sons birthday

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Teriobe, May 22, 2017.

  1. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    Well sons birthday is 26th, not one of my family asked for his address to send him a card. I truly am alone with sons dysfunction. Not one tried to help in last 10yrs of this bs either. So im not going to talk about him to them anymore. And if they should ask, i have nithing to say about him
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    In all fairness, with two prison sentences and maybe violence and extreme criminality, perhaps family is not sympathetic to him. To me that makes sense. How can they help him when he won't help himself? You love him dearly yet you can't help him either...it is his life.

    I am not trying to be harsh, just factual. Your son must express true remorse for his victims and show strong indication of changing before he is going to get family support, except for Mom. Your son is not a poor misunderstood boy. He is a full grown man with victims and if he wants family good will he needs to do his time and after he gets out prove to all that he is remorseful and then live a kind, clean and socially acceptable life before he can expect things to turn around.

    You need to see your son as the man he is, not a little boy who is being picked on, or you won't understand how others see him. How would YOU see him if this was somebody else's son?

    You don't have to talk about your son to anybody.

    I am sorry you feel hurt and hope you can move on and enjoy your vacation. You deserve fun
     
  3. february

    february Member

    It is sad but yes the family gives up on these kids, we as mothers have that special love for them, to overlook and forgive and love them no matter what.
     
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Not all mothers love them without reservation. Many love them but let their outcomes go. And some mothers are able to admit who their adult children are, even though its painful.

    I love my oldest son. I know he can be unkind and extremely into himself and also know he is smart enough to know that this is why his siblings dont have anything to do with him. I dont feel sorry for him. He abused them and me and with that behavior, plus his inability to acknowledge this and to apologize, has caused his own estrangement.

    I understand.

    You cant be an adult, treat people badly, and still get their unconditional love.i do love my son, but it is his fault that nobody else wants to be around him. He would have to change a lot for that to happen.

    I am there for my son as long as he is not abusive but have no problem putting him on furlough if he is. He has not been as abusive since I stopped putting up with his abuse.

    I think we all react differently. I tend to put a high value on my other kids who are kind and caring, things I consider very important. If my kids ended up in prison, for me that would not mean I had to support him, especially if he or she harmed innocent bystanders. Not saying its wrong to support your son. Just saying I dont think I would. Forgive, yes. Pray for, yes. Feel sorry for....no. i would feel terrible for the victims of my adult child. If my kid did a crime only to himself, I would be far more sympathetic. But I value compassion for others too much to not be appalled that my own kid could harm another, steal, hit, assault, sell heroin to, etc.
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2017
  5. wisernow

    wisernow wisernow

    Agreed. My daughter has little to do with her brother and I don't blame her. His actions railroaded our family for 15 plus years with everyone worrying about him. Yes he abused drugs (his choice) is mentally ill but mental illness does not excuse BAD behavior and BAD choices. I get what SWOT says...don't see them as poor helpless little boys to feel sorry for. Their actions dictate the consequences and they are grown men. And no, we would not tolerate this behavior in anyone else. It is very heard to move on and let go of the maternal strings, but we can do so lovingly and focus on the good and kind events in our lives. If they want to be part of those events they need to earn their way back in. Just because you are "family" doesn't give you the right to abuse your other family members. my thoughts.
     
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  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Wiserone,you are wise indeed.

    It tpok me many years and my daughter admitting my son abused her to let go pf the son of my image and hope and to see him with clear eyes, as one eho would victimize even his family. These adult kids abuse family then expect warm, unreserved love from all, even when they are over 21.

    That realization finally caused me to detach with love.
     
  7. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    I would understand if he abused my family, or family members, he never did. They live in other states. When he did see them he was kind and helpful.
     
  8. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    My mother in law did, she has a son like mine, so she understands.