Sons Out Of His School..It Just Lovely $%^&

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Confused, Apr 20, 2015.

  1. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    Well, son will be pulled out today as they are working on the paperwork. I cant get up there yet to sign as I cant physically get him in the car and make sure he sits still in the car to withdraw him. So somehow I gotta get up there today to sign it. He thinks hes going to be home schooled!!!!! NO WAY NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!

    I told him hes not coming home after the school, he can to the hospital... then from there... I don't know.

    Daughter, ha -this is fun with her too.

    This hurts me so bad. I never thought things would be this way..why? Why does this have to hurt so bad when they do this? They take a piece of me every time and they dont care. Its all my fault they say.

    He will be like his dad if not worse actually. His dad didnt even have this violence according to dads family at sons age.
  2. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Did the school kick him out, or are you taking him? What happened?
  3. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    Im having to pull him out,he has missed a lot and has some failing grades. I cant keep up with the drama of him refusing to get ready then tantrums. But honestly, even if I didnt pull him out, because of attendance issues and the grades, the school will be kicking him out soon. The defiance in this child is unbelievable, his way or no way. Going to another school isnt the answer, it will keep happening. Yes, hes lined up for psychiatric Dr /therapies... but everyday waiting feels like 10 days of waiting!!!
  4. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    What are you going to do for school for the rest of the year?

    Do you have any ideas for next school year?

    Is this a private or charter school? If so, can you send him back to the public school? They might have better options for ODD/ADHD kids.

    Is the problem mostly getting him to school, or does he have problems in school as well?

    If you are going to keep him home until next school year, think about getting some educational workbooks for him to do through the summer. Try Rainbow Resource, an online discount homeschool products outlet. You can ask for a catalog (it has 1350 pages!)

    Sorry you have to deal with this. You really need some outside help for him!

    Is your daughter doing OK with her schooling?
  5. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    It is my understanding that the School District has a responsibility to help you. It is not 100 percent your responsibility. I have heard of school districts actually sending aides inside the home to prompt the kids to get ready and get to the school van. I have also heard of Residential Treatment arising from this sort of a situation. The School District is obligated to do what it takes to educate your child. I fear that accepting him back for home schooling is absolving them of their responsibilities. What about calling for an emergency IEP to put it back on the IEP team to support you with remedies? Are there parenting groups in your area that can support you, perhaps send someone with you to the IEP? In our case a disability advocacy group sent an attorney (free of charge) to advocate for us.

    Let me repeat: even in situations such as this, perhaps especially in situations such as this, the school district has a responsibility to provide whatever support is needed that the child be educated.
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    Last edited: Apr 28, 2015
  6. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    I dont have a plan B exactly... I did - but wont work yet(need those lovely referrals) He is begging saying he will go to school tomorrow but its a different day same drama. Its a private school, but I was planning on taking him out when we moved. But no job offer yet out of town ( or in ...yet) The problem is mostly getting him to school, up and ready, even with the ADHD medications he still has trouble, clondine he needs to take also in morning and afternoon, I think this will help a little more. School, he got into a few spats with kids but overall holds in his anger( very hard he says) and off his medications hardly any work is done.Yes, Im still looking for help, son does still see a neurologist, waiting for therapy and anger management classes for him. Well, but again with the referral!

    My daughter is working on her home school classes thank goodness!! But, I think she cant handle the 5 classes, so after she completes two of the five,( two shes going faster in) we will keep it in threes. So she needs a little extra help than most teenagers, but thats fine, as long as she understands it and does it and passes!!!

    Yes, when I do switch to public, I am wondering if they will put him in Special Education or not.. IEP or not. ( neuropsychologist suggested a 504 or iep for both cant remember have to look)The one school I did speak with says either way .. they need to test him( we just spoke with them a while back) But he will be a bear to go there too. When he feels ready to go, he goes if it suits him with no issues( there have been few times like that boy that was nice!!!) Yes we have truancy officer to get the kids.. basically school cops. After so many issues they go to an alternative school, then the D home.

    Thank you both
  7. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Confused, you can insist on an IEP and Special Education Status and I strongly recommend you do so. Please do not let the school district decide for you. They will choose 504 because it puts less responsibilities on them and gives them freer rein to suspend or expel your child due to behavior if it comes to that and if they want. (I know this from my work, too.)

    Of 504 and Special Education (IEP) the latter is the stronger position for both parent and child.. The IEP puts more responsibilities on the school and school district, and most important, gives them less opportunity to punish the child for behavior related to the child's limiting disability, that is, the reason they are covered by Special Education.

    Because your child has a diagnosis (ADHD) with inherent behavioral problems, it would be risky if he were not Special Education with an IEP, in my view.

    My adult child had an IEP for almost all of his 12 years in public school. I felt it stigmatized him at first but came to see it is a blessing...he got services he needed, as well as protections.

    By the way, you seem calm and strong given what is going on. Take care.
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2015
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I second Copobanana. I would request an IEP evaluation. Once you have that IEP he has a ton of support which in turn will really help both of you out. The schools can't continuously suspend him. After 10 days of suspension they have to have a Manifestation Determination. At that point if it is found that his suspensions relate to his disabilities they can no longer suspend him.
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  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I third that. I also recommend finding an advocate so that you don't walk into an IEP meeting alone and that you put him in public school right away. Private schools just aren't good for most special needs kids.
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  10. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    Thank you all, yes, I know he needs an IEP, the thing is as long as hes on his patch his work gets done well enough. Its getting him going to there is the problem because he wants to go at his made up time. He overall behaves at school ( yes still holds in anger so happy about that) so even when I talked to the public school they said maybe. Well we will see. Ok, I dont want to start a new thread so....

    **** Yesterday son was good overall, mouthy but good. This morning he barely turned on the TV, my dad walked in the door with something he needed for school and some paper towels for us. My dad still plan on taking him to other store but they arent open yet, and son blew full tantrum even after my dad said yes hes still going he just wanted to make sure they had that item. Well, son didnt understand that nor did he like the idea my dad got it .. so we have been having fun. Son went out the door and started to "run away" as he said and I got him made him come back in. My son is getting more and more daring and I dont like that. It scares the heck out of me. So , appts coming soon, just meanwhile all this is yikes!

    So, say they officially make it that he has bipolar( explosive disorder now called I think) how does those medications work for his ADHD? I know, I have to talk to his Dr when he gets his diagnoses, but Im as usual, curious and preparing myself as much as possible so Im not blind sided. Below is an article I found,I know, trial and error like with doctors. But I dont like error when It comes to my kids health, these drugs are all dangerous and it scares me. I mean, adhd I can deal with, he will fail until he learns how to handle doing schoolwork. hyperness I can deal although scares me because too daring he will get hurt... so, violence has to go no matter- I will talk to the dr again when we go. The bad part is everyone disagrees on which medications to give him too, so this his not helping I think they need to talk as well! Im going to see if we all can, of course once an official diag comes I think everyone will be on board- I hope. So Im not going to keep writing in- Im going to wait for the appointment with psychiatric to let you all know.. I feel so excited this will all be helped soon!!!!!!!!!!!!...

    I been looking it up on the net... "Atomoxetine" is for both...."Unfortunately, for patients who have comorbid ADHD and bipolar disorder with manic features, atomoxetine could trigger a manic episode. However, for some people suffering from both conditions, atomoxetine taken with mood stabilizers may be a safe and effective treatment.Nonstimulant ADHD prescription drugs are beneficial because they work 24 hours a day, allowing people with ADHD and bipolar disorder to function effectively from early morning until bedtime."

  11. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    ****** ok, just finished reading about that drug..NO WAY!!!!!!! Increased suicide thoughts etc!!! Next!!! Whats so sad is when a pill may help with one thing it causes many other health risks for any issues, diabetes, adhd, bipolar, depression, cholesterol it goes on and on. Its so sad and scary :/
  12. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Yes, I've been afraid of some of the warnings. It's really a risk-reward analysis. If there is a tiny risk of problems and a huge chance of help - and other options aren't working - I'll still try the "risk" medications.

    Why use these medications? Because sometimes the risk of NOT being medicated is worse than the risk of a medication side-effect.
  13. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Confused, you have to find a psychiatrist (with the MD who is not a pediatrician) and just go with it. You can always discontinue a medication if it makes him worse. Every drug on earth, including Ibprofen, has a long list of scary side effects. Let the doctor handle it. Ask around or look online to see a good psychiatrist for children. Some are much better than others.

    I would be more concerned with the aggression than the ADHD if this were me. Do you know if Son's father had any diagnosis? He probably inherited something from him...or maybe both of you?? The more history you can give a psychiatrist, the more they can work with the information and try to figure it out.

    Also there are lab tests now that show which medications would work best for each individual person. I would insist that your son get that blood test. It has become widely used.
  14. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Confused-My son has both ADHD and Bipolar. The medications for the two don't usually mix well. My son cannot take a stimulant medication for his ADHD because that makes him violent. The medication that did help my son with his ADHD ended up being Clonidine which is actually a blood pressure medication.

    If you have a good psychiatrist he will know what he is doing medication wise. It is a trial and error sort of thing. I wish I could say we were lucky and got it right on the first try but it didn't work out that way. For him it took 6 hospitalizations to get it right. Everyone is different.

    For us, even though there are possible serious side effects the good truly outweighs the bad. I look at it as he is ill and needs these medications. For me not to give them to him would be like a diabetic not getting his insulin. My difficult child cannot function without the medications.

    Oh, as for the IEP, it's not all about the work that gets done but he could have a behavioral IEP even if his grades are okay.
  15. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    I know Insane YOUR RIGHT. So are both of you, Somewhere and Wiped you all are right, its just so scary.I am more concerned about the aggression then the adhd. I remember Wiped about your son having both, and I agree, the Clonidine is a HUGE help. But it wasnt enough for his adhd( well after taking it, it made him add..hyper was calmed). Of course the Dr gave it to him 3xs a day which my son mostly only is willing at night claiming it makes him too tired during the day. So on that note, maybe it would help more if taken as Dr said.. Ill bribe him somehow, thats the only way anything works with him! He started his 30mg Daytrana patch yesterday, been wearing the 20s since his last appointment. Good to know about still being able to take clonidine with mood stabilizer, I believe you mentioned as others did before.

    And thank you about the blood test info.

    IEP, but the behavior is fine at school, most of anything there is just going into his lack of concentration or not suiting out for P.E. Im still working on things anyways!

    Thanks everyone
  16. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    You CAN get an exception to suiting out for PE. Or exception to PE entirely. His future doesn't depend on PE.

    Getting control of the bipolar can have a major impact on the concentration thing.
  17. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    My son does need the P.E., he complains, but really enjoys it and his hyperness needs the P.E or he couldnt make it through the day! Ok, the I.EP for suiting out, definitely will talk to them.

    Well as soon as they diag him with it or something.. still have the rule in /out for now. But its a start! So this Dr says he can Diag.. we shall see :)
  18. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    You see... here's some reasons for not suiting out:
    1) FINE motor skill challenges can make it difficult to change clothes fast enough for PE. They can be super at sports and still struggle to tie shoes, do buttons, etc. This would potentially be developmental coordination disorder
    2) Sensory issues. Sometimes PE kit is not the highest quality - can scratch, itch, or otherwise drive a sensitive kid crazy - sensitive as in sensory processing disorder / sensory integration disorder.
    3) If he's been bullied a lot, having to use the change room can cause panic because it's a really common place for bullying.

    One kid I know wore his T-shirt and shorts under his school clothes, and just took off the top layer for PE. Sure, he was sweaty - but he felt it was better than being bullied.
  19. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    I agree with the Motor Skills, he can be fast enough at home- but rarely...takes a lot of him wanting to and concentration I guess. He learned how to tie his shoes, but for some reason cant do it now. (He has straps ). Yes, buttons, he wont wear his jeans because they are not those easy fasteners hooks like his school pants.. so he opts out of free dress day. I do need to get the easy hooks sewn on his jeans. Sensory so far I see no problems, in fact he will wear his PE clothes at home because they are comfortable. ( Even my daughter was able to change daily for P.E. and I believe she does have sensory issues) Bullied- was one boy in an older grade not same time P.E. as son. That wasnt over how he looks but a few other things, I cant remember now. Thats been taken care of now the kids is nice to him. I thought of his P.E clothes under, but the pants wont work for the shorts or sweats under them. Thank you !!!!