Son relapsed

[Helpless29]

Got a text this morning from my son, he said he relapsed with a heartbroken emoji. I texted him back with so many questions, I asked if he got kicked out of the recovery home , he said there giving him another chance but that’s it .
I logged onto my Snapchat seen a message from him , had to be sent around 3 or 4am in the morning . I was in shock , he sent me a explicit video of himself. I hurried & deleted it . WHY !! I ask myself WHY , I’m his mom why would he send such a sexual video .Why would he do this again! We have had no other contact today.
I never confronted him about these things in the past , maybe he thinks it’s ok to do , I don’t know . I know it’s the drugs ,it’s not him , I don’t understand & never will . I have not told anyone ,this is my safe place to say the truth .

 

[Helpless29]

Got a text this morning from my son, he said he relapsed with a heartbroken emoji. I texted him back with so many questions, I asked if he got kicked out of the recovery home , he said there giving him another chance but that’s it .
I logged onto my Snapchat seen a message from him , had to be sent around 3 or 4am in the morning . I was in shock , he sent me a explicit video of himself. I hurried & deleted it . WHY !! I ask myself WHY , I’m his mom why would he send such a sexual video .Why would he do this again! We have had no other contact today.
I never confronted him about these things in the past , maybe he thinks it’s ok to do , I don’t know . I know it’s the drugs ,it’s not him , I don’t understand & never will . I have not told anyone ,this is my safe place to say the truth .

When I say safe place, I’m not scared of him, he’s far away , I’m scared to open up to friends or family because they would never understand.

 

[Crayola13]

I’m so sorry. Have you talked to a therapist or counselor, just to get this off your chest? It might help. A counselor won’t judge you or flip out at things you tell them. It’s important to have someone to confide in. Sometimes a stranger is easier to tell these things to.

 

[BusynMember1]

Hi helpless. I am in NarAnon. Calm down.

He relapsed because addicts are addicted and sick and it's usually not ine abd done. We want it to be, but if it weren't a serious disease, we wouldn't hear about what a big problem it is all over the country. We could just give them something to make it go away.

Your son made a choice but it is very hard to stay clean. He needed his stuff and gave in, as addicts everywhere do every day. They quit too but that's a long lifetime process.

In NarAnon you would be told that his addiction is not your business. You have no way to stop it and it's all on him. Getting crazy and insane yourself won't help him and will drive you insane. That's where everyone is the first Nar Anon meeting. They tend to calm down fast after coming. Zoom meetings are common now...I recommend NarAnon. You can find Zoom meetings on the internet.

I am very sorry. Sending prayers.

 

[BusynMember1]

I'm so sorry about my phone's typos. I meant we wish it would be one and done after rehab. However that is very rare. So we, as parents, eventually learn how to let it play out and see that we can not really help or fix them. We have no control over anyone else, not even our kids. It's hard to accept.

Also your son knows using drugs is a bad idea. No need to tell him. We mostly need to help ourselves. In Nar Anon our go to is to accept what we can't change and give our loved one to our Higher Power. We also try not to bail our kids out of trouble. We learn that our help doesn't help. These principles do work for my husband and me. Therapy is helpful too. We did both Nar Anon and therapy and saved our family.

In Nar Anon we don't judge anyone even if they struggle or enable. We quietly allow everyone to speak and never scold or tell others what we should do.

My particular meeting is awesome. Its thurs at 6:30 on Zoom and anyone interested can send me a message here. There are many other meetings but ours is rather small...about 10 of us.

Blessings.

 

[Copabanana]

Hi helpless

I am sorry. I agree with what busy wrote.

I don’t know what to tell you about the explicit video. I think it is very harmful to you to keep this to yourself. He is victimizing and traumatizing you. He is degrading you and disrespecting you. I think allowing this is harmful to you and him. And concealing this from your husband is dicey too. Your son may have the idea you like what he is doing. Your husband if he found out might wonder why you concealed this. This is happening. It is real. It is wrong. I think it needs to be confronted. Maybe even to be spoken about to your sons program. It is part of his recovery like any drug fueled behavior, crime or degradation.

You matter helpless.

 

[Nandina]

Hi Helpless, I’m so sorry for this setback. Good for your son for getting back on track so quickly.

And I have to agree with Copa, your son should not be allowed to traumatize you like this when he is under the influence. It’s not helping you to keep it secret. Please speak to a counselor about it. And I don’t think it’s a good idea to keep it from your husband or your son’s caregivers either. How will your son ever be able to address this behavior if you or someone doesn’t confront him with it? As inappropriate as it is to send those images to his mother, is he possibly doing it to others as well? He needs to deal with it as a part of his recovery.

Please consider discussing it with those who need to know. If you don’t address it, it will continue to create stress and anxiety in your mind and leave a very uncomfortable cloud over your relationship with your son.

Sending hugs

 

[BusynMember1]

Hi. I did not realize you did not reject the video. Thought you were talking about the drug relapse. I would definitely myself have set a strong boundary on the video.

Take care and hugs.

 

[Helpless29]

Hi. I did not realize you did not reject the video. Thought you were talking about the drug relapse. I would definitely myself have set a strong boundary on the video.

Take care and hugs.

I wasn’t able to reject it , it came up as a message & when I opened it , it was the video , I deleted right away , I did not watch the whole thing,when I seen the first image
after I opened it , I was horrified & disgusted & deleted it.