Son suspended from school today

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by zachieandameliasmom, Dec 9, 2008.

  1. zachieandameliasmom

    zachieandameliasmom New Member

    UGHHH I don't know what to do anymore. I give up. He hasn't been having trouble lately (or that I am aware of anyway). He was in a decent mood this morning. I was off so was home for a change. I get to school to pick up daughter to take her to dance. I see him coming out of the office. I go over there and say what happened. Said he was in trouble. I said for what. He said his usual reply of I don't know. I see a sealed envelope in his hand and my heart sank. He's been suspended in Sept so I recognized the envelope. He goes off to class to get his backpack. I open letter and it is a letter of proposed suspension. Says we are to attend a meeting on Dec 16th. He can't come to school until said meeting. What am I going to do with-him until then? I've missed a lot of work this year because my husband has had 2 back surgeries since May. difficult child had a T&A in Sept. I can't miss anymore. I don't know what to do. The letter said that the infraction was obscene language. No other details were given. The school called my husband and told them that he was behaving inappropriately in the cafeteria. The principal was busy and couldn't talk. ????? That was it.

    difficult child has an IEP. Guess that doesn't exempt him from being suspended. At his IEP meeting a month ago they suggested trying to get him into a day school that is in conjunction with-the public school system. The problem there is they only accept 12 kids at a time and he has to be accepted to it also. I haven't heard anything about it. So, not sure if he was accepted or not. I'm sure it's full. So you have to wait for an opening, but again not even sure if he's been accepted.

    He was put on vyvanse last month as well. It didn't seem to make a difference. If anything it takes longer to kick in from what I've seen.

    I just feel like the school doesn't care about my child or my family. I am just over it all. Want to run away.

    Thanks for listening. I am at a loss as to what to do next.

    ETA: This time of year every year is when he does a nose dive behavior wise. I really don't know what the deal is. but from Halloween on he freaks out. I really have my thoughts that he is BiPolar (BP). Psychiatrist won't say so. I tell him about the behavior nose dive every year and he just sits there looking at me. He was suspended this same week last year. He got into a fight in PE and wouldn't go to time out like the PE teacher said. Was taken to the office to see principal and wouldn't talk to him. Was suspended for disrespectful behavior....see the trend.
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2008
  2. Nancy423

    Nancy423 do I have to be the mom?

    suspended for obscene language? that's a new one for me....

    I'd call the principal tomorrow first thing and get the full story. Then I'd find another psychiatrist! Get a second opinion!
  3. Wishing

    Wishing New Member

    I'm surprised they didn't do in school suspension. It seems pretty strong for language and disrespect.
  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I am so sorry. I believe you will find in reading other threads that this season is difficult for many of our kids. I think it is because of the "hustle and bustle" of the holidays. Kids around them in school are talking top speed about what Christmas brings to their home. It really is a lot to take in and process. More shoppers, upbeat holiday music in the stores people in "stress" mode to find that just right gift, etc. We know it can get to be much for us some days, it is even more for difficult children.

    I know others will be along soon with great advise for the suspension. I don't have experience in this but I do know that many schools have In-School suspension. Is that a possibility?

    I also don't like that suspension is so quick and fast for lunch room activity. There should be a warning period or steps leading up to the suspension. I would think being pulled from the lunch room would be first.

    Ask your school for a written suspension or discipline policy. In our school, there are steps. I don't remember exactly but suspension would not be the first step. I also don't think a suspension should be called upon without first meeting with the parents and putting them on notice that the next time this issue arises there will be a suspension.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I think that's way too harsh for the infractions. Has this child ever seen a neuropsychologist for a complete evaluation? Has he gotten worse since on Zoloft? Do you feel the doctor he is seeing is giving you the entire picture? I personally like NeuroPsychs more than Psychiatrists for diagnostic purposes.
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I would definitely be on the phone-that is a really long suspension for obscene language. After 10 days of school suspension in a year they have to do a manifestation determination (I think it's 10 days). If they find his disability is related to the suspensions I don't believe he can be suspended again-double check this info in the Special Education forum.
  7. maril

    maril New Member

    My difficult child was suspended last Friday because he lost control of his mouth and used profanity directed toward the principal. That is a first and hopefully the last.

    So, the letter you received stated proposed suspension with a meeting to discuss on the 16th, and no justification was given as to why he cannot return until then? That sounds very unusual.

    What do you think of the day school? Are you comfortable with it?

    I also wonder about a possible missed diagnosis in my son because of his behavior; have bipolar disorder in our family history. I've mentioned it more than once to his psychiatrist in the past; sounds like we'll be looking further into things at difficult children next appointment because I have been pushing the subject. psychiatrist also agreed to let me stop his stimulant and antidepressant.

    Hugs and best wishes to you.
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2008
  8. dadside

    dadside New Member

    Without knowing a lot more .. history, problems, what the school has genuinely done or tried, etc etc (which may not change my thoughts anyway) .. it seems the school is WAY overreacting. And, if what he did is a "manifestation" of one of his problems, their ability to suspend him is limited. It is already evident that something is wrong when the school says he can't come to school for a week until they can meet to consider suspending him! He can't come to school for a week, but they have not yet determined "punishment" for using bad language?!!!

    The other advice you've already been given merits follow-up. To that I'd only add that you'd probably benefit from an education advocate helping you get your difficult child what he is entitled to from the school. In many areas you might get a volunteer (= no fee) advocate. One place to check is your state's Parent Training & Information Center -- a quick web search should identify it.
  9. zachieandameliasmom

    zachieandameliasmom New Member

    Thanks for all the replies. I appreciate all the support. I need it right now for sure.

    I was told they don't do in school suspension at our school. guess it's up to the principal. Last year when I questioned them about him being suspended for some assinine reason I was basically told oh well it's up to the principal's discretion as to what punishment is doled out.

    I don't like that he was immediately sent to the office. It states in his IEP that he is to be sent to the resource room when he is misbehaving. He is listed as emotionally disturbed at school. I also feel like the principal and the school for that matter just don't want to deal with-my child.

    We used to have a special education action committee here, but it closed down due to funding issues. I tried to contact them earlier this year. So, not sure who to contact to help me out.

    I'm really at a loss as to how to get through the rest of the year.... Then next year is middle school. His sp ed teacher this year pretty much told me that she is worried what will happen to him at middle school. She's afraid for his safety. She said she's worried he'll mouth off to the wrong person and they'll beat him up. Grreeaattt. She also said they don't like sending the kids to the resource room in middle school. They do have in school suspension. She made me feel like he'd be spending a lot of time there. UGHHH What kind of education is that? He's very bright and I hate to see him wasting his brain like this.
  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    They should not be violating his IEP. I think at this point I would send a letter questioning why his iep wasn't followed and request an iep meeting. It is actually written in my son's IEP that he can only be suspended for level 4 offenses (he can receive iss but not out of school unless it's a level 4). I would send a cc to the superintendent of schools and if there is a Special Education director I'd cc that person as well.