know if you have insurance or not as without it can be a long waiting list. Just a thought. If he really wants to change he would jump at this opportunity. Stay strong and as the others have said be kind to yourselves....you have done everything and yes are still sane....lol. Sometimes when I reflect where we were with our Difficult Child it looks like a slow moving train wreck which did finally stop. However I am still impacted by it and seeing a therapist as I struggle to move on in my new life and the new relationship I have with son. I often catch myself thinking how did it all go so horribly wrong when all we had as parents were the very best intentions. But as my daughter said "its a wild card"...you never know. all I know is I can only control my reaction to the drama, and not participate in it. That's were practicing detachment on a daily basis does really help. Hugs.
No styrofoam bricks! Well said!!It could be argued that bringing him home makes it worse. I have come (to try) to see our situation concretely/spatially. I am helping build a house made of bricks. I can by my actions insist that my contribution will fund quality bricks or I can close my eyes to the building materials my son uses to build his life. The styrofoam bricks used among other things to anchor flower arrangements come to mind.
Oh yes. Those flower arrangements smell pretty and do delight. But will they hold up a house, a life?
We as parents have a job to do for the rest of our lives (and afterward I believe just in a different way.) I try to see my actions and decisions and attitudes with respect to my child as those bricks. I can go the cheaper and easier way, or not. There are so many times I indulge him and in doing so enable him to take short cuts. In the moment it feels like love, fear and pain. But if I permit myself to go with those fake bricks, does this help?
Really. Are sryrofoam bricks really an option for you? Part of the agony I believe comes from our battering ourselves that all options are on the table. Even styrofoam bricks. When we know better.
That we could save him.
Really? With a styrofoam brick?
The only one who can add a real brick to the structure of his life is him. If we rush in a pretty and faux brick we contribute to the instability of the house not it's strength and durability.
I write this to remind us that so many of the options we feel we might have are non-options given the REAL situations our sons have put themselves. They are the only ones who can see their lives with clarity and begin to make the choice to build a better house.
I know how hard this is. But at this point it is simpler because it is clearer. He is building the house he needs to live in (with any kids he might have) for his whole life. You are supporting him to utilize real and solid bricks so his house is not a ruin. That's it. You will not buy styrofoam bricks for his house. Would you?
I would not give him the letter. It would be engaging with hm, muddying the waters and giving him leverage over you and a club to beat you (more,)
Everything in the letter he knows. You have told him, pleaded, begged to no avail. The letter is for you. To record your journey and how you got to this place. He is ignoring you.. Not one thing you say does he hear.
He will write his own letter someday. On the story of his life he writes by his choices..
Honestly. I fear you going to meet him to drop off his stuff. I wish somebody else could go.
I did put the letter in his bag Copa....I know your right....I just couldn't help myself.would not give him the letter. It would be engaging with hm, muddying the waters and giving him leverage over you and a club to beat you (more,)
That sounds like a Pink Floyd reference......Numb but not so comfortably.....numb.