Son stayed out all night Husband did nothing

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Littleboylost, Jul 30, 2017.

  1. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    D.C. Has not been home since Friday. He has permission to stay over st a Friends on Friday. Didn't come home Saturday and stayed out all night. He is probably at his GFs as her family went on vacation without her (I can understand why). I asked husband what we were going to do about this...his answer was I don't know and he went to bed. It is a good thing one of us could sleep. I am sick of not being supported and I am sick of this bad behavior from D.C.
     
  2. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    I am so sorry, LBL. I know very well how difficult it is when your co-parent is not on the same page.

    I agree that something needs to be done about your son.

    Can you alert his girlfriend's parents that he is staying overnight in their home when they are out of town? Or at least that you suspect this could be happening.

    Since you don't know his whereabouts a missing persons report might also be a possibility especially if he stays gone today, this could involve the authorities and get the ball rolling there.

    Hugs to you. Stay strong!
     
  3. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    In my state a 17 year old has a great many adult freedoms and few legal liabilities. Parents are still liable for the actions of the 17 year old, but really don't have much of a leg to stand on to force the kid to comply with house rules.
     
  4. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    In my state, I could report as a runaway... The worst thing that could happen is when they return home, or picked up by police, is that they will have an "intake" interview, drug tested, and maybe some follow up by court system...

    Depending what drugs are involved, it might be helpful...

    Ksm
     
  5. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I am done with the headaches of calling the authority's just makes work for me. His GFs parents are well aware of their bad behavior. We have told each Difficult Child They are not well suited for each other. They wallow in drama togeather. The parents are not super open. They don't mind their daughter well at all. Honestly I can't say that I blame them. She is a project herself. Anorexic, cutter,drug abuse,depression. Two weeks ago she split up with him, she began texting me that my son was harrasing her with 100s of phone calls and texts. I sent her parents a message saying if he continues to call the police. We talked sense into him and when he stopped she began messaging him (eyeroll). He has snuck her into the house after we have been asleep we have put a hard stop on that. They don't seem to care where she is. Probably happy that she is not home causing drama.
     
  6. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    100% the same but he has signed a living agreement. I have told him comply or get out. I M ready to cut Jim loose. I don't care if the law says 18. He can go to CAS and I will give up parental rights. He will be 18 in Oct and that is the age on emancipation here in my part of Canada.
     
  7. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Ksm I hear you sadly he is well known to the police. They won't care to enact they will take down the informsiron and based on past behavior and the fact that he is over 16 they won't act. Kid can leave at 16 but you can't mke them leave until they are 18. I want to just lock him out for good I am so done.
     
  8. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I just had a very strong conversation with my husband. His lack of commitment to decisions regarding DCs behavior and a united plan of action are not acceptable. It causes too much distress for me. He makes a commitment to a palm of action in front of our therapist and then renegs, he does not support me enough when D.C acts out. If we are going to survive this crisis together he has to step up his commitment to me and a plan for D.C. Enough is enough. I wish I could just tune him out and go for bike rides with my friends go to work and ignore Difficult Child all together. I am the one who can't sleep who follow up on D.C. And lays down the law. I a tire of doing this alone.
     
  9. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    So I am frustrated with the harm reduction and CRAFT method. I have downloaded a site from a FB group I belong to.
    Natural Consequences - Allowing Them to Happen - The 20 Minute Guide
    This is based on the CRAFT method. No where in there does it state that along them to leave is the wrong thing to do.
    We get mixed messages and different advice from different resources. I find this the most frustrating. Well comes a time when enough is enough and the natural consequence will be you don't get to love st home with us any more.
    Reading this guide reminded me of communication textixs that help focus on positive behavior and narural outcomes. I am not texting scolding or bothering with my son any more. He will face the consequences of his actions.
    I have told him this week that he must wake himself up for work. I am not waking him up any more. If he sleeps in and misses work too bad.
    If he continues to break the rules he will be asked to leave. My husband has to get on the same page.
     
  10. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    Stop everything your doing for him. Let your hubby deal with everything. Go make a life for yourself. Detach is what im saying. And let Difficult Child and hubby deal with all the consequences of Difficult Child actions. Your beating a dead horse.
     
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  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I was also thinking...let hubby deal with him, not you.
     
  12. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I wish they would drug test. The youth can decline
     
  13. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Son came home in a clean and sober state. I spoke to him about respecting the rules of the house. I explained he had to get himself up for work. He was up for work. He has been relying on this character for a ride and the guy is highly unreliable. I told Difficult Child to stop relying on this guy and make other arrangements. I also told him. I don't mind giving him a lift to the office (they drive them to and from the job sites from there) as the bus does not run up that way. He say oh no D is giving me a ride. 6:30 he wakes me and says D bailed on him again. I gave him a lift. I told him great job getting up and getting ready. What will it take for him to realize this D is unreliable. The guy is 25 lives at home with his parents and can't drive because he has a number of DUI charges. He leaves his parents on the weekend and is never available with a lift to work consistently. I know this may be a cry for teen independence and that he might not want his mommy to drive him to work but a reliable ride is better than no ride.
     
  14. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Not a fun spot you are in that's for sure.

    I do hope that you see the therapist soon and both agree on a plan of action.

    I let my husband take over with our son even though I'd always been way closer to him. Maybe too close? That seems to work better. They are becoming men so need the male influence. Mommy time is over.