My 18 yr old son has been smoking weed. We have caught him a few times. We have been all over him, tossing his room, going through his car, even testing him. Now he was suspended from school, a bag with residue was found in his car. This is a good kid good grades, athlete. He is looking forward to going to college. Although this is a terrible situation I'm glad it has happened. I'm hoping this is what it takes to make him realize this is a serious problem. I'm concerned that he has been very depressed the last few days. I'm having a hard time finding a balance between disicpline and support. He is upset yet angry.
Son smoking wed
- Thread starter Myboys
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exhausted
Active Member
My daughter is a pot user. I take it seriously. It causes her to be lazy. She has lost most of her ambition. Super smart kid but truelly troubled
with mental health issues for which she refuses treatment at this time. She now works and smokes pot. She cooks once in awhile. What aboring life.
your son is using for some reason. I would seek some help. Pot isnt always a gateway drug but it can be and it is psychologically addictive at the very
Least. Hang in there.
with mental health issues for which she refuses treatment at this time. She now works and smokes pot. She cooks once in awhile. What aboring life.
your son is using for some reason. I would seek some help. Pot isnt always a gateway drug but it can be and it is psychologically addictive at the very
Least. Hang in there.
toughlovin
Well-Known Member
It is always hard to find a balance. Pot can be serious problem for some kids, it is also true that a lot of kids smoke pot as a social thing and it does not become a problem for them. Certainly the fact that your son was suspended is a red flag but given that he is basically a good kid, a good student and an athlete he has alot going for him.
So this is my unsolicited advice.... focus on his behaviors not on the fact that he is or is not smoking pot. I think focusing on the pot smoking (given that he is 18) will only lead to a difficult relationship between you. You want to do the best you can to keep a good relationship with him, but at the same time not condoning his drug use in any way. It is a hard balance to be sure. I dont think you want to have to act like the police on this issue.... certainly though if he using your car you may want to limit that as it is pretty darned dangerous to smoke pot and drive.
So I would keep watching how he is managing the rest of his life and go from there... if his grades start dropping, if he loses all motivation, if he stops taking care of his personal hygeine, if he starts hanging out with different and less savory friends then pay attention and address those issues. All of those things are likely to happen if he is getting into serious pot use, and less likely if he is just smoking it once in a while as a social thing.
TL
So this is my unsolicited advice.... focus on his behaviors not on the fact that he is or is not smoking pot. I think focusing on the pot smoking (given that he is 18) will only lead to a difficult relationship between you. You want to do the best you can to keep a good relationship with him, but at the same time not condoning his drug use in any way. It is a hard balance to be sure. I dont think you want to have to act like the police on this issue.... certainly though if he using your car you may want to limit that as it is pretty darned dangerous to smoke pot and drive.
So I would keep watching how he is managing the rest of his life and go from there... if his grades start dropping, if he loses all motivation, if he stops taking care of his personal hygeine, if he starts hanging out with different and less savory friends then pay attention and address those issues. All of those things are likely to happen if he is getting into serious pot use, and less likely if he is just smoking it once in a while as a social thing.
TL
DDD
Well-Known Member
It's a complicated balancing act as most of us know. So often society pictures the pot using teenager as a loser, stupid, unpopular etc.etc. Many of us know from our kids that the pot smoker may be highly intelligent, successful in sports and in society BUT making a poor choice. Having been suspended from school (how long, by the way?) means he now has to figure out what he really wants to be..this year and in the future. The public humiliation often turns into a negative influence as the teen can no longer feel like a winner. With our son, in fact, some parents literally forbade their kids from being in his presence except as needed in the classroom. I hope he is able to "dig deep" and get through this in a positive way. I'm sending supportive and caring thoughts his way...and yours. DDD
Myboys, welcome to our board and I'm glad you found us. You will find some very compassionate and strong moms here who understand and care about each other.
I am one whose daughter found pot to be the beginning of some very serious trouble, pot and alcohol. It began at age 14 and continues today. I hate pot and what it can do to a young person and don't believe for a minute that it is not dangerous or does not lead to other more destructive substances. In the other hand I also know many young people who smoke pot and do perfectly fine in life. But for my daughter that is not possible.
It's important to know if your son is managing other parts of his life well, are his grades good, does he have positive friends in his life, are his relationships with people suffering, does he have a job and does it interfere with his working? If it does then he may be one that becomes addicted to substnaces that alter your mind and therefore it is a serious situation.
Tell us a little more about when this started and what other behaviors concern you.
Nancy
I am one whose daughter found pot to be the beginning of some very serious trouble, pot and alcohol. It began at age 14 and continues today. I hate pot and what it can do to a young person and don't believe for a minute that it is not dangerous or does not lead to other more destructive substances. In the other hand I also know many young people who smoke pot and do perfectly fine in life. But for my daughter that is not possible.
It's important to know if your son is managing other parts of his life well, are his grades good, does he have positive friends in his life, are his relationships with people suffering, does he have a job and does it interfere with his working? If it does then he may be one that becomes addicted to substnaces that alter your mind and therefore it is a serious situation.
Tell us a little more about when this started and what other behaviors concern you.
Nancy
Myboys, welcome to our little corner of the CD board. I'm sorry that you had to find us but glad that you did.
My take is a little different than the others. I think your son is beyond occasional recreational use if he is bringing it to school even after he knew how upset you were by finding out that he was smoking pot.
Hopefully, he will use this experience to realize that illegal drug use can lead to bad consequences. If he keeps using after this, you will know that he has a serious problem.
~Kathy
My take is a little different than the others. I think your son is beyond occasional recreational use if he is bringing it to school even after he knew how upset you were by finding out that he was smoking pot.
Hopefully, he will use this experience to realize that illegal drug use can lead to bad consequences. If he keeps using after this, you will know that he has a serious problem.
~Kathy
Thanks for your replies. To answer some questions, suspended 8 days, with Feb. vacation in between (this means home for almost 3weeks). Torture for him, he is used to being very busy. He does not work during the school year as he has always been a 3 sport athlete (works full time during the summer). Can't participate in sports while suspended and rules state he will miss first 25% of baseball season (baseball is his passion). Coach is devestated (he has disappointed many people who care for him). I am going to seek counseling for him, to help him work through this. He is crushed and seems depressed although I'm not sure if it's because of what he has done or the fact that he was caught!! I am leaning toward the fact that it is more than recreational use.He said he knew it would have to stop at some point, but it was a nice escape! Escape from what? He won't share with me or anyone in the family.
rejectedmom
New Member
I am so sorry that your son decided to use an illegal substance and take it onto school property. I am one of the parents here who have watched their child throw away some of the best parts of his life for drugs and alcohol. And while I feel your pain (and his) at the consequences he has brought upon himself, his teams and his family; I will not condone the use of illegal substances. I think if parents and schools look the other way when an indivitual breaks the law it is signaling to them that it is somehow ok to choose which laws to obey. While the consequences of this act are unfortunate for your son and others, I think that it is a good opportunity for him to learn that breaking laws and rules can lead to very serious consequences.
In my kids HS the police were called every time drugs were found and the students were prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. I believe that was too harsh for someone who was not selling and a fist offender. I think that harsh policy did set many kids up for harder times in the future due to criminal records and labeling. I therefore think that your son's consequence of an 8 day suspension is a good one. There is no legal record and he has the opportunity to start over with a fresh slate at the end of his suspension and earn back people's trust through compliance to the rules and a good attitude. Add in your desire to get him counseling to deal with his stressors and I think all is being handled very appropriately with the possiblility of a good outcome being far greater than if he was handled too harshly. -RM
In my kids HS the police were called every time drugs were found and the students were prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. I believe that was too harsh for someone who was not selling and a fist offender. I think that harsh policy did set many kids up for harder times in the future due to criminal records and labeling. I therefore think that your son's consequence of an 8 day suspension is a good one. There is no legal record and he has the opportunity to start over with a fresh slate at the end of his suspension and earn back people's trust through compliance to the rules and a good attitude. Add in your desire to get him counseling to deal with his stressors and I think all is being handled very appropriately with the possiblility of a good outcome being far greater than if he was handled too harshly. -RM
