Sonic rides again....almost!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by MidwestMom, May 20, 2012.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    No, not the car (keys and money are in a lock box), but he did something that sent an alarm bell off in my head and I'm glad I fell asleep on the sofa last night because he woke me up.

    At 7:30am, I heard a noise and sat up. It was Sonic heading for the back door. He said, "I wrote you a note. I'm just going to ride my bike. I don't have any money." I let him go, but somesthing felt wrong. When he was a little boy, he got busted once for shoplifting a little bag of potato chips. I decided I didn't want him to go out so early and without me. I was just about to get in my car to stop him, when he came back and said, "Hey, my bike's tire is flat!" I was relieved and told him I was actually glad because I didn't want him to go out alone so early. He asked, not in a mean way, "Did you do it?" I said no, but I would prefer he stay home right now. He said, "But I'm eighteen!" I said, "You asked me to please keep you safe. I'm going to do that even if it makes you mad because I love you." He sulked and went back upstairs, bu t when I checked in his room a little later, he was happily watching TV (we gave him his TV back because he can not amuse himself at all and in our opinion it is ok for him to have one form of amusement.) Taking everything away didn't stop him from doing it again...I don't think it will stop it now.

    So...I still have the chills thinking of him trying to leave at 7:30am. I told him that if he wanted to go out it had to be when we were awake and we couldn't promise we'd let him go alone.

    I'm too old for this!:hapydancsmil:It's driving me nuts...that little icon is ME!
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I think he needs to be glued to your side for a while. He needs support to learn his basic living skills and this includes learning personal responsibility and self-discipline. Sometimes the best way for an Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) to learn this is through supervised repetition. Patterning. And positive reinforcement.

    I hope he doesn't continue to think you let his tyres down.

    It's a hassle to have to keep doing this when he's legally an adult, but as you have said before, our boys are still children in so many ways.

  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Marg, thanks for the validation. I respect your opinion so much. You are the Queen of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) :)

    Sonic is nowhere near being able to do what most eighteen year olds can do. He is going to need an assisted living apartment one day. I am not going to let him out of my sight. I'm going out today. He can come with me so that he's not stuck at home. But I'm not letting him out alone. I am his legal guardian. I'm afraid that without money he will shoplift a bag of Cheetos or something. This way, if I'm with him and he asks, I can buy it for him...or not. Usually, though, I respond, "I won't buy you Cheetos, but I'll be happy to buy you some apples." He's ok with apples, but they sure aren't Cheetos and he usually pouts and says, "No, thanks." Yes, we always have lots of fresh apples and oranges at home (two fruits he CAN eat).

    He believes I didn't flatten his tire. I'm kind of surprised he didn't take MY bike out! But mine is an old lady bike. Maybe he didn't want to be seen riding it. One good thing!!!!!
  4. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    You might want to get the "please keep me safe" from him in writing (or on a tape). I have a feeling you both are going to need reminders of "Why on earth am I doing THIS?"

    That level of supervision is exhausting; but necessary sometimes. I hope it doesn't last long. I also understand about the tv. Right now difficult child 1 is playing gamecube. Just to keep the peace.
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Persistent little booger isn't he?? Thank you God for letting the air out, LOL. (or a guarding angel?)

    I LOVE your answer that he asked for your help and he's got it.....

    I agree, taking it all away doesn't teach anyway, not NO consequences but taking it all would be punishing you too much! Time in....his needing closer supervision seems to be really logical and smart. (have to say that, dont I, since I am doing the same! haha)

    I still think we need a difficult child parent cruise....maybe we can m eet in Wisc Dells instead..... but where to drop the difficult child's off, even water parks need supervision hmmm....where? and hope they are safe?? The casino?? (kidding, mine's too young anyway)

    Maybe we need a kennel for difficult child's. q used to love to curl up in the doggie kennel....he just loved to imitate every move the dog made, right down to wearing a collar so it is not really abuse if he chooses it is it??? (grasping at straws, we all need a break here)
  6. whatamess

    whatamess New Member

    Gosh, I can totally see this being me and my difficult child in 4 years. As far as inability to amuse himself, away from electronics, difficult child 98% of the time amuses himself in completely inappropriate ways, so to me that is the same as inability to amuse self. It is exhausting. Re: the cheetos and shoplifting, reminds of my difficult child's teacher earlier in the year that announced she tells her Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) middle school students that if they take something without paying, they have suffer the consequences (police being called). I was confused by that thought process as I feel caregivers should be aware enough to prevent that sort of thing from happening (especially on a school outing with all special needs children). I personally feel that if my difficult child doesn't havent't the ability to protect himself from commiting a crime, it is my job to ensure that he doesn't by giving a high level of supervision (as you are doing).
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Sonic knew he could be stopped by the police and was afraid of the thought, but it didn't stop him. He said, "I argued with myself, but the 'do it' won." He is being watched carefully. I can't wait until he has a autistic-friendly psychiatrist working with him. Even though he is polite and does well in school and understands right from wrong, when he gets an obsession in his head, it stays there. And I'm not sure what to do.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I so totally know what you are going through. Sending a pm on this.
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I got it. Thanks so much for the help and support!