I haven't posted in awhile about my son. I think since he last called me wanting 'night fishing bait $' and I said no (actually offered him 1/3 of amt he asked for-he wasn't satisfied with that), around 3wks+ ago. At that time, he still had the chinese food delivery job, but I could feel like that was going to come to an end soon. Well, it did. I did not talk to him after ^^ fishing bait $ request, for around 10 days. That ended around 2 wks ago. We've been talking on and off. He says he only calls me...only is interested in talking to me when he 'needs' help. Nice, huh? He actually admits this...he's got cajones. What do I do when he says that? I ignore it. And, it hurts. So, in those 10 days of not speaking to him...he actually got another job at a newly opened 'deli'. His job was bussing tables, etc..loading dishwasher. As of last weekend though, I think he also lost that one. *sigh* My son's major personality fault is that he is, by nature, a 'cocky' person. He is super intelligent, I mean super. He is very philosophical....and has a huge ego. He admits no blame for ANYTHING. This type of trait is problematic, wherein, he says things to ppl....bosses...superiors....teachers....that she should NOT. One day last week, he called me on a break and told me that the boss' daughter (whom he told me was pretty hot) said something to him and he 'didn't like the way she phrased it'. It was something about the other female busser...and the dtr told son something about how the other busser was going to get the weekend shift (instead of him) because it 'was fair'. That meant that he would get the 'next' weekend-which is this one coming up. Well, I think he was since fired so he actually won't get it. Anyhow, he didn't think her wording of 'was fair' was a good way to phrase the sentence. And he told her so! His defense to me was that he said it 'in a nice way'. Yes, this was the boss' dtr he is talking down to! I think this was the last straw. The problem is....he thinks there was NOTHING wrong with saying this to the boss' dtr! So, yeah, I think that he has lost the new deli job. He hasn't admitted it, when I texted him asking about it, I get no reply. Today, he calls me and said he just got finished having a conversation with the older man whom he 'rents' a room from. I put 'rents' like that, because I don't think he's been paying the guy on time. I think the guy has sort of taken a liking to son....and this is bad in a way! He is giving son breaks that are not helpful to son. He also likes to have 'cocktails' and frequently asks my trying to stay sober son, to have a random drink here and there with him. Not good. Anyways, this conversation between the 2 was started by the homeowner. He apparently was asking son stuff like 'what is going on with you? you are a very intelligent, brilliant guy..with so much potential...yet, you are not moving forward....college? etc?' Basically, this conversation set my son off on a 'nice' rampage on 'family'. He loves to say he has NO family, he has NO support, he had NO childhood, he never felt comfortable in our home that we made as a family (his stepfather and I), he had nothing. Still has nothing. Still has no support. What? What about ALL the support that I have been giving him? IT is just very upsetting to hear this! Over and over and over. He basically got down to the nitty gritty and, after berating us all for an hour via text....he told me that 'why can't my family help me so that I can finally start college and move forward....why can't you guys, like support me? pay my rent so I can focus on school?' This wrenches my heart. You see, he has 4yrs of college paid for via the Florida College Prepaid Program, that I paid for back when he was little! I did that for him! Yet, he's tried classes 3 different times since graduating HS and each time, either dropped out, or flunked out due to not doing the work! And, currently, he's banned from the local community college where he last gave it a try because he was found to be smoking mj in the parking lot! Yet, after 2yrs, he hasn't even attempted to go to the dean and clear up the suspension....irresponsible! So, yeah, today he drops the bomb that we are mean and unsupportive because so many other college kids have 'support' from their parents...paid rent, car, etc. Us? Pieces of unsupportive garbage-not his words, mine-I guess how I feel after talking to him. Are my husband and I unsupportive garbage? Are we being cruel by not helping him more? Paying his rent? I already help him by paying his auto insurance (not cheap!) and gym membership. I am letting his words guilt me. I have not told my hub this. This stuff angers him. But, me? I'm a softy. While we were texting, he was reverting back to the past, his childhood, teenage hood. And how horrible he thinks it was. I have different memories! In my mind today, I was cursing that homeowner man for opening up this can of worms with son-the past! Son loves to dredge up the past! The homeowner guy is only hearing son's version! I texted him (AGAIN) that he needs to let go of the past! It is crippling him! I told him that I have tried my hardest to help him. I wrote: "I will not mull over and over and over the past with you anymore. It's useless and solves nothing but keeping the negativity alive. Your #1 issue is your insobriety. When you drink/use...you STOP moving forward. THAT is your biggest crippling problem. You lose jobs, friends, family, all due to using & drinking. The sooner you STOP blaming everybody else for stagnation, & examine what your poor choices are doing to keep you back, the sooner you will find satisfaction and begin to move forward. He answered: "There is no family, take it back. I lose bogus jobs (?); haven't lost any friends thats all I have so you're out of line. Are you judging ppl that don't stay sober all the time? Because my father's family drink and are much better with relationships/ppl in general & much more down to earth." I said: "I don't know what to say. You seem to have an answer for everything. You will not move forward until/unless you become more humble." He said: "the past was full of 'memories taking hold of me..I try to face them but the thought is too much to conceive" (I think this was song lyrics..he loves to grip on to, memorize negative song lyrics to fuel his angst). I responded with: "Imagine yourself putting them in the garbage. You cannot live in the past, nobody can. I offered you therapy, you turned it down. I suggest church, you refuse. I've suggested 100's of times to stop listening to that negative, depressing music, you refuse. I've suggested switching to christian music, you don't. I've asked you to get a sponsor, you won't. You refuse to do things to help." He writes (the philosophical side of him): "therapy and church are a joke for the weak minded. How do you play any role in me getting a sponsor?" I said: "that's part of the problem. you are too stubborn, inflexible in your viewpoints. 'A joke for the weak minded..' are you not a bit weak where sobriety is concerned?" He said: "lol what? weak in what way, explain weak? ya, because those who have found the light have found the lies. with much knowledge, intuition & wisdom comes much grief". (more philosophy) I said: "I don't agree with you and your way of thinking. It seems you want to keep a grip on all that. If you didn't, you'd seek help. But you refuse help. There are tons of different avenues of help for ppl with past issues/resentments. No excuse for anyone not to utilize that plethora of help. Unless you want to stay that way. I had a HORRIBLE childhood. I CHOOSE not to be a victim of that. You have that choice, too! If you'd like help with therapy, your insurance covers it." He said: "We can't help but to painfully remember and hold a grip on our past, it defines who we are in this very present moment. we are a product of experience PERIOD. Open your mind. You are who you are because of what you've been through. You can read all that spiritual sh*t you want. It's human nature." I said: "I don't deny my past, but I also do not let it hold me back. That is the difference." He said: "your past fu*ked my mindset. And I'm highly intelligent and every one thought I was the prodigy..all my aunts, uncles, grandmas on both sides. and although I'm intelligent, popular & fun, I've never felt accepted. And that comes from your upbringing. End of story." I did not respond any further. The last text from him ^^ was at 2:16 today. I am so tired. I am so tired of hearing the same stuff about the past. We did our best, I likely gave him TOO much praise and possibly too much adoration. Gave him a big head, maybe? Because life isn't continuing that for him. Giving him praise and adoration. I made some mistakes....but I did my best. I gave him a ton of love! And attention! He was my baby. And now this. All I hear, is how horrible we were to him. He's not even sober. Not even responsible to keep a job for more than a few months at a time. Insubordinate to ppl in charge. The deli job lasted a week or 2. *sigh* Just needed to vent. Even if we COULD AFFORD it (we can't!), are we horrible for not paying his rent while he tries, at 23, to go to college? He had a safe, comfortable home with us post-HS graduation, but he ruined it by not following our rules, getting & coming home doped up, being disrespectful, rude to us in our home, keeping drugs in his room-we had to make him leave. THEN, after he was in jail from March 2012-March 2013- he lived with the grandmother until she finally kicked him out last August. He had 2yrs there, at her home. She SPOILED him. He ruined that. Because, again, being rude, disrespectful to her and not following rules and not keeping a job or going to college. Another bridge he burned. He's now feeling those losses...and trying to make everyone else feel guilty. Thanks for listening. Words of encouragement or other, welcome.