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Son temporarily staying at my house
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<blockquote data-quote="PennyFromTheBlock" data-source="post: 676583" data-attributes="member: 18271"><p>Thanks for the replies- it is so frustrating to me- and this is how I know this WILL be temporary- because I don't WANT to do this- and my discomfort will facilitate action.</p><p></p><p>I told him Monday that he has enough for a small apartment out of one check and his child support out of the other. I also have to hope that with the responsibility of rent he will be forced to keep his MOUTH SHUT on the job.</p><p></p><p>I had to explain AGAIN to him Monday night (I'm out of town this week for work) -not just because it's what grown ups do (work, pay bills, support themselves) but NOW THAT HE HAS A CHILD- he MUST get it together. That I know that *I* (as have many if not most adults at some point or another) wanted to talk crazy at work and quit or do something stupid to get fired, but that when there are kids and bills- you learn to bite your tongue and either deal with it, or deal with it until you find another job.</p><p></p><p>I also reiterated that if anything HAPPENED to his job while he is temporarily staying with me, he WON'T be temporarily staying with me- because my days of supporting an unemployed adult are OVER.</p><p></p><p>I thought of you all during our conversation Monday when I told him - again - that some of the consequences he has right now (my distrust of him, for one) are the direct result of CHOICES HE willingly made. You all taught me that- to say it OVER AND OVER AND OVER again- not just for his benefit, but for mine too.</p><p></p><p>While I do still sit and wonder "where did I go wrong?" - MOST of the time I sit and tell myself that I didn't do anything 'wrong'. I may not have been perfect as a parent, and may have tried to overcompensate for things that put us in this position to some degree- but I KNOW that I tried to teach them BOTH the right things. I have to remind myself that if it were ME then my daughter would be just like him and she is not. I never taught them to sit and do nothing, to steal, to lie, to argue, scream, and yell ALL THE TIME. I took him to counseling, I took MYSELF to counseling to LEARN how to deal with him way back....I TRIED. </p><p></p><p>This charge he has scares me. We've been fortunate to this point in not having him involved in the criminal justice system. I see too many instances where young men get caught up in that system which can further prevent success (harder to find a job, probation fees, etc). I am the one that called the police that night that precipitated these charges (that he and the exgirlfriend BOTH have) - but I had to. I thought she was going to stab my son. She's got her own issues, and I'm NOT at all trying to make him pure as snow and her as red as the devil- but she had to have over exaggerated something- otherwise he would have been arrested if not that same night, at least the day he had to go talk to the detective (in October). My fear is they didn't know who did what, so they charged them both and are going to let the system figure it out. That does scare me. But I know it's not my battle to fight- and the ONLY silver lining in this (if there is one) is that if they BOTH end up having to go to jail (I have no idea?)- then maybe that will be what gets the baby placed with me. I have a plan in place IN THE EVENT this were to happen. </p><p></p><p>My ultimate goal is to ensure - in whatever way I can - that my sweet grandson is ok. They will RUIN him. He's just a baby. I don't want him to be used to chaos...because then he will live in chaos.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for listening.</p><p></p><p><img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="PennyFromTheBlock, post: 676583, member: 18271"] Thanks for the replies- it is so frustrating to me- and this is how I know this WILL be temporary- because I don't WANT to do this- and my discomfort will facilitate action. I told him Monday that he has enough for a small apartment out of one check and his child support out of the other. I also have to hope that with the responsibility of rent he will be forced to keep his MOUTH SHUT on the job. I had to explain AGAIN to him Monday night (I'm out of town this week for work) -not just because it's what grown ups do (work, pay bills, support themselves) but NOW THAT HE HAS A CHILD- he MUST get it together. That I know that *I* (as have many if not most adults at some point or another) wanted to talk crazy at work and quit or do something stupid to get fired, but that when there are kids and bills- you learn to bite your tongue and either deal with it, or deal with it until you find another job. I also reiterated that if anything HAPPENED to his job while he is temporarily staying with me, he WON'T be temporarily staying with me- because my days of supporting an unemployed adult are OVER. I thought of you all during our conversation Monday when I told him - again - that some of the consequences he has right now (my distrust of him, for one) are the direct result of CHOICES HE willingly made. You all taught me that- to say it OVER AND OVER AND OVER again- not just for his benefit, but for mine too. While I do still sit and wonder "where did I go wrong?" - MOST of the time I sit and tell myself that I didn't do anything 'wrong'. I may not have been perfect as a parent, and may have tried to overcompensate for things that put us in this position to some degree- but I KNOW that I tried to teach them BOTH the right things. I have to remind myself that if it were ME then my daughter would be just like him and she is not. I never taught them to sit and do nothing, to steal, to lie, to argue, scream, and yell ALL THE TIME. I took him to counseling, I took MYSELF to counseling to LEARN how to deal with him way back....I TRIED. This charge he has scares me. We've been fortunate to this point in not having him involved in the criminal justice system. I see too many instances where young men get caught up in that system which can further prevent success (harder to find a job, probation fees, etc). I am the one that called the police that night that precipitated these charges (that he and the exgirlfriend BOTH have) - but I had to. I thought she was going to stab my son. She's got her own issues, and I'm NOT at all trying to make him pure as snow and her as red as the devil- but she had to have over exaggerated something- otherwise he would have been arrested if not that same night, at least the day he had to go talk to the detective (in October). My fear is they didn't know who did what, so they charged them both and are going to let the system figure it out. That does scare me. But I know it's not my battle to fight- and the ONLY silver lining in this (if there is one) is that if they BOTH end up having to go to jail (I have no idea?)- then maybe that will be what gets the baby placed with me. I have a plan in place IN THE EVENT this were to happen. My ultimate goal is to ensure - in whatever way I can - that my sweet grandson is ok. They will RUIN him. He's just a baby. I don't want him to be used to chaos...because then he will live in chaos. Thanks for listening. :-) [/QUOTE]
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