son with a question??

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by rc4238, Jun 6, 2011.

  1. rc4238

    rc4238 New Member

    i know its unusual for a son to come on here but i have some questions, im 23, had a rough childhood after divorce, very abusive father, was diagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) and aspergers, i have suspected having aspd but not sure, i was a bad kid but was stealing up until 2 weeks ago, but i dont want to be that kid anymore (not a kid now) iv bought my mom some stuff and paid her back for some things, the thing is sometimes i feel i dont have the empathy i should, i know its wrong but sometimes i do it anyways, i have been very abusive and im doing my best to stop that as well, i have to admit im having a lot of internal anger lately and want to stay this way turn into a good son, i hope i dont have aspd, i never wet the bed or had any childhood signs, i know you guys probably know a ton about this so looking for any suggestions, i know i got a long way to go, therapy as well i hope.
  2. Good for you. Half the battle is becoming aware of your own issues. Your mother is a lucky woman in that you are trying to turn your life around. To quote George Eliot, "It is never too late to be what you might have been." Set a easy short term goal and reach it. So not accept failure. Find a good therapist who works with adults with Aspergers. Good luck. I hope that my son gets to the place you are each and every day.
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Welcome. Change is possible but it won't come easily because you have developed a pattern of behaviors over a long period of time. Setting a goal to make positive steps forward is terrific. What help have you had in the past? Have you been in a treatment center? Had a therapist? Been a patient of a Psychologist or Psychiatrist? Have you had substance abuse problems in the past?

    Sometimes interventions and therapies are not effective early on due to immaturity but can be of alot of help once you begin to think like an adult. What resources are available in your community?
    You'll need regular support to overcome anger management problems etc. I'll look forward to reading an update. Good luck. DDD
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sorry I don't accept IM's. DDD
  5. rc4238

    rc4238 New Member

    I have been to therapy and hospitilized 3 times, i can't remember a lot of it, it was when i was 12-13, managed to go 9 years basically without therapy but thats when things got worse, my girlfriend dumped me and i was extremely depressed, I turned to alcohol wish basically started a 2 year cycle of hell. Iv been sober 60 days now, some Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) with intrusive thoughts, anti social behavior a lot of it was exacerbated from drinking. But in the past week i feel i need to make a change no point going through life angry hurting others. i may be wired different but i can try to make the best of it i guess. i have an appointment at a clinic and we will see where i go from there, getting some medications for the anxiety which has been extreme.
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Glad to read that you have an appointment at a mental health clinic....that's a mature step toward living a healthier life. From family experience, sad to say, I know that young adults often don't embrace the AA program but have you tried it? In some communities there are more than one group and on rare occasions there is one that has more young recovering alcoholics. I am not an expert in the program. on the other hand, my Dad participated in AA for decades to not only help maintain his sobriety but also to follow the other steps. It was his opinion that slowly and deliberately "working" the steps helped him understand himself and the ways to improve his interactions with others. It also provided some companionship and a chance to get away from the family for a break.

    Meanwhile I have a grandson who finds walking (and sometimes other forms of exercise) really helps him with his anger management issues. As soon as he feels his emotions getting out of whack he heads out the door and walks until he has chilled out. Perhaps that might help, too. DDD
  7. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    RC - Good for you! Taking on this challenge to become the person you want to be is so cool!

    Although you have been sober for 2 months, you most likely still qualify for some out-patient or in-patient programs.

    In my state, a person who has or recently has had alchol or drug problems can go to their county of residence and ask for help. We have CD assessors in our counties who will visit with you and determine the level of treatment you need as well as your qualification for funding of the program. They can give you a list of places.

    If you do have a private insurance or willing to be self pay, you can go to a treatment center and visit with the admission's officer to see if the inursance will pay or determine the cost of a treatment program.

    I work for one such program facility. I don't work directly with the clients but I do work with the funding side. It is always uplifting to see people working to overcome their obsticles.

    It will be hard, as one person said to break strong habits but these programs can give you tools and a place to turn during the hardest moments.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    What a refreshing request. It is nice to hear that you want to change, that you can see where you did things that were wrong and you want to figure out how to change. in my opinion it means you do NOT have ASPD. People with aspd do not feel empathy or much of anything ever. You have feelings but don't know how to handle or identify them.

    It is entirely possible to not know what to call what you are feeling. in my opinion it is a hallmark of the autistic spectrum - aspergers, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified, autism, etc.... It is also possible that you have sensory issues that make things even harder. One doctor we consulted said that almost everyone on the autistic spectrum ahs some significant degree of sensory integration disorder. this means that your brain isn't handling info from your senses in the usual way. It can be helped, and it makes feeling empathy or anything for anyoen else tough. Basically your brain is so overwhelmed by sensory input that it cannot do much of anything else. I have a lot of this. cook a piece of liver in my home, or bring it to a table that I am sitting at and I can do NOTHING but be repulsed and sickened to the point that I often have to rush to the bathroom to vomit. I had a college class on food prep that was a prerequisite for some classes I needed and the prof insisted that we ALL had to eat a piece of bacon wrapped liver. I told her I could not, had a doctor's note because my reaction is so strong to it and she still forced me to eat it. She said that cooked with the recipe the class used it was so good that no one could get sick on it. I barfed and she wouldn't get out of the way as I tried to get to the trash can so I actually barfed all over her skirt and shoes. Ruined them and she tried to force me to pay for them. The entire class of twenty people saw her dancing and dodging to stay between me and anything I could get sick in and all went to her boss to say it was her fault and she ignored a doctor note saying not to force me to eat it. I just have no control over that reaction.

    I also have a tough time in places like malls where the music is loud and lots of people are jammed together. I cannot sort noises out from each other and it makes me irritable. Yet other sensations are very soothing. the key is learning to manage them.

    You will need to work to identify your feelings. Not knowing what you are feeling is different by a mile from ASPD though I can see why you would think they were linked. As a young mom I was very reactive. I got mad and just blew up - and it was hard on all of us, esp my kids. I finally found a book that talked about anger in moms. A big part of the help I got from it was learning to identify how my body felt and reacted as I got angry. There are distinct physical changes that happen when you get angry - and by learning to identify them you can handle things before you get so mad you cannot control yourself. Once you have that down you can also figure out how your body reacts wehn you are feeling other things, like happiness and fear and excitement.

    You have taken a giant first step or two - identified the problems and started asking for help. Keep up iwth AA and a therapist. Work the 12 steps and work to make amends to those you ahve hurt - be sure to include yourself in that list of those you have hurt. make sure that you do some reading on aspergers and Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified. Figure out what others have done to cope iwth these things and what might help you. WIth Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified you may qualify for help from disability depending on your problems and how they make life harder for you.

    I hopw you are successful in turning your life around.