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Son might be getting kicked out of residential treatment
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 748791" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>If he is that dangerous, he has no place in your home need Little One. I had an older child that tried on MANY occasions to attempt to kill his younger sister. Or to maim/kill me so that he could get to his little sister. I know how hard what you are trying to do actually is.</p><p></p><p>It is time to get CPS involved and tell them that he cannot be at home because he is too dangerous to Little One. They WILL make noises about taking LO away instead (because you cannot keep him safe is the rationale). But really they don't want to take the difficult child because they are hard as all get out to place. I would speak to a lawyer about this. I also would fight to the death with any judge who wanted to take away my healthy, thriving child because his older sibling is violent and cannot stay in the home. Document all you have done, that the residential placement dumped him on you with NO notice after a very dangerous weekend visit, and then, advocate for your LO.</p><p></p><p>Many times, the system in place to help our difficult kids forgets or ignores the fact that our other children have rights. I shocked the daylights out of one doctor and really offended a social worker when I told them (at different times) that I would not sacrifice my younger children on the altar of their older brother's problems. Each of them thought that sending my other 2 children away to foster care would be SOOOO much better for all of us than having my older son placed in a hospital or setting that could deal with his problems. Even the social worker backed down after that. A judge she took it to for a hearing wanted to know why the state wanted my other children who did not need expensive help but refused to help the child that desperately needed out of home placement? She didn't like that question and her boss (who was also at the hearing) didn't like her attitude about the whole thing.</p><p></p><p>Foster care (would probably mean a group home) is hard to send your child off to. But you are responsible for ALL of your children, not just the difficult one. LO has a right to be safe in his own home. So do you. </p><p></p><p>If you need documentation of your difficult child's behavior (and you will at some point), start calling the police when he is dangerous to his little brother or to you. If he harms you or rages out of control, call for help from 911. Make sure you get a copy of the incident report (and that they write one up - not writing up a complaint is a crime in most states, but officers try to do it sometimes to keep things out of the system). Also insist that the treatment center send a copy of the chart for EVERY single one of his incidents, not just the 7 from the last week. ALL of them. If you can, insist on a copy of the complete chart. They may charge you per page for the copying. We had a great therapist who asked for the complete chart and then gave it to me when it arrived, as they couldn't legally charge for a copy sent to her. Often they want to send a treatment summary or other summary. You may need the complete chart. I did. I learned a LOT about the 3 months my son spent in the hospital. It is also documentation that will help if it ever comes out something untoward was done by a staff member. I didn't have this issue, but I know a parent who did have it and only learned about it after she got the complete chart.</p><p></p><p>If you can document to the court that your older son is a problem, they will likely allow you to voluntarily place him in foster care. But at some point they may threaten you with abandonment or child endangerment. This is often done to keep difficult kids at home with their parents, where they don't cost the state anything. Advocate for yourself and consult an attorney about the situation. I also had our pediatrician's support and records of EVERYTHING we had done to keep all of our kids safe. Those helped. Even if you have to go back and write up all the various things you have done and tried, it can be a big help.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 748791, member: 1233"] If he is that dangerous, he has no place in your home need Little One. I had an older child that tried on MANY occasions to attempt to kill his younger sister. Or to maim/kill me so that he could get to his little sister. I know how hard what you are trying to do actually is. It is time to get CPS involved and tell them that he cannot be at home because he is too dangerous to Little One. They WILL make noises about taking LO away instead (because you cannot keep him safe is the rationale). But really they don't want to take the difficult child because they are hard as all get out to place. I would speak to a lawyer about this. I also would fight to the death with any judge who wanted to take away my healthy, thriving child because his older sibling is violent and cannot stay in the home. Document all you have done, that the residential placement dumped him on you with NO notice after a very dangerous weekend visit, and then, advocate for your LO. Many times, the system in place to help our difficult kids forgets or ignores the fact that our other children have rights. I shocked the daylights out of one doctor and really offended a social worker when I told them (at different times) that I would not sacrifice my younger children on the altar of their older brother's problems. Each of them thought that sending my other 2 children away to foster care would be SOOOO much better for all of us than having my older son placed in a hospital or setting that could deal with his problems. Even the social worker backed down after that. A judge she took it to for a hearing wanted to know why the state wanted my other children who did not need expensive help but refused to help the child that desperately needed out of home placement? She didn't like that question and her boss (who was also at the hearing) didn't like her attitude about the whole thing. Foster care (would probably mean a group home) is hard to send your child off to. But you are responsible for ALL of your children, not just the difficult one. LO has a right to be safe in his own home. So do you. If you need documentation of your difficult child's behavior (and you will at some point), start calling the police when he is dangerous to his little brother or to you. If he harms you or rages out of control, call for help from 911. Make sure you get a copy of the incident report (and that they write one up - not writing up a complaint is a crime in most states, but officers try to do it sometimes to keep things out of the system). Also insist that the treatment center send a copy of the chart for EVERY single one of his incidents, not just the 7 from the last week. ALL of them. If you can, insist on a copy of the complete chart. They may charge you per page for the copying. We had a great therapist who asked for the complete chart and then gave it to me when it arrived, as they couldn't legally charge for a copy sent to her. Often they want to send a treatment summary or other summary. You may need the complete chart. I did. I learned a LOT about the 3 months my son spent in the hospital. It is also documentation that will help if it ever comes out something untoward was done by a staff member. I didn't have this issue, but I know a parent who did have it and only learned about it after she got the complete chart. If you can document to the court that your older son is a problem, they will likely allow you to voluntarily place him in foster care. But at some point they may threaten you with abandonment or child endangerment. This is often done to keep difficult kids at home with their parents, where they don't cost the state anything. Advocate for yourself and consult an attorney about the situation. I also had our pediatrician's support and records of EVERYTHING we had done to keep all of our kids safe. Those helped. Even if you have to go back and write up all the various things you have done and tried, it can be a big help. [/QUOTE]
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