Son so angry and lying about school work

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kjs, May 16, 2009.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    He had psychiatrist appointment on Thursday. He asked the psychiatrist if he will feel like this forever (feeling outside of body)

    On the way home he said that he doesn't get it. All the kids do drugs to feel the way he feels everyday, and he would do anything to just feel normal.

    A bit later he was really upset. Said nobody will hang out with him because he doesn't do drugs.

    His MySpace read "if you don't like someone tell them, don't let them think you are their friend"

    Later he said everyone said he is annoying and stupid. He is their last resort.

    More and more he is hiding in his room and not coming out. Not going anywhere, not talking to anyone and not doing things he use to.

    I made him walk with me which was a mistake cause it turned into an argument and he left.

    Neighbor boy who seems to be popular at school (same school) ...drug kid. Now drug kid has been drinking and doing drugs for atleast the past year. But drug kid's mom thinks he is an angel. drug kids older brother drives them to school. drug kid got arrested last week for possession of pot. Told difficult child how "cool" the cops were. He was finger printed and had his picture taken.

    drug kids mom has bff a few houses away. We use to all be real close, but I haven't seen other in a while. Other has a son that is a senior also at a different school. easy child use to babysit him, he use to babysit difficult child.

    He stopped by the other day. Was talking to difficult child. When I went for a walk he stopped me and said if difficult child ever needs help in high school to call him. I have been really upset, I looked at him and said does drugs and nobody will hang out with him because He doesn't. Even XXX was arrested last week.

    Well - apparently good kid told his mom who told drug kids mom. Went to school the next day and drug kid said some nasty things to difficult child. Told him he needs to learn to keep his mouth shut. Now difficult child has NO friends because drug kid told EVERYONE. difficult child said he is so mad at him he won't even look at him. All of the friends revolve around drug kid. difficult child wanted to go to someones house last night, but drug kid was stopping by. difficult child said no he didn't want to go. Now this is the first time he showed any interest in doing anything lately. I feel so bad. Now what?

    I just don't get it. drug kid gets in no trouble. Has been caught being so drunk and throwing up at a school function, at home...was caught smoking pot by mom a few weeks ago, now arrested at school and yet that very same day gets to go out with friends.

    Do I do anything? Do I do nothing? Do I just sit here and watch difficult child get more and more depressed? He refuses to do anything and go anywhere.
    I am scared.

    He decided at the last minute last night to go to a show(concert with bands). He went alone. I dropped him off and told him to call whenever he was ready to leave.

    He has anxiety to say the least. He texted both me and husband and asked if it was storming and if the storms were coming. I didn't know he texted husband, vice versa. I replied that the storms stayed south and missed us. husband replied only rain...I was upset because I never get to do anything with difficult child. Not even bring him or pick him up. These things may seem like nothing but it is important to me because I don't ever have the change to do it. I brought him. Then was in my room watching TV and husband comes in and said he called difficult child about when to pick him up and difficult child said he is leaving to get him. I did reply, "I was going to pick up". husband said, oh, go ahead. What's the use now. I wanted difficult child to call me, to let me know. He didn't have the chance. husband called him. I was hiding out in my room because I tried sitting in the same room with husband, but he said nothing to me in an hour. I can't stand it. So I went in my room to watch TV.

    School is almost over, and as much as I hate school, I dread this summer. He is hiding in his room. Has no friends. The only kids he sees are at school. As much as he hates it one of the teachers say he is really in a good mood at school and kids all like him. So, what will happen in 16 more school days? No more contact with the outside world? Complete isolation?

    difficult child also said that kids bug him to buy his xanax and adderall and to steal his dads vicodin. He said they bug him every day. I told him to tell the kids you don't HAVE them.

    difficult child said drugs(pills) are SO popular at school that he could take a capsule, empty it out and fill it with anything, salt, sand....and sell it and he can guarantee about 100 people would want it. Sad. These kids don't even know what they are getting.

    I am so sad to see difficult child like this. And so angry that he lies about school work. And so angry with husband that he puts it all on me even after I begged him over and over to check school work.

    difficult child did his homework the other night. After he left for his room I asked husband to ask him if he did his missing worksheet. husband said, he did his homework. I said ask about worksheet. He asked, and difficult child said, "oh, no I didn't". ????? I can tell husband every single day for the past 8 years and STILL get the same response. HELLO...
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Can you arrange for the other boy who is a senior to spend time with your son this summer? Can your son get some type of a job this summer? Paper route? Dog sitting? Lawn care for neighbors?

    I don't know how to help with a drug infested school. It is so hard for your difficult child to really feel and know he is doing the right thing by staying clear of this activity when everyone else is so into it. I am very proud of him but as you also feel, I think it will get more difficult for him every year to stand up to this crowd. Drug kid is so threatened that someone is standing up for what is right that he will go out of his way to tear difficult child down.

    Yes, it does not help when parents of kids who get caught doing drugs and alcohol do not seem to care. My diva's friend got arrested for drinking and giving alcohol to minors on her 16th birthday. What did her mom do? Day after she gets released takes her to Dept of Motor Vehicles to purchase her drivers liscense for her! Unbelievable! Kid gets drunk so you hand her a car and car keys! With parents like that, the world is doomed for sure.

    We have compared our kids and it seems like my difficult child is cut from the same cookie cutter as yours (maybe the fate of women born 04/18/62 who have sons?). Anything that you find to work for your son, I am so interested in. I may just need it as my son reaches your son's age.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Gosh, that school sounds awful. I am so sorry.
    I would help your difficult child get a summer job, or join a small local pool or both.
    Keep him busy!
    It's great that he's so open with-you, telling you all those things.
  4. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Such a hard battle. I have no idea how to even begin to fight this. I also think a summer job or volunteering could be good he might even meet some friends.
  5. ML

    ML Guest

    I'm relieved to hear difficult child is adamant about not using. That is so cool. This is a worry I'm not ready for yet. It will matter a lot who manster hangs with as he's pretty easily influenced. I hope your difficult child finds something to make a difference this summer. A job, a new friend, something. Thinking of you. ML
  6. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    difficult child asked to get a job at Culvers. Some of his friends(girls) work there. But difficult child plays baseball. It hasn't started yet. Tuesday is the first game. Same kids, same team since he has been 8. In a way it is bad, because he always gets the same position, outfield. He hates it out there. But coach has told him and us over and over, he is the only one that can field a ball. He can throw from the fence to the infield with no cut off person. And he also knows where he should throw it. When he was younger many balls never got hit out there. As he gets older there will be more.

    When he plays fall ball - he is on a different team. Then he plays a base and he likes that.

    this coach also knows him and his "moods" and "quirks". He deals with him really well.

    He started off on a different team last year, then my mother died. When we got back to town that coach chewed him out for missing practice and kicked him off the team!!! This coach took him.

    As for the school - there are more drugs at the district school a block away. That is where most of the kids are. Heck - drugs are all over town. A 17year old girl from the district school died two saturdays ago. Took a pill someone gave her at a party and just never woke up.

    drug kid isn't going to this school next year. Couldn't make the grade. And he hates it.

    Had a better day yesterday. see post...panic attack
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I doubt drugs are as bad as you think but they are everywhere these days just like they have always been. I dont think they have really increased to "everyone is doing drugs". It may just seem that way because he feels like he is on the outside looking in. If you feel like you have no friends it is easy to point to something like drugs as the reason for it. I really doubt all the boys on his baseball team use drugs, all the kids at his new tech school use drugs, all the kids he could find at say a church teen youth group would be using drugs, or some other place that would be fun. He just needs to widen his horizens. Maybe join some clubs or volunteer activities. Go to a summer camp. Some summer camps through rec centers use teens as counselors.
  8. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    Drugs are everywhere. The cheerleaders, the girls he hung out with that were on the baseball team. When you have teachers telling you what the pills go for, that is pretty bad. Pot has always been around. But not the pills as they are today.

    As for his baseball team. No, probably not all doing drugs. I bet half.
    Volunteer - hah...He won't even pickup dirty clothes.
    Friends - He IS a difficult child. Getting a friend and keeping a friend is the tough part. He is outgoing, smart, charming....but a difficult child. He doesn't like or get along with a lot of people. Hates everyone on his baseball team. (his words) He says because hey say things to him in the dug out. Do they?? maybe, but because he is a difficult child he takes these things different than a normal child. Maybe just saying everyday things. If directed at him...he does not take it that way. What do I do? I can't make him like kids.
    I can only monitor him when he does choose friends.

    Like I said, I live a block from the district school of 2500. I SEE them all smoke. I SEE them lighting up a BONG as they walk down the street. Luckily I am a one block side street that does not get the traffic. If I am out riding by or walking the dog...I SEE them.

    At night when I am out walking the dog, groups of kids congregate in the parks, beach, pool area and smoke and drink. If I can see it where is the authority?

    Yes - drugs are all over. It is unbelievable. difficult child could sell his entire prescription of adderall and xanax and husband's vicodin in 1/2 day. I have no doubt. And he could do this by noon.

    I didn't think this way when easy child was younger. I ask him now and he says he hated school and only had 3 friends. He said they were the ONLY 3 that didn't do drugs and drink.

    Because difficult child is a difficult child - having a friend is the difficult part. The part that would make all the difference in the world.

    Heck - my neighbor gets high. For the past 15 years everyday. Now that the kids have found it - did she quit? NO, just moved her hiding spot.
    And she WORKS in the office at school. She smokes in front of me.

    This whole subject gets me so upset. I SEE this. And because of this difficult child has no friends? Then people don't believe it is really a problem?
  9. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    KJS, when I was in school drugs WERE bad. I really think he may be exaggerating a little bit, but I am sure they are bad, they were bad, and they will always be bad. We used to do those same things, light up bongs as we were walking down the street, eat magic brownies IN class while the teacher was talking, and my group was not into pills but we were aware of them.

    When I was first in high school it was worse, it was legal for underage kids to smoke or chew here, they just weren't supposed to buy it. When I was sophomore or junior they outlawed tobacco for minors and started giving out MIPT's. Alcohol, huh, that was pretty easy to get too. Many people knew over age people who would buy for minors as long as the minor paid them.

    Sorry, but I am really thinking Janet is right here. I think that his anxiety is blowing this out of proportion. Sometimes it is all about what you concentrate on.

    I also wonder how many of these druggy kids really do all the drugs they say? Kids will say anything to look cool.

    This is all from my experiences, about 20 yrs ago on the west coast. These things do vary from area to area.
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well when I was young it was legal for kids to buy cigarettes! We had a smoking area in HS! The cops used to bring in a van with a peephole with a camera to catch us smoking Like we were dumb enough to smoke a joint where that stupid van was...duh!

    I didnt know kids even used bongs anymore. Its gotten so hard to sell things like that these days. Gone are the nice paraphernalia stores. Around here it is mostly blunts.
  11. Sunlighthealer

    Sunlighthealer Stressed New Member

    Drugs are pretty rampant here in Southern Ca. I am often amazed how often I hear about people being busted for drugs. And all the schools have a zero tolerance policy. Not only if you have something on you, but if you are wearing clothes or anything that even suggests it, you can get suspended from school. All necessary drugs have to go thru the school nurse. I do think it is wonderful that your son doesn't want to have anything to do with it, and I can only hope that he can spend more time with this boy from the other school. Maybe that would help. Good luck, I hope things get better.